KALI DRAGONS on HUNGER STRIKES

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tHE JOURNAL

not sure what this is anymore, but it is still a movement
I thought I ended it to go to London, but god laughs ... god laughs ...

"free my whales or die tryin"
that is my 50 cents

now building section:
ORCA STORIES
coming soon
been doing lots of research, I will make a page that is a market place for all the orca information out there

Including but not limited to:
LOLITA & CORKY rescue efforts
and MORGAN ...
ALREADY BUILT SANCTUARIES
Dr. Ingrid Visser
OrcaLab and Paul Sprong
Other documentaries
More sea world footage
John Hargrove
and PORT & STARBOARD - the ninja orcas that are great white killers

---

OrcaLab

For all the marbles ...

BEST ORCA LINK EVER
LIVE CAM of Rubbing Beach
you can see and hear them live
brought to you by OrcaLab
(you use to hear them ... not anymore ... lesson on taking things for granted ...)

@ Hanson Island

This is where a current sanctuary is built .... for Corky ...
What about Lolita?

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tHE DAILY ENTRY ...

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KALI of sTRENGTH
JULY 19, 2019

PINK ELEPHANTS & GRILLED CHEESE SANDWITCHES

London rained this morning … right after I got my first coffee, and then again, right after I got my second coffee.

I am very proud of my timing.

It makes the LUCY MAKE IT RAIN spell rather charming instead of oppressive.


Anyway … when I was at the Dome with Starr, she liked to have me cook.  But not a lot.  I am a slow cooker.  I take my time.

Too much for Starr.  And she doesn’t like ANYTHING burnt.

But I did make the perfect grilled cheese sandwich.  She loved when I made this, so … I made a few a week.

I make this sandwich for Simon too.  But I am missing an important ingredient here in London, and that is the lite Jewish Rye to make it on.

Now, I am a gourmet, brown organic non-packaged wheat bread kind of girl, but to make this sandwich I will slum it at Ralph’s and get the plastic packaged Orowheat Jewish Rye or something similar.

…

Here is my reciepe:

1000 day old white cheddar.
(You can taste the difference to 300 day old, it has more layers.)
(Boar’s Head makes a good one)

White sage
(preferably home dried fresh from a farmers market, and aged in a magical gridded refrigerator)
#lovebox
(I think this takes about 30 days)

Old Man Jewish Rye
(Because no self-respecting white woman is going to own these corporations, unless she is a single mother)

European Style Salted Butter or
STRAUSS ORGANIC SALTED BUTTER
(Self explanatory)

Cast Iron Skillet

Now:

Heat your Cast Iron Skillet on a fire flame stove on medium-low for 10-15 minutes.

Generously apply the butter to 1 side of each slice of bread.

For the idiots out there:
YOUR BUTTER MUST BE WARM - ROOM TEMP TO DO THIS CORRECTLY
This means it must live in a pre-arranged proper butter dish, preferably at least 1 day old from the trip home from grocery store. (Whole Foods, Lassens, Erewhon …)

…

I once dated the boy whose parents owned Erewhon.  His name was Beau.  It has since changed ownership.  We met on MySpace.  But we both went to Otis.  He is a 3-D graphics animator and is the reason I have the ability to build this website because I would have become a PAINTER instead.

Today Beau looks like a greek god.

…

Cut the cheese into 1/8 inch slices and distribute evenly on 1 side of bread.

Sprinkle a few pinches of cut or hand-crackled sage.  

If you do too much, the sandwich will taste bitter.  
If you do too little, it won’t be worth adding.

This is your sage test.

It should look like evening dispersed confetti thrown over your small slabs of white cheddar.

Then, toss the sandwich, 2 pieces of bread with uncooked middle onto the skillet.

Butter should be on outside of both pieces.

(I have heard to put a thin layer of miracle whip on the inside, though I have not tasted this version)

Now, if your skillet is perfectly warm, the bread will sizzle and steam.  You will hear this.  This is a good sign.

Cook evenly.

Watching is everything.

If you like it a little burnt … raise the heat slightly.

Flip when bread on bottom becomes golden brown …

Make sure the cheese is melting …

Cook other side evenly to match …

Again, you will know that the pan is hot enough if the butter on the bread sizzles.

SLOWER COOKING ON LOWER TEMPS WILL MAKE A BETTER SANDWICH.

This should take 10 mins.

Then when ready, you will have the perfect grilled cheese sandwich.

I have yet to find a restaurant to make a better grilled cheese than this.

ENJOY.

There is a reason why Starr likes my grilled cheese.

...

FOR FUTURE SANDWICHES

only use the same skillet for this purpose
and clean with 10$ himalayan pink rock salt and olive oil ... (sparingly)

---

KALI of sTRENGTH
JULY 19, 2019

TODAY'S WORK

thank you Beau ...
if it weren't for you, I would probably be waiting tables and painting fractals

new logo application and branding options for Hands on Healing Institute

I first started doing their brand design in 2017 during their change of ownership.

I have been paid very little for this work but it has gone a long way ...

Market logo work is about 2,000 for development.
I was paid probably 1800, so close.

Most people have no idea what it takes to do this work,

Because of the development, I was able to raise my design rate to $50/hr and be worthy of that.

My photoshop work is much higher though.

Interesting these skills and $$$ understanding was never once taught to us at school. 

This client, this massage school, actually has the business classes to  teach the students what they are worth, and how to not be taken advantage of.

I wish I had been given that kind of training inside of Art school.

I am a $50/hr designer now, not because of talent, but because of time.  I don't churn and burn, I am a slow cooker, but then my sandwiches can be perfect ...

Someday I will be worth much more than $50/hr.

I woke up in the middle of the night to draw out this concept.  I have seen it nowhere and copied nobody.

#unicornmagick

HANDS ON HEALING INSTITUTE

---

KALI of the cHARIOT
JULY 18, 2019

CAMELFLAUGE

So I was hiding out, underneath a tree, and I see all these dead leaves on the ground surrounding it.

And I notice a bee.  And I think to myself "BEE MAGICK!!!"
And then I notice that a number of those dead leaves are just cigarette butts ... also ... hiding out underneath the tree.

All this action in my afternoon london adventures.  Feels like a fairy tale.

Though I did manange to get some royal whole foods coffee.
I say this, because this is the whole foods that is right next to Kensington Palace.

I could live without walking there, but I kind of like the small garden next to the palace.
Not the groomed entry way filled with tourists taking selfies ... but I like walking through the "meadow of delights" on the left hand side of the palace ... it feels like fairies and spring.
Filled with Yarrow and Poppies, and long grasses. 

So I sip my latte and think about the color of Megan Markles skin, because they are the same mixed race color.
And I drink from a paper straw the color of Prince Harry's skin, and I go, THIS IS LIVING.
All while watching tourists rape their backyard with self-importance and tacky tourist's clothing.

Anyway, back onto disney princesses and princes ...
So I read 3 articles today, if you could call them that.

The first was with the Disney Heiress calling out to the CEO of Disney to literally give up 55 million dollars of his salary so EVERY DISNEY employee could get a 15% raise. And how she said that the Disneyland she just visited was not what her grandfather had in mind.   Do you mean that Walt Disney did not envision a world where CEO's made 65+ million dollars selling cheap stuffed animals, $5 chocolate bannanas, and crappy plastic princess gowns, so that the employees of Disneyland had to still dumpster dive for their groceries because they can't even afford to pay rent?  What about Roy Disney?

The second article I read was just the title MEGAN MARKLE IS ABOUT TO BREAK ...
Good girl.  This means you have moved up in life.
This is a privelge afforded to only upper-uppermiddle class white people.
You are not allowed to "break" in the hood.
You have literally moved into a space where you can afford this ... like I can afford royal coffee.
Us american girls need to stick together to thirve in this gentile world.

Next, the 3rd article was click bait ... and I was pissed.
It was Camelflauged.
It was titled ... HOW THIS BRIDE BROUGHT HER GROOM TO TEARS AT THE ALTAR ...
and I am thinking woah ... romantic ...
I will research this ...
I will put this in my Dragon King/Mate program/articles.

Nope, fairytale ... this bride apparently became a super investor in bitcoin and make the $$$ to pay all their bills.
Is money the same thing as romance?
Groom crying at altar kind of romance?

So I was hiding underneath this tree, thinking to myself ... HUNGER GAMES ... that is it ....

---

KALI of the lOVERS
JULY 17, 2019

DON'T FEED THE TROLLS ...

I think this is enough.

Simon says don't feed them.  I think Simon is wise ...
I only feed them to prove that they exist.

I didn't realize I was a marxist too.

I don't even call hollywood evil. Man ... at this point I don't dare care to blurr his face.

Maybe this is how hollywood thinks about me, but I thought I was a little more clever than this guy.
And polite ... I mean, I kept responding to his complaints and was setting clear boundaries with him, at least in the beginning.
What does a girl gotta do?

---

KALI of the hIEROPHANT
JULY 16, 2019

LAUGHING SEAGULLS

Today is the first day that I feel like my pre-hunger strike days.

I feel good, and reborn.

I finally have my tree grids up on the home.
I feel like this is the first day I have had somewhere stable to put the magick and anchor it temple style, since early November of 2018.

I can breathe freely again.

My design work is flowing and growing, and my relationship is going well.

Simon said "be the fairy ..." he will take care of the grounding … like he was giving me permission to fly again.

And this is when all the cool stuff starts to happen, because instead of having to watch my back, I am looking toward everything that is to be created and manifested.

And I feel the sparkles around me again.

…

So there is this wonderful Italiano bakery here in London that I love to go to.

Make no mistake, I have a discerning palette.
I love good food.  I love great food.

When people ask me about London, I have many things to say, but “NOT GOOD FOOD” is not one of them.

Somehow, I have yet to have a dinner that isn’t fantastic.

You think LA has a good food scene?  London is about 5X better.

And it isn’t filled with sceney hipsters just getting a kick out of their 10$ avocado toast, while they trip over homeless people while waiting in line.


So anyway, this bakery in London, it is off of Queensway. 
Close to the park, and down the street from the house I am currently staying at.  

It is dressed in urban hipster decor, but this deeper elegant charm, and all the employees are fresh out of Italy.  

I have never had such a REAL coffee.  

Groundworks is a farce.

Intelligencia is a fraud.

This place in London is amazing.

And it is filled with this cute, quaint charm, and subtle heart energy of something Authentic. 
Something I missed in all the hundreds of dollars I spent on coffee in LA.

It is better than La Monarca.

It trumps Coffee Commissary.

Vinaka in Carlsbad is the closest thing to this place.
But that is because of the atmosphere and not the soul of the coffee.

LONDON IS GREAT FOOD.

What a new and different paradigm to what I have been told my whole life. 
And I am a verified food snob that likes her Sunday brunch rice balls from Little Doms and has tried the Kobe beef at KOI (back in the day … that was so 2005).

What I think?  All the people who talk about food in London, either are Liars, or have no discernment.

ARRO BAKERY
This place is worth coming to London for. 
The espresso alone, is worth tasting.
It tastes like soul … it tastes like magick.


Back on Laughing Seagulls …

We don’t have roosters out here … no … we have 4 am Laughing Seagulls …

They are hysterical.

And WTF … it is daylight at 4 am here.

I thought that shit only happened in Alaska.

Anyway … so only these seagulls could get away with this …

I am not a morning person.  No, I am a sleep till noon, create till 2-3 am person.

This is an artist-witchcraft hours that was taught to me my whole life.

You see, on the feminine, artist, creative-side-to-the-tree, it is all nocturnal. 
And on the productive masculine side to the tree, it is all solar and daytime oriented.

So artists staying up all night is actually a normal thing.

They work alone, in the quiet, in the great yin of existence.

With the great dark mother womb, protecting and gestating their new creations.

Preparing to birth into the world of daylight for everyone else to enjoy.

My whole life, I have been referred to as a freak, or lazy, or a vampire, because my schedule has been attuned to the creative forces on this planet.

It is a violent existence, to have everyone always condemning you, because you have different sleeping patterns to the “normies” (as we called them in art school) or “muggles” as I now refer to them.

It is weird to force yourself into the productive beta wavelength daylight hour existence, when you were born to be a psychic or creative theta/delta wavelength feminine nighttime artist.

You just live by surfing and dodging the sharks in this world, surviving in a haze of existence.

The Spielberg Unicorn told me she always lives in a daze.

That lifestyle is miserable.

She is productive, and stable, and a quality worker, but the fact that she is in a daze constantly, means there is a problem with this planet and grid.  Not with her.

She is being forced to live outside of her natural rhythms just to placate a masculine exploitive creation world.

Where we are artists on demand.  Slaves.

Instead of revered creation goddesses.

I feel good today.  Because Simon told me that I could be a goddess.

And his energy finally let me be myself.

I feel good today.  And I have energy to create, sans the cloudy haze surrounding my brilliant mind.

So these seagulls, they laugh at 4 am in the morning … and they wake me up … and they are charming …

I wake up for their happy and delightful screams, and I just laugh with them.  

I rolled over and wake up Simon … “Simon,” I say, “you have laughing seagulls here…”

He says “this is London … are you sure those aren’t pigeons …”

I grew up next to the beach most of my life.  I KNOW WHAT SEAGULLS SOUND LIKE !!!!

So I get out of bed.  

Because this man, who has lived here for years, doesn’t understand that seagulls are screaming at the top of their lungs, and do this EVERY MORNING !!!! Like roosters in the LA hood.

And I walk outside.

And there, in the middle of London, flying overhead … are the miracle birds I now am forced to listen to every morning.

Seagulls don’t just live near the ocean.

Maybe you should research why the Mormons of Salt Lake make the seagulls their totem animal.

And then maybe you can research what the seagull represents in animal magick.

Laughing Seagulls, how appropriate.


 

---

this is my problem with 99.99% of men ...
he is also literally twice my age ...

I can give you all every conversation I have had with him ... you will more than likely find it to be redundant and futile.

I am blurring out the face just to be nice.
This is the same website I met Simon on.
I am in the process of closing down my account.

Just to be clear, this man writes long and boring essays to me, that I don't want to read ... at all. 
I read the first 3 ... and responded ... to be polite.  This was back in December/January.

I have been much meaner to Simon, and he has never once reduced me to "evil satanic".
Simon looks like prince charming dragon king ...

Simon is also really wanting me to come out the with Dragon King / Mate program ...
This email is perfect to inspire me towards that work again. 
I have been waiting for a sign ...

---

KALI of mALKUTH
JULY 10, 2019

X MARKS THE SPOT

There is a fine balance between being honest and being completely free to disclose any thought or opinion here, my point of view for every experience I have had, versus creating a negative personification of someone I admire, respect or even love.

This is my journal, these are my experiences.
They are biased, and completely unfiltered sometimes, and carefully filtered at others.  

But they are not lies.

I hold back in some cases, and calculate words in others.

I am always framing.

Every artist is always framing.

I am presenting a point of view. 
A window from my soul, of how I see the world.
I don’t know if it is accurate, but it is my experience.  Whether unfair, or not.


LOVE PORTALS

Porto, Portugal is incredibly romantic.  

90% of my hesitations and walls melted away with Simon, while we walked down the cobblestone paths and along the waters’ edge.

I got to see the sweet Simon, the Simon that called me everyday at 1 pm while I laid alone, starving, on a beach.
The Simon that told me he loved me, right before the one journalist showed up …
The Simon I would move across the world for.

I got to experience that person.  

The man I threw away my hunger strike for, because he told me my walking across the abyss was not to die, but to come towards my new family and a better life.

I got to experience that Simon this last weekend. I love that Simon.

Getting very clinical, I would highly recommend that if you are meeting and spending time with someone you met online, that you do it on neutral ground, where it is both new for the two of you.  Nobody counseled me on this concept, but intuitively I thought this would be a good idea for our second try.

On Saturday night, while we found another wonderful restaurant, we started connecting enough for him to open up this sore subject, about the way I presented him on my website.

He has almost never once complained to me, about what I have said online, about how I have portrayed him.

But he did bring this up, and I know that it bothers him.

Everyone wants to be seen as the good guy.
EVERYONE.

This is the founding principle in the book How to Win Friends and Influence People.

It is weird. I guess I am just used to being seen as the devil, and I don’t care so much what people think or feel anymore.  That is though, a product of being alienated so far out of society, being so alone, that there is no difference.  When you don’t connect to anyone anymore, it doesn’t matter if nobody loves you, or accepts you.  You don’t have much to lose ….

There is a freedom in being a social pariah.  You can actually do god’s work, because you don’t care about anyones ego, you just care about getting something done.

But Simon, whether or not he is independent of the opinions of lesser egoic minds, is bothered by my presentation and framing of him.

I referred to him as the beast. 
But that was who I met in London the first time. 
At least, that was MY experience with who I met in London the first time.  

Simon doesn’t watch too much Disney and forgets (or isn’t aware) of the part where the beast becomes this super gentile, soft sweet creature that Belle immediately falls in love with.  And it changes everything.

That it is his anger and attitude towards her, that she can’t stand, nothing else.
But the sweet gentle generous being, that is inside of him, peering out, is the Prince Charming she is in love with.

Simon is a good looking man, I am not referring to his external appearances in any case, but as a psychic, I see ugly when unjustified anger is being thrown at me.

I met the Prince Charming inside of Simon this last weekend.

And where he doesn’t like how he was portrayed prior, (as nobody would), the wonderful thing about my journal is that it updates with my new experiences …

My journal is a living entity, and there is always room for redemption, love and new stories.  I am not so fixed in my angles, perspectives or story telling devices, as I am trying to frame the living story of my journey in real time.

There are new pages that are blank that have yet to be written …

Where my family can connect and heal with me, where MMS can apologize for their insolence, where Hollywood can start taking responsibility and action, where Sea World can become compliant …

Where a certain king of Hollywood can change the world …

I am not attached to any one word I write, or point of view that I deliver.  

I am open to being wrong … in fact I am praying for it.

FREE MY WHALES you guys,
and stop making excuses …

You are either full of magick … or you are full of yourself.

Have a conversation with me, learn new things, be open to growing …

Stop rejecting me or my ideas because “I am such an unsuccessful loser”
… but then what does that make you?  
Because you don’t have the power to change the world …
you don’t have the power to free the whales …
Or to take care of them …
you don’t even have the power to take students on for 5 years without sexually harassing them …
you don’t even have the power to teach an ancient art form …

Stop and do the math …

If I am such a loser, and not worth your time or attention …
Then what does that make you?

…

X MARKS THE SPOT

When I find myself lost in London, I have a guiding light.
The house of James Barrie.

The house is on the corner of my walk where the main street meets the gardens ...

It was the first landmark that Simon showed me when I reached London.

I will take this as a sign.

For those of you who are completely void of ANY KNOWLEDGE … Peter Pan …

There is an evolution of man that is to take place in the next 1000 years.

Most of you think you take no part in this, because it is the next 1000 years.

But the brilliant people do …

This is a 190 year sunrise.

Where humans start looking like third-eye intelligent magickal creatures, instead of a zombie apocalypse of the walking living dead, attached to their iphones and social programs.

I say social programming, but I mean lack of social programming.

If you program a computer to function, and connect with other computers in a loving and friendly way, then this is a practical application that works …

If you program a computer to attack, invade, hurt others, or just sit idly by while these things continue to occur, this is a LACK of social programming.  This is anti-social programming.


I have set the grids in London for Kabbalah 99/100.

They are anchored and strong.

The grids are a living tree of life. 
The fae realm came through to help anchor and set this tree in the park.

So when I begin to get lost, as to why I am here, and where to go from here,
I begin with Jim Barrie, and I end with him too.

I am not sure if anyone could connect the dots, that Neverland is supposed to be the garden of heaven, and Pan as its guardian … the immortal creature, who tricked the gods into creating the perfect place to live for eternity …
#themodernmysteryschooldidnotteachmethat

Am I the one who is mixing fairy tales?  Or am I just the one who can see?

My ears are burning …

Is this a good sign, or a crazy one?
People have talked shit about me my whole life, I don’t know what would be so different now.



I continue to attract new students and clients now.

3 months and counting till Kabbalah 99/100 commences.

#dragonschasingpearls is the new name for Kabbalah coming through.
I would like to see just one person “get it”.
I am destined to become a teacher for eternity …
As I am just waiting for forever.

It would take an Orca three-eye brain to do it.



Orcabbalah
A Free Willy Orcabbalah Program

I guess this is why I am creating an Orcabbalah Tarot Deck

And if Simon is the beautiful Prince Charming Dragon Riding Orca King that I began to see this last weekend
… this program will write itself, and this journal will only show him to be a hero …

This journal will only become redundant …

My copywriting teacher hates elipses.
I think they are magick.
They create space, and they say “there is room for more” …

---

KALI of mALKUTH
JULY 10, 2019

TODAY'S SONG

---

KALI of CHESED
JULY 4, 2019

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY

So I am in London, I am officially an international spiritual teacher. 
Had my first client from Germany, and another in the states.

And well, Kabbalah 99 is going to be an international release so, that is happening.

I am with Simon now, and big changes.  He is much better than he was before, but so am I.
So this looks and feels good now.  Cultural differences and paradigm shifts are always going to put a strain on any relationship.
But ours was always a little riskier than most.

I emailed my mother today. For my tax bill from 2017.
I owed them $300. I wonder what it will be now, because I was poor homeless and totally broke.
I asked her for my bill, because I finally have the money to pay it.  And I finally have the mind to handle it ... on top of everything.

I find it ironic, being in London, on July 4th .... asking for my tax bill.

Simon said I was like an artist for my life ... I agree, it is just these creative ironies that keep me going.

When I arrived a couple days ago it was weird seeing him again, and adjusting to all the energy of UK again.
It is so different here.  But I am strong and setting my grids well.  Much better than I did the first time.
As I am also much stronger than I was the first time.

I think this was all my mother wanted for me.  To be online.  To be working, establishing myself, building computer art ...
building community.  Too bad she didn't have the patience to let things unfold in a graceful way.  But then again, had she, I might not have made this jump.

It is a paradoxical quandary.

My mother is on the family vacation with the kids ... I miss my family, I wish we still loved each other. 
Chesed is about forgiveness and mercy. 

It is a paradoxical quandary.  Where does forgiveness and mercy begin?
Who signs the bill?

I will pay my tax bill ... my mother just sent it to me while I am writing this.
I only have a 45$ penalty.. That isn't so bad.  I can pay that.


When I got to London, Simon showed me all the native americans that signed onto the plight of Lolita. 
They made a totem for her!
Simon said "YOU DID THIS!!!"

I don't know if I did anything, but I didn't have too. 
I am grateful these people are stepping up and showing up finally.  This is their fight!  This is all our fight.

ARTICLE HERE

They claimed her as one of their own.

It doesn't matter if I did anything.  I spoke up, and showed up.
And I will continue to be the voice of those who don't have one, or are afraid.
FREE MY WAILS

#freewilly
#freemywhales

People only complain, because there is an issue, and it needs to be worked out.
It is unwise to run from that problem, because you are only going to carry it with you, wherever you go.

In the last two days, Simon made sure, that I remembered, that the only two certain things in life, were death ... and taxes ....
It will follow you, wherever you go.

I wish my mother could forgive me ...
All I ever wanted was to be heard ... and believed in ...

Lolita is the whale that is actually living in a fish bowl at the Miami Seaquarium.  It is pathetic.

As far as the grids and lessons coming through, don't worry, I was only traveling, and they are on schedule :)

---

KALI of cHESED
JULY 4, 2019

TODAY'S SONG

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KALI of cHESED
JULY 4, 2019

TODAY'S LESSON

---

KALI of bINAH
JULY 3, 2019

TODAY'S LESSON

---

KALI of cHOKMAH
JULY 2, 2019

TODAY'S LESSON

---

KALI of kETHER
JULY 1, 2019

TODAY'S LESSON

#themodernmysteryschooldidnotteachmethat ... the modern mystery school told me free will didn't really exist

---

KALI of the sUN
JUNE 30, 2019

TODAY'S LESSON

#themodernmysteryschooldidnotteachmethat

---

KALI of the sUN
June 30, 2019

OPALESCENT PEARL JELLY BEAR
aka Pearl
…

For the life of me, I cannot understand why no-one cares enough …

You will either make this matter, or you won’t.  
You will either make me matter, or you won’t.

You will either make your dreams, and hope matter … or you won’t.

You will either make a better world matter, or you won’t.

You will either make free will matter, or you won’t.

For the life of me … I don’t understand.


Today I walked the farmer’s market @ Hollywood and Vine. 
With the Spielberg Unicorn …
The last time we get to hang out before I go back to Low Done.

And I wore my MAKE DRAGON KINGS GREAT AGAIN hat.
It was hot and sunny, what else would I wear?
I am poor and homeless, although I would love one of those highly fashionable sun parisols I saw today. 
A girl can dream ...

Maybe in Low Done. 
Oh, did I spell that wrong? 
Did I forget the end?
I know, I am gross with words and humor …
So I wore my MDKGA hat.

And I swore … I wondered if I embarrassed the Unicorn.

I asked her if I looked like a Trump supporter more with it forward or backward.
And she laughed.
But the truth is, it doesn’t matter.

People looked at me just as much as a social pariah today … as every other day. 
People didn’t talk to me, just as much as every other day.

KABBALAH WISDOM

I think this lesson is in the four agreements … don’t take things personally.

Well, if that is true, then I am living on a planet of zombies, with a handful of people who actually cared if I stayed here, or died. 
And that is a sad truth.

I am not saying people don’t care about me …
I am saying people don’t care about ANYTHING.
I am saying people don’t even care about themselves, or the future … or this planet.

I am saying most people live their entire lives caring about what everyone else thinks … instead of being truthful with themselves. (And with their heart and soul.)

I wish people loved me …
But really, I wish people LOVED …

And maybe if they did, I wouldn’t be here.
This website wouldn’t exist, and I would be playing with my nieces and living in the garden of eden … and the whales would be free. 
I wouldn’t be afraid of EVERYTHING.

I wouldn’t be afraid of pushing publish on my fucking website, or posting every ad on Facebook. 
I wouldn’t be afraid to do what I believe in …

I wouldn’t be afraid every time I write a new word, or write Steven Spielberg’s name on my website.

I wouldn’t be afraid of confronting anything or speaking my truth.
Even if I believed it was right.

I am afraid of everything you see me do.
That is the truth.
But it does not stop me.

I wish I could hide in the shadows for the rest of my life.
But nobody is changing anything … SO I WILL.

I am a nobody … I am a nobody.

I have no money … I have very few connections, but I have faith in god to show me the way …

And I am afraid … I will do it anyway …
Because I am tired of being afraid …

. . .

Theresa Bullard … I believe in you … I give you a hard time, but I have respect for you. 
You can be super bitchy and arrogant. 
And you think you own Kabbalah.  And you don’t.   YOU DON’T.  

And I am sorry if you think I stole this from you … but that is a fucking lie.

Because I never took Pathworking from you …. And I CAN TEACH THAT.

WHY?  You are supposed to be able to do math?

LOGICAL DEDUCTION.

I WILL NOT TAKE YOUR SHIT.

IT IS GRAY.

I STUDIED WITH OTHER TEACHERS.
I BELONGED TO ANOTHER LINEAGE.
AT THE SAME TIME !!!

You are a boring teacher.  But you were decent.

And I don’t support the Sex Cult of the MMS. 
And I don’t understand how you do.

And I am sorry, I wish we could be friends and work together.
But you have a stick up your ass, and treated me like shit.

I am grateful for what you gave me. 
But it wasn’t EVERYTHING.  It was a seed. That I was part of too …

AND YOU DON’T OWN ME.


I AM A CHILD OF GOD.
YOU DON’T OWN ME.

Nobody does.

I will not live in fear …
And if I do, I will not let it control me.

. . .




TO EVERYONE …

I spent 10 years crying myself to sleep.
Afraid and alone. 
Because you don’t LOVE.
And if you do … then why don’t you love me…
And if you do … then why don’t I feel it …
And if you do … then why don’t I see it …

I do my best ….
I have almost nothing …
I spent 10 years in bed, crying and praying to god.
I am not ashamed of my life.

Later this week, it changes forever …
Because now you know, I am not alone anymore.

I will not live in fear, I will not let it control me.

OPALESCENT PEARL JELLY BEAR

I have faith …
I will live in no shamu prison.

I went to an opal show toady … it sucked … there were only a few opals.
But I was happy to see the few I did.
I was happy to see the few O PALs I did …

I am sorry CIA man …
I wish we were still friends …

---

KALI of the mOON
JUNE 29, 2019

LET THEM EAT CAKE

So there are two places in LA I like to get cake.

I don’t really like cake.  I am more of a Life of Pie kind of girl.
Blackberry pie, boysenberry pie, rhubarb pie*, strawberry rhubarb, if I have to.

I love me some good pie.  

When I was in eighth grade, and started cooking classes, I used to spend my weekends cooking pie. 
The kitchen was always such a mess, and freezer pilling with dough. (See what I did there?)

That year was when I started becoming a social pariah. 
My therapy belonged in that pie. 
I ate it too, but as for eating disorders, I didn’t really just eat my feelings, I burned them.

It was fine, I was young and still in sports.


The moon … where we connect our feelings to earth.

Eating our feelings is very American.  Some cultures do things like have community. 
We don’t, we have isolation, and mac & cheese @ Swingers Diner. (I used to eat that with chopsticks)
Our relationship with food, on a very basic level, is lustful, and filling a void, with sugar and empty calories.

So if I am going to eat cake … now … these days … it better be good.

My two favorites are

PRINCESS CAKE
and
RED VELVET

Now let me teach all you uneducated people about these two cakes, because most of you have no idea.

PRINCESS CAKE is a classic European (Swedish) cake.
There are limited amount of places to get this traditional dessert in LA.

Berolina Bakery in Montrose is one of them.
Alcove Restaurant in Los Feliz is another.

The first bite of princess cake I ever had, was after a moon ceremony with my first round of Kabbalah students, at Alcove.

It was amazing.  

This cake is Lite but super sweet.  Like eating a sugar cloud with raspberry jam.


RED VELVET is a Southern cake.
WHAT YOU SEE NOW IS NOT RED VELVET CAKE.

On my 10th or 11th birthday, I was in Dallas Texas at my father’s house.
My grandmother was there.
They got me a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting.

Today I still remember everything about that cake.

This cake came from a special bakery, and you couldn’t find it everywhere.

When I was 20, Red Velvet cake came to the west coast, and I was so excited.
And I took one bite of it, and spit it back out.  It was disgusting.

It wasn’t red velvet cake.  It was chocolate cake with red food dye.

GROSS

How stupid American people are.

Traditional Red Velvet Cake from the south, I believe was made with BEET JUICE. 
Which gave it the color red, and created an actual VELVET TEXURE. 
This shit you see now, is not red velvet cake.

It doesn’t taste like it, It doesn’t feel like it.

Now there is a moral to this story.

Because what Berolina Bakery did to the PRINCESS CAKE was magick, and what the American people did to RED VELVET was rape.

Berolina sells the traditional princess cake. 
It is amazing.  But they created something new too. 
They created a Prince cake.
This Prince cake has chocolate cake and white marzipan.

They created something new.

And it is good.  It is almost as popular as the traditional cake.

And it is for people who don’t want to eat a lot of white cake, but like a darker flair.


Now I teach Kabbalah.  But I am no Jew.  I am a shiksa upper-middle class white-bread so cal girl.

I am not dumb.

I am a teacher of Hermetic Kabbalah and I studied with Starr.

What I have to teach is not RED VELVET cake.
I am creating a world of PRINCES and PRINCESSES.

I have changed the traditional teachings to fit MAGICK.

And breathe life into a boring tradition.

Everyone who has taken class with me has said this … I make this shit interesting …

And when something is interesting, and students aren’t falling asleep in your 8 hour lectures,
you begin to wonder … are you perhaps doing something right?

There is magick everywhere.

My job is to prove it to you.

I teach Kabbalah, but I am no rapist.

I teach Kabbalah, in a way that is new.

What I have to teach is not RED VELVET cake …
Unless it is made with Kali-Beet-Juice RED …

. . .

I found another cake I liked … at the dome … Starr has the best grids.

I teach the study of the tree of life, with the blood …

I mean no mean no disrespect to the traditional views and practices of Jewish Kabbalah. 
But it isn’t for everyone. I will do my best, to honor the god in it.

I do mean disrespect to how Hermetic Kabbalah was FIRST given to me. 
I watched people fall asleep in that class.  
Theresa Bullard, it is time to up your game.
(I have never had to snap my fingers at a student, to get their attention … or to keep it.)

Starr taught me that …

I am still waiting to eat a proper red velvet cake again ... one that tastes like heaven ... on earth.

#youarewhatyoueat

---

KALI of the sTAR *
June 28, 2019

Not sure how many people are still reading this, but maybe that is a future question instead of a current one.

THE STAR

She sits in nature, at the water’s edge … naked before god, and life, and alone.  She is alone …

And spins the water, creating prayers for earth, from the heavens and for the fairies, and whales … alone. 
And she gets no credit, and almost no help, but in her silence, at night, she does god’s work.

That beach is a holy place.
And it is full of magick.

I am downloading the new Kabbalah 99 class, completely new material, like always, and this card is everything.

My teacher, my “spirit mommy” was named fountain of stars for a reason.
Her name is Starr for a reason. She does her work alone, in the silence of the night, for a reason, in a holy temple, for a reason.
I see you Starr.

I can … I can … I can …

Again … again … again …

Repeat … repeat … repeat … re … peat … re … Pete … er

Be the leaf …


Candle magick > I can do magick …

The Star
of mysteries and silence

Be LEAVE IT

You are either full of magick … or you are full of yourself …

. . .

I hated my name.
It belonged to a girl, who was abused, and abandoned, and alienated out of society, and belonged nowhere. It belonged to a father who didn’t care to come to her college graduation, and who was never there … and was named Rachel by a mother who slamed her head into a doorway, and changed the locks on her, while she was on a hunger strike …

Sacrificial lamb of god.

My name was the name of NOTHING.

I sat with a numerologist master the other day.
A real genius. I sat there learning from him. so I had new material to offer my students for Kabbalah 99.
He doesn't think I heard him, but I did ... I hope we become friends and work together in the future.

The is going to be such an advanced class, even if it is just a “web class”.  It will be the best yet.

But the numerologist found the master within my name.  Thank god. (even if he didn't know it)

Because my name is all I really had left.

As I sat naked on that beach, bearing my soul to the world, to the heavens and god …

Was that fucking name Elizabeth, the name of a queen. Hidden …

And Kali Ren … THE STAR …

The numerology referencing the star card … (on a number of occasions)
But if we did it the obvious way, my birthday always did …

The numerologist said something beautiful.  I will remember till the end …

“Shakespeare had it right, a rose by any other name, wouldn’t smell as sweet”

It is funny names ... the can be so powerful. They can be a S P E L L.

Starr always told me that my name was not the name of a master.
But she couldn't give me one. it wasn't ready.

Simon asked me if I would change my name to Kali Ren legally.  I said yes.

He still calls me Rachel ...

I hate that name, but he makes it not so bad.

And I fall in love with even the idea of my nieces calling me auntie rey rey.
They make me swoon.


28’s aren’t stars … without their lover.


Simon still calls me Rachel … Kali Ren has a bite to it.
My whole life changed, the day I began to take on that name.


SUGULITE - star * dust
(i feel a grid where it is star * drops)

again ... again ... again ...

peter ... peter .. peter ....

I do believe in fairies ...


and I am NOT wrong ...

I am still ... waiting for ANYONE to care ... enough ... care, enough ...
how many tweets to hollywood does it take, to get their attention ...
LOGICAL RUSE - the answer is they don't
at least not yet ... the whales would be free if they did ... *IF THEY MADE IT MATTER


again ... again ... again ...

peter ... peter .. peter ....

I do believe in fairies ... I do ...

#hopemarket

---

Kali of the sTAR *
June 28, 2019

TODAY'S SONGS

TEMPLE OF SILENCE
by Dueter
. . .
"the star"

SPOTIFY

YOUTUBE

YOU SHOULD DO THE YOUTUBE ONE
it is a *STAR healing

---

GOING GOING
by August Wilhelmsson
. . .
"more on star travel"

SPOTIFY

YOUTUBE


*THE BEST CHEFS WORK WITH THE BEST INGREDIENTS

---

BIRD
by Billie Marten
. . .
"star water and silence"

SPOTIFY

YOUTUBE

---

KALI of the tOWER
JUNE 27, 2019

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I just realized why I get the tower card so much for Simon.  His numbers reference the correspondece so much.  last name ending with RAJ witch is 911 (referencing the tower) - which is TOTALLY un PC for people. And birthday 27 referencing the tower.  LOL.  Simon is literally here like the lightning of god, to bring in the new age.  Amazing.

I had a dream once, before I went to London the first time, that I was being rescued by a group of young kids (20s-early 30's), while I was in danger doing adventure work ... and these kids brought me to this new secret world. Where they were enlgihtened and spiritual, and magickal, and advanced technologically, in a balanced way.  These people were GOOD, and they could rescue me, because they were like the new xmen - but like in a google tech meets harry potter kind of way.  And this world was created because Simon was such a good person.  And then I got to London, and I saw the beast ... at least he tempered and is getting back to prince charming instead.

Most people don't understand why the tower is a good card.  For me it is the JAKE SULLY card.  I will destroy what is no longer working or serving a better world, to create Pandora, a garden of Eden for Earth.  Some people call this new world Shambala.  Maybe those people will free SHAMU first.

I woke up this morning to this :
(I woke up LMAO)  this is coming out of the mouth of a "proper english gentleman"

I love how his picture is blacked-out ... so the first meeting you will have with him, will be in this class.

---

KALI of the tOWER
JUNE 27, 2019

TODAY'S SONG

CARPE NOCTEM
by Mark Petrie
. . .

"seize the night ... magick music"

SPOTIFY

YOUTUBE

---

KALI of the dEVIL
JUNE 26, 2019

WE DID INITIATIONS TODAY FOR GEBURAH ... that is all.
When my student walked out of the temple space and back into the world, boy did he feel it.  "EW!" The grids are getting so clean and pure. 

The only real devil on this planet looks like all the humans that choose not to do spiritual work ... or the ones who don't actually live by it.

. . .

TODAY'S SONG:

GAME OF THRONES MEDLEY
by 2CELLOS
. . .

"the night is dark and full of cellos"
(I found this quote on YouTube - it is perfect)

SPOTIFY

YOUTUBE

---

KALI of tEMPERANCE
JUNE 25, 2019

IT IS ALL ABOUT BALANCE

SImon is getting our tickets to stay in Porto !!!
What a cool magick grid coming through.  A wedding in PORTAL.

So ... on Simon ...

Well, more on Kabbalah 99 ...

I was thinking how I wanted to do this 3 year journey.
I am a very quick improv style teacher that is dynamic and works off my students ... and my videos don't have that energy currently.

So I am thinking I wanted to teach Simon ... yes, the Cambridge, Oxford, Eton graduate LAWYER, who is also a talented and experienced spiritualist, but hasn't done a lick of hermetic magick work.  ( I told you ... my students are EXCEPTIONAL )

I think he will be perfect. And his questions, and needs, will fit the beginning students, to even the most advanced. (*thank you Starr)

And I told him this idea.  He REALLY likes it.  It looks like I am timing this just right too, because when his mom comes to play with little Lila.  (Yes, I might have another niece that ryhmes with Isla ... my love ...) and I have to leave, mostly due to space ... when I come back into the picture in the late fall, class will begin.  It is perfect.  I will either travel to an England farm and work there for a couple weeks OR come back to LA and be in a beach condo near Santa Barbara ... or something like that.

SImon loves this ... I told him that I am going to play with the "I TELL SIMON ..." teaching.
And he is cute because he tells me he doesn't want to steal my thunder ... LOL.

I am quite secure with my knowlege and my teachings, ain't nobody stealing my thunder.
He will be a nice addition and create a great male/female dynamic for the class.

Plus it will be a Western meets Eastern style of Spirituality.

This will be amazing.

His Queen's English british accent won't hurt.  Plus he isn't a suburban middle class white guy.  So yay!

I told you, it is all about balance.

---

KALI of tEMPERANCE
JUNE 25, 2019

TODAY'S SONG:

THE PLAINS OF DOVER
by Ceilidh
. . .

for a hopeful and light tune

SPOTIFY

YOUTUBE

---

KALI of dEATH
JUNE 24, 2019

PAIN you make me a believer … a believer …

Yesterday the Philosopher teacher made one more comment worth mentioning … and that is the one thing different about today and the people of today.

Valuing the struggle and embracing the pain, or running away from it …

We talked about this when I pulled out my old-school temporary flip phone.

And he was scared shitless …

“EW!” was his response.

I said, don’t worry, it is just temporary, I will get a new iPhone in London.
My last one fell into the ocean when I was in the middle of a hunger strike.

And that is when I learned how much of my life was controlled by that phone … and enabled by it.

And so we talked about my hunger strike, and what I got out of it.

And he talked about pain, and working through struggle, and realized that all of his students lack the quality of life, also, because everything is just so convenient, that they avoid all struggle, instead of embracing it.

That sucks, you can’t work out and build anything without resistance.  That is what makes you stronger.

. . .

When I was in London last time …
Simon said my website was a giant ego project.

I took offense to this …
But the reality is, is that my cards say the exact same thing.

My website is not to sell you anything.
My website is not to sell anyone anything.
It is there as a giant ego project.
An alpha move.
To show everyone what a queen I am.
To prove it.

Now, I told Simon this yesterday … he said “I TOLD YOU THAT ALREADY !!!!”

I know … but I needed to understand it.

Now I understand it.

I will create beautiful art … and download wonderful teachings.

But this isn’t to attract students.

This is to validate them.

I am not here to sell magick.
I am not here to sell “god”.

I am here to prove it.

I will make you believe in god, or I will die in the process …

PAIN … you make me a believer.

KABBALAH 99 coming soon ...

---

KALI of  dEATH
JUNE 24, 2019

TODAY'S SONG

NOTHING ELSE MATTERS
by Apocalyptica
. . .

SPOTIFY

YOUTUBE
there is another variation, on spotify also

---

KALI of the hANGED MAN
JUNE 23, 2019

This is about seeing things from another point of view.
Suspended in-action.
Waiting.  With Patience, and wisdom.

Today I woke up to a phone call with Simon. 
He has purchased my plane ticket to go back to London and we are having fun getting to know each other on a much deeper level.

I am getting ready to leave So Cal, and I don’t know when I will be back.

We are going to a wedding soon, Simon and I, in Portugal. 
I have never been.  We will go to Porto.  It looks like a nice little city.

COFFEE SHOPS

I met a man today. 
He was sitting next to me at Starbucks. 
My favorite place to go to normally, was closed, because it is a Sunday.

So I ask this man to watch my stuff while I step out for a small break.

He was crusty with social boundaries and ice in his aura, but I have a warm way with people and they generally respond well to me.

After I returned, we had a nice conversation. 
I had a box of peppermint dark chocolates from Trader Joes and offered him some. 
He declined, but mentioned how good chocolates from Trader Joes were.

I asked him what he did. I saw papers on his table and asked if he was a teacher.

He said he was a philosophy teacher at the local community college.

I thought to myself “Well I can have a conversation with this man …”

And so we did.  About life, and progress. 
And the failings happening all around in our education system. 
And how the millennial generation, the “digital natives” are so different.

He talked about google interfering “intervening” in the school’s efficiency protocols, so they can get funding from the state.

And how the arts and thought provoking classes continue to be cut, from the system.

When I was in London with Simon, he asked me, as we were walking in front of Prince Harry’s house in Kensington Gardens, if I thought we were having a global awakening.

Being surrounded by the new age community, that is all you ever hear.

But the reality and practical nature of that question leaves an intelligent one to think. 
ARE WE TRULY HAVING A GLOBAL AWAKENING?

I ask this for a few reasons. 
Because it is popular to say yes.
But the reality is, I don’t really see it.
Not truthfully. 
Not with Deep Impact.

That is an unpopular stance. 
I do see it with the food community, though.
I do see it, because I can go on facebook and say I AM A WITCH … and I don’t get burned at the stake.

But really, how much is that contingent on a true global awakening?

I ask this because this philosophy teacher is in the same boat I am.
And he thinks all of his students, and the conditions in society, are just getting worse.

We talked about what it meant … to live a good life.

And these students don’t really have it.

Simon said the net value for millennial adults is $8.000.
He said this to me today.

So it is a delusion that a good life for a millennial is going to be about money.

So what is the value of their existence?

It isn’t balance either. 
They are slaves to a digital age. 
And can barely be educated in arts. 
They are only productive and mentally-emotionally unstable.

In my dragon queen article,
I talked about how Steven Spielberg should have a “Hogwarts” post-education integration for artists, to enter the professional world.  Buzzfeed has the model for this.
A school, a program, to train interns graduating the art world.
So they don't fall into a system to become another google tech engineer.

Steven Spielberg being the kind of king of Hollywood should set the standard of appropriate behavior, for how we create change. 
If he doesn’t who will? 
Elijah Wood won’t. 
But why would he …. he creates whore movies.

Hollywood has so much power, and they just throw it down the drain.
It makes me want to cry.

But this philosophy teacher said a few things that really made sense … about quality of life.

DOES THE WORLD CREATE CONDITIONS to create a connection with others ???
… or to NOT to create a connection with others ???

Does it unite or separate.

Does the coffee shop create a model for community to come together and just say “hi” to each other … or does it make people isolate.

The unicorn (Steven Spielberg’s Unicorn) and I had a similar conversation lately. 
She was listening to a woman talk about positive thinking, and how it was all bullshit.

I agree.  

But the main success factor in accomplishing your goals was community support around you …

THAT is what made the difference, if someone succeeded or didn’t.
That just a handful of people supporting you would create a miracle.

That isolation, was the enemy.

That separation, was the devil.

Your connections, your community, was the difference if you succeed or failed.  

You know another person who understood this?
The guy from FAT SICK & NEARLY DEAD.
My favorite documentary.
He did a second documentary, and that is what he came up with.
The main difference for people to succeed or fail, was the community support around them.

When you create a world with boundaries, if they are healthy, the world will thrive. 
But if those boundaries create alienation and separation EVERYONE will lose.  EVERYONE.

I love Starr.  I know I had a really hard time at the Dome.
I asked my cards if she knew I loved her, and the answer was no.
But I do.  That woman is a miracle healer, teacher, a saint.
She is successful, and famous.

But never once did she make herself unavailable and inaccessible to me.

With total humility, she was generous with her time and attention.

And I teach like that too … because she showed me how.

There was a community consciousness there. 
A goal to break down walls, not build them up.

You want to know about quality of life … I have done so much magick … and trained and trained … but there are TWO main good times of my life.

One was being part of the Mayan Lineage of Magick … and not feeling alone.

The other was being on my high school field hockey team.

The next would be my time in college.

You want to talk about quality of life … talk about love, and feeling like you get to belong somewhere.
And that you have friends. 
And even if they aren’t friends, they have to support you.
There can be no weak link.
You are part of the community.
You are part of the team.

Because if you don’t belong … there is not ounce of quality.

If there is no quality … then why be here at all …

Simon makes me feel like I belong.
I will probably marry that man.
That is his gift.  

My students also make me feel like I belong, but I spend A LOT of time, making sure they feel like they do.
I spend a lot of time, getting people on the edge of oblivion to come back to earth, and make them feel, and believe, and understand, that they are not alone.

On Coffee Shops …

I spent most of my time at Vinaka Cafe during my hunger strike.

That coffee shop set up an energy for people to meet, and talk, and connect.

And play chess.

And not be homeless.

They did it right.
That coffee shop, made people not alone.


YOU WILL EITHER MAKE PEOPLE BELONG
OR YOU WILL NOT …

But that is what will determine your quality.
That is what will determine your success in the future.


WE ARE A TEAM
OR WE ARE NOTHING


That philosophy teacher’s name was Marco

… Polo …


Are we waking up as a global community?  I don’t see it yet … but there is room.

We can’t even save some whales …
But I do see it with the food.
And I can be a witch.

---

KALI of the hANGED MAN
JUNE 23, 2019

TODAY'S SONG:

WE HAVE TO GO
by Steve Jablonsky
. . .

SPOTIFY

YOUTUBE

---

JUNE 21, 2019
KALI of the we ALL

TODAY'S WORK
on top of teaching kabbalah Geburah
and doing a 45 min tarot reading
and creating DNA kabbalah grids for my student

this would be god coming through ...
and #opal
if you only knew ...

...

if you are wondering if I am eating now ... well obviously ...
I am not suicidal ... I am just making a statement

---

JUNE 21, 2019
KALI of the we ALL

I am getting really excited, I have taught 3 kabbalah classes to paying students within the last two weeks.

I taught a class AND did a tarot reading today.

I have design work to do this weekend.

I am wondering how I am going to get my website done, but GOD SAYS "patience darling" just like simon ...

I am getting ready to produce this Kabbalah 99 program. 
All my AI skills are now going to create kabbalah DNA grids for my students.
All my AI skills are going to help me illustrate what kabbalah is for all of you ...
This is work, and this is real.

I have 3 new healing modalities coming into view, although I do prefer to teach long term students, than do the 1 off healings.

ZIPPER sealing.
HONEY magick,
ET Gel healing. (old)
UMBILICAL CORD cutting.
SNAKE SKIN shedding. (downloading ...)

These are really powerful, and work, I wonder how I will present them.

Happy Summer Solstice.

What did I get out of a failed hunger strike ... everything.
GOD SAYS "patience darling ... patience"

---

JUNE 20, 2019
KALI of the hERMIT

TODAY'S WORK

---

JUNE 19, 2019
KALI of sTRENGTH

I understand this card now ...

I say this, but I will keep getting more humbling teaching from spirit ...
I know this to be true

There are four layers of knowing

KNOWING WHAT YOU KNOW
KNOWING WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW
NOT KNOWING WHAT YOU KNOW
NOT KNOWING WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW

it is the last two that fuck you ...

the throat chakra and DAATH is about KNOWING

but also about witch craft

i think that is the mystery of DAATH
that everyone is so confused about

that what you say will turn into matter
that blew is the future coming to manifest


your word is power

I AM CREATING A KABBALAH 99 progam
this will be free ... but at a price
always
it is a recorded program, that is static
how unfortunate, because when i work with my students, the class is dynamic and the cirriculum changes with the students
and the adeptness and needs each individual has
this was the failure on how i was taught - you can blame MMS

but then on my third tree, I did a self-study, with Starr, while I was at the dome
and she had me tutoring a student
I learned more in that year, than 2 trees with ms. theresa bullard

granted, she gave me a foundation to work from, i give her credit

but what i have learned through the past few trees is this:

KABBALAH and the Tree of Life = your DNA  (***THAT WAS NEVER ONCE MENTIONED)
so when you go through the tree, YOU CHANGE
so does your class

the fact that her class didn't change
means she didn't change
which means she didn't integrate the lessons into her 3d life
FAIL
huge epic fail

whatever ... that was just my experience, oh and the experience of all my friends who also took kabbalah with MMS
i taught them also
from all my work with starr, and being blessed to teach kabbalah with that lineage, I have found a number of lessons I am eager to teach

shadow and all ...

don't worry MMS doesn't own Kabbalah, but i think they like to think that they do
which will piss off every other Kabbalah organization out there ... LOL .... I will find them all

ps i own hermetickabbalah.com now too

#howdoyoulikethempomegranates
#fruitofknowledge

kabbalah 104 material by kali ren

can really  NOBODY see the strands of DNA in that?

nobody?
seriously?

this was not taught to me at MMS
and i spent 5K and 2 years with them ... just taking kabbalah

and it is fucking basic ...

can nobody see the lightning path?
the ida & pingala?

the 3 strands of DNA?
the 5 strands of DNA when you make the tree of life 3 D?

no?  I will have to show you ...

GAME ON ...
i guess Gudni would rather sexually harass his students then teach them the basics

---

JUNE 17, 2019
KALI of the lOVERS

LET THERE BE LIGHT and LOVE
and green candle light magick 41

I get stronger, smarter, clearer now everyday

whatever this hunger strike was, became a path accross the abyss for me to find whatever god or goddess is ...

I am owning the failure
I did write a chapter on this in the dragon queen article, which I will be putting back up soon, and advertising
it will go on public record

"ALL PATHS LEAD TO FAILURE .
.. so you might as well start somewhere"
this is supposed to empower you over your fear of failure, understanding that failure is inevitable
but that growth and strength will come, if you continue down that path.
my job is to keep going ... to drag on ...
and to only look back to see how far i have come

"SET YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE  AND YOU WILL SURELY SUCCEED"

this is very akin to the the empty cup teachings ... and the "be nothing" teachings

GOT was a dissapointment
the story of Kali distorted, but close ...
it was an almost, but not quite enough

I wonder how george r martin would have done it

shiva didn't come in submission, and great benevolence to heal her, he just stabs her in the gut to die and her dragon burns down what really killed her ... bittersweet, an almost ...

did anyone understand that dany is kali?
no?
this is how uneducated people are ...
you can read about this in my queen article


I read a fair amount of reviews about GOT ending, and the general consensus is this ...
"do you know who was really dissapointed in the last 2 episodes?  all the parents who named their daughters Khaleesi"
but really ... she did her job ... which was to kill the demons that kept coming back to life ...
please ... KALI ...

I HAVE SPENT THE LAST MONTH DOING WEED ...
it was an amazing experience and i kept getting the best magick downloads, "in my face downloads"
I think I am already a huge dictionary of spirit knowledge, and a deep channel
but this .. the experience of surrendering to the high and allowing the energy come through was transcendent

I now understand why people use weed to heal Post Traumatic Stress disorder
most of what was still in my body from the beach and post london visit ... seemed to dissolve and be worked through
even simon noticed

his connection to me is strong, and I could see how his old soul galactic cords followed me around, even when we didn't talk
and sure enough, he started to contact me again, after weeks of not talking.

so now we are on the mend and as I sit in glendale and santa barbara doing the best work I have ever done, I am looking forward to go back out there again

I have new students coming in
one starting kabbalah malkuth with me tomorrow
the jesusy girl and I went into yesod

I am attracting design clients

and I am attracting tarot readings

I am also starting the youtube videos for teaching,
and starting to building the free KABBALAH 99 program
(*starr fuentes asked/told me to do this years ago ... I am now finally ready)

I AM FREE

I am a failed hunger strike artist ...
BUT I AM A SUCCESS

#hollywoodwatchmeshine

I even think my dragon king article was a success ... TBD
but I will be sure to let you know in coming weeks

see the thing about being at the bottom and living in hell, but keeping your wits about you
is that there is only up from here

---

MAY 27, 2019
KALI of the tOWER

LET THERE BE MAGICK ...
and patience

got an email today, from a journalist in iceland
he said he was doing a piece on Gudni and MMS
and asked if it was true, that they sued me ...

my response ... not that i know of
but i said he did sexually harass me
and i thought the MMS was gross and unethical

hey Jordan ... you can leave anytime ...

but the thought that there is talk, reaching iceland, about them suing me, is a win ...

i told you all, i would go to that beach, dressed in layers
no one believed me ... what a shame.

#freemywhales

---

MAY 5, 2019
KALI of gEBURAH

TODAY'S WORK

WORKS IN PROGRESS
Business card - ILLUSTRATOR Day 4

It is ready for print!  Thank you CIA man for believing in me ...

LET THERE BE MAGICK ...

KALI REN TAROT BUSINESS CARD | Day 4

---

MAY 4, 2019
KALI of cHESED

TODAY'S WORK

WORKS IN PROGRESS
Business card - ILLUSTRATOR Day 3

SUPER FUCKING PROUD
only on day three


DON'T CALL THAT PHONE NUMBER ... LOL

my corky i will light a candle for you ....

my baby!

THE LOVERS | Day 12 - almost done

---

MAY 3, 2019
KALI of bINAH

TODAY'S WORK

WORKS IN PROGRESS
Business card - ILLUSTRATOR Day 2

i think this is going to look cool

---

MAY 3, 2019
KALI of bINAH

EMPTY CUPS

I am pretty much broke.  I have literally two months of bills and food paid for, even after I get paid from my client.

I will be living on the beach, I don’t know what beach, but I will be on A BEACH.

I took a risk, a huge risk going out to London, and fell on my ass instead.

I am defeated.

I am at rock bottom.

Yet … I am sober.  I am smart.  I am wise.  I have talents, and health. My body is not in pain.  My brain is focused and clear.  And I am grounded.  I am awake.

I am grounded, at rock bottom.

I had to be, because today, I will teach Yesod.   The heaviest yesod of my life.  

Today I have an empty cup.  

Today I learn.

Today, because I have an empty cup, I can learn.

Me and Jesus, we be teaching some Kabbalah. :)

...

it would be redundant to clarify, that when I teach kabbalah, I am actually LEARNING kabbalah.  But let me take a dig on everyone who thinks they know more than me ...

…

I said I had an empty cup, and today, my lady Jesus student told me about WWOOF programs.

I had never heard of them before.  

I have very little money, but I would make a great candidate to work on a farm for 6 months.

I would enjoy the physical labor and being in nature, and taking care of little kids very much.

I need $$$ to buy a plane ticket.  I presume I would go to Canada and do the program there.

I am feeling called to BC - probably because of OrcaLab and the whales too.

This might be a great option, maybe there is a way that I can do this, and then build my design clientele over these six months … and then NOT END UP ON A BEACH … lol.


We will see.  That or something better.

---

MAY 2, 2019
KALI of cHOKMAH

TODAY'S WORK

Sketch up comping for kali dragons tarot business card ...
excited about this

it is all my classes I just learned, galvanizing into actual work.

Work in Progress - Day 1

I love that I actually have the balls to show you this shit ...

---

MAY 2, 2019
KALI of cHOKMAH

THE HONEST SHAMAN & "THE BOOK"

I didn’t know I needed to cut down trees to save the world …

What it means to take a stand, work for what you believe in …
and decide you don’t need to cut down 500 trees to have a voice, be heard, and make a difference in people’s lives.

How do you make an impact, when the process involves going against nature, life, reverence and health?

In today’s society, in the spiritual new wave movement, it seems that the only way to make money, or make your voice heard, is by publishing “the book”.

People like Angela Laurie and Johnny Angel and many others make a huge profit on counseling you this idea.

But as a shaman … and looking at the world around me, I just can’t and won’t qualify that printing out a book, that only half (or a third) of the people are actually going to read, is the answer.

I can’t justify cutting down trees just so I can make money.

I can’t justify cutting down trees, just so I can be heard.

Because if I was really creative, I could create another way.  That used way less energy, was more efficient, and that wasted less.



I have been told by spirit to write, but not a book.

I have been told by spirit to create videos.

I have been educated by spirit to go on a hunger strike.

I have been educated by spirit to create art.

And where the digital world seems to encompass more of my work …
And seems to be the platform for all future progress, I don’t really believe that it is the answer either.

Yes, I am going to create a tarot deck, but that is not a book, that says the same thing that everyone else does.

Yes, I will create a tarot deck, but it is a piece of art, that will be used by masters.

Yes, I will care, what I print and who prints it.

Yes I will be mindful.  And that is way more than I can say about 90% of the “spirit teachers” of the new age movement.

The fact that Dalia Lama can’t print on 100% recycled materials says a lot, and nothing at the same time.


But I do think the digital market place is much better than not adopting a more green mindset, especially when we talk about selling “self-help” or “shamany” or “spiritually influenced” books.

Otherwise, it is just another hypocrisy.

You either believe in progress, and nature, or you don’t.  But don’t sell me your nature loving words on the backs of dead trees. Seriously …

And yes, I am using a computer that was probably built by a 13 year old Chinese girl dealing with rampant sexual harassment and starving … but honestly, I am fighting my ass off to prevent that, and at least I am not in denial of it.

It is the truth, and an uncomfortable one, at that …

---

MAY 1, 2019
KALI of kETHER

THE HONEST SHAMAN and let there be light
and magick in the air …


So people have been excited about the throat chakra teachings coming through.

I find this fitting, because I haven’t found a lot out there about it.

    1. The throat chakra is dragon magick.
    2. The throat chakra is more than the ability to “SPEAK YOUR TRUTH”


What does that even mean? To speak your truth?

Is it Your truth, or the truth, or god’s truth.

…

Simon and I are complete now.

We are done.

No fights, just done.

I gave him one final dragon king test, to repair the damage done, after this last month.
It is a final test, not because it is the last one ... but because he won't move beyond it. 
He won't pass and move forward.

He will surely fail, at least I believe so.

For the life of him, he will not say “as you wish”.

Not with his actions.

OBEDIENCE

This is a virtue of Chesed.

It is obedience, to love, to honor, to nobility, to heroism, and to god.

I asked for his help before we continue to communicate, and there is only silence on his end.

He cannot respond to me at all.

He has no ability to respond.

He takes no responsibility.

And where he will say “MY PROBLEM” with his words … they are only sweet nothings with no gravity, and no action behind them.

They are cheap.  They aren’t even worth $300.


When I said, I will only marry a Dragon King, I meant it.

So any mate with either already be a Dragon King, or will have to pass every test, to become one.

It is that simple.

It is that humble.

My mate will be a hero.  My mate will be a master.  My mate will be a dragon king.  Nothing more, nothing less.

…

You cannot be a hero, unless you have the ability to be obedient to all that is good in life.

But to everyone else listening, I didn’t find that dragon king, but I did find Draco Malfoy. Sorry Simon.  I know there is some good in you.  Perhaps it is worth more than $300.

He didn’t even start to light the candles.  

What a waste.

---

APRIL 30, 2019
KALI of the sUN

TODAY'S WORK

Works In Progress

This is starting to get very OCD - I think I figured out the water line colors.

THE LOVERS, ART | Day 10

---

APRIL 30, 2019
KALI of the sUN

LET THERE BE LIGHT - UPDATE

i did it ...

i own the first two rows ... and i have only begun ...

#bitcheswatchmeshine

---

APRIL 30, 2019
KALI of the sUN

LET THERE BE LIGHT

and Happy Birthday Lexa ...

I went home the other day, well walked to my mother's beach condo. I went there to collect mail ... and what I found was less than inspiring, and more a show of poverty of spirit than I could have ever imagined.

I knocked on the door, and noticed the knob had been changed.  She changed the locks, because her daughter left and went on a public hunger strike in addition to a homeless adventure.  So she changed the locks ... says more about her, than it does about me.

She also let my plants die.

I loved those plants.

I have been thinking I want to reconnect before she passes.  But her actions have only shown that she has nothing left.  It is sad, she will die of dementia, and I will watch it from afar.

She didn't answer, she wasn't there
... but in reality, I am not sure if she ever was.

On another note, talked my ex yesterday ... it was beautiful. He is more grounded and sane than I have ever found him.  And he is strong.  And it brings tears to my eyes because he is strong.  Just of handful of us, and we could change the world ... just a handful.  He brought a new hope back into my life yesterday, and I am so grateful.  He has watched me these last 15 years, he has seen everything.  And both of us, are in the best spaces we have ever been. 

Yesterday, connecting with him, made me excited for the future.

---

APRIL 29, 2019
KALI of the mOON

TODAY'S WORK

WORKS IN PROGRESS

MY OWL | Udemy Illustrator Class Lesson 8

THE LOVERS, ART | Day 9

---

APRIL 27, 2019
KALI of the tOWER

TOTAL DESTRUCTION
and ready for rebuild ...


TODAY'S WORK

WORKS IN PROGRESS

so it looks like I am back at this full time now ...
#orcashamanism

I design everything on a stretch landscape horizontal with the orcas, so it is website ready ... because I think creating the vertical edit for the tarot will be easy, and the landscape horizontal will not.

TWO OF CUPS | Day 3

SIX OF CUPS | Day 1

THE IMPOSSIBLE TRIANGLE | Udemy Illustrator Class Assignment

KALI INSTITUTE | Business Card

KALI INSTITUTE | Business Card (I would have chosen another typeface for the copy)

---

APRIL 27, 2019
KALI of the tOWER

TOTAL DESTRUCTION
and ready for rebuild ...

What once was reality, can now be destroyed.  Whether or not, it feels like death, or chaos, or beneficial creation, the constructs of reality that once took hold and created a prison or a stable force of energy, can now be broken down to be ready for rebuild.

This seems to be a pattern with my relationship with Simon.  The tower card has come up A LOT.  It is broken down, redefined, broken down, redefined ... over and over again.

People with this card as a life path, have an easy time adapting to situations.  There is an excessive warrior energy to it also, as it is ruled by Mars, and colored red through many spectrums.

So they spend most of their time, destroying what was, and being the center of attention while doing it.

It isn't a bad way to go.  It is like having Wreck It Ralph coming in, to break down the tower, so you can rebuild a better one ... for everyone.

So I have this Kabbalah Student ... she is very Jesusy. 

She is so pure, that I am able to run an incredibly advanced tree with her.  But this takes time.

We started in Malkuth, and the tree is so heavy, and grounded, I ended up doing a hunger strike a month later.  Talk about big changes.  I might have also manifested my mate.

There is work to do.  But maybe, just maybe, this tree is legit.

I find the more advanced the student, the heavier the tree.  The heavier the tree, the more change and transformation can occur.

And between me and Miss Jesus we have set some roots this winter.  Malkuth integration lasted for almost 6 months.  It usually is over in 2.

Malkuth is not the foundation.  It is like the ground setting before the foundation is even laid.  And we just cleared a football field and grew roots deep.  In Hermetic Kabbalah we talk about the Oak Tree being the significant tree magick for Malkuth, because the strength, depth and size of the roots.

But Miss Jesus, she wanted to go old school, that woman challenges EVERYTHING.  So we found the Boaboa tree.  The ancient African "tree of life".  It is quite interesting that the Kabbalists of western Europe, would have thought only of the Oak tree, because that was more relevant to their environment, but really, it could easily be the Boaboa tree, that holds a better Kabbalah grid. 

Who knew?

So we had to integrate. And my whole body felt it.  Total destruction, and ready for a rebuild ....

---

APRIL 26, 2019
KALI of the dEVIL


YESTERDAY'S & TODAY'S WORK

Works in Progress - Class Files

MODERN SWAN | Udemy Illustrator Class Hmwk 2

MY ORCA | Udemy Illustrator Class Hmwk 1

---

APRIL 26, 2019
KALI of the DEVIL

This is my favorite day.  You would think that the devil card/path would be scary, but I just always find myself more grounded ...

If I am overworked, on this day I normally relax, and if I am relaxed, I am then thrown into production.

The devil path connects the heart to the mind, maybe if your shadow side is balanced, the devil is a breeze ... you know, maybe ...


Today I feel grounded.  Today I took another class.  Today I realized again how much I love to learn.

---

APRIL 25, 2019
KALI of tEMPERANCE

YESTERDAY'S WORK

Works in Progress - Class Files

THE FOX | Illustrator Class on Udemy

---

APRIL 25, 2019
KALI of tEMPERANCE

So yesterday I tried to break up with Simon …

He didn't want to listen to me, so I am complete ...

Today, he did want to listen to me ... so we continue our skype relationship until I go back to London ...

Here is an important story.  It reflects the value of the angel of temperance.

It is the Fox and the Prince.

This story is not mine obviously.  It is a morality tale about creating relationships, and maintaining them.
Simon never read this story ... but it is an important one.

Yesterday I started my first Adobe Illustrator class.

You would think I learned it in Art School, but I didn’t … not really.  I learned Photoshop and InDesign instead.

Yesterday's work, I created the fox.  I am still working on the Prince …



THE FOX AND THE PRINCE | CHAPTER 21
The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

It was then that the fox appeared.

"Good morning," said the fox.

"Good morning," the little prince responded politely, although when he turned around he saw nothing.

"I am right here," the voice said, "under the apple tree."

"Who are you?" asked the little prince, and added, "You are very pretty to look at."

"I am a fox," the fox said.

"Come and play with me," proposed the little prince. "I am so unhappy."

"I cannot play with you," the fox said. "I am not tamed."

"Ah! Please excuse me," said the little prince.
But, after some thought, he added:
"What does that mean--'tame'?"

"You do not live here," said the fox. "What is it that you are looking for?"

"I am looking for men," said the little prince. "What does that mean--'tame'?"

"Men," said the fox. "They have guns, and they hunt. It is very disturbing. They also raise chickens. These are their only interests. Are you looking for chickens?"

"No," said the little prince. "I am looking for friends. What does that mean--'tame'?"

"It is an act too often neglected," said the fox. It means to establish ties."

"'To establish ties'?"

"Just that," said the fox. "To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ."

"I am beginning to understand," said the little prince. "There is a flower . . . I think that she has tamed me . . ."

"It is possible," said the fox. "On the Earth one sees all sorts of things."

"Oh, but this is not on the Earth!" said the little prince.

The fox seemed perplexed, and very curious.
"On another planet?"

"Yes."

"Are there hunters on that planet?"

"No."

"Ah, that is interesting! Are there chickens?"

"No."

"Nothing is perfect," sighed the fox.
But he came back to his idea.

"My life is very monotonous," the fox said. "I hunt chickens; men hunt me. All the chickens are just alike, and all the men are just alike. And, in consequence, I am a little bored. But if you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others. Other steps send me hurrying back underneath the ground. Yours will call me, like music, out of my burrow. And then look: you see the grain-fields down yonder? I do not eat bread. Wheat is of no use to me. The wheat fields have nothing to say to me. And that is sad. But you have hair that is the color of gold. Think how wonderful that will be when you have tamed me! The grain, which is also golden, will bring me back the thought of you. And I shall love to listen to the wind in the wheat . . ."

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.

"Please--tame me!" he said.

"I want to, very much," the little prince replied. "But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames," said the fox. "Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me . . ."

"What must I do, to tame you?" asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient," replied the fox. "First you will sit down at a little distance from me--like that--in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings. But you will sit a little closer to me, every day . . ."

The next day the little prince came back.

"It would have been better to come back at the same hour," said the fox. "If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you . . . One must observe the proper rites . . ."

"What is a rite?" asked the little prince.

"Those also are actions too often neglected," said the fox. "They are what make one day different from other days, one hour from other hours. There is a rite, for example, among my hunters. Every Thursday they dance with the village girls. So Thursday is a wonderful day for me! I can take a walk as far as the vineyards. But if the hunters danced at just any time, every day would be like every other day, and I should never have any vacation at all."

...

So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near--

"Ah," said the fox, "I shall cry."

"It is your own fault," said the little prince. "I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you . . ."

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!" said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so," said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good," said the fox, "because of the color of the wheat fields." And then he added:

"Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."

...

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.

"You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."

And the roses were very much embarassed.

"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you--the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.

...

And he went back to meet the fox.

"Goodbye," he said.

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important."

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose--" said the little prince, so that he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth," said the fox. "But you must not forget it. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose . . ."

"I am responsible for my rose," the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

---

APRIL 24, 2019
KALI of dEATH


As I meditate, and get more clear and positive towards things again, my bodies begin to create new space for new outcomes.

I will be creating my tarot decks, and starting a video teaching for kabbalah and animal magick, accompanied with the tarot of course.

Sending gratitude and putting forward positive energy has been really useful these days to rebalance and bring everything back to center.  I hope I can create a better outcome by doing so …

---

APRIL 22, 2019
KALI of jUSTICE

Here we have justice.

What it means to fight for something.

What it means to live for something.

What it means to stand for something.

This path sits below the abyss, because it works in the soul and human world.

But to achieve the heights of heaven, you have to have this path strong in your life.

This isn’t a path of violence, but it is a path of war.

And there is a difference.

Here we connect the heart chakra, to Geburah at the right shoulder.

Here we get the energy and fire from heaven, to stand up and fight for what is right.

Without this path, there is no mercy, without this path, there is no Frodo, without this path, there is no Harry Potter, or John Snow, and definitely no dragon queen.  This path is severe, but it is life.

And without this path, there is nothing … and nothing worth living for.

---

APRIL 21, 2019
KALI of the wHEEL

TODAY'S WORK

WORKS IN PROGRESS

So I decided for each card that I make, I will also make an ethereal fog version of it, as a signature for my work ...

I like this idea, it is both challenging, and ads depth to my work.

THE LOVERS ART PIECE | Day 6

---

APRIL 21, 2019
KALI of the wHEEL

So CIA man and I have been at it …

Mostly because I am going to end up back on the beach in the next month, when his girlfriend comes to live here …

And he wants me on my feet instead.



I want to be back on my feet, believe me …

But I am an old soul, and tired …

And if I am going to fight for something, it better be worth it.

And I just can’t see how me getting a vapid job in society, so I can continue to survive in this zombie slave system is going to fix anything …

That has been my stance for 10 years.

Getting that vapid job before, it paid for all my shaman training …

It paid for my healing, it paid for everything

But now, I just don’t care …

That stance is an unpopular one.

It seems to be contrary to everyone.

And I just feel shut down instead.

I almost got a job interview the other day, some people contacted me about a Greenhouse ATS Implementation.

Yes, I can do that work.  I did it for Fender Guitars globally.

The problem is, is that I am going to make it as an artist/spirit teacher/shaman or I am not …

Because one google of my name, and you get “HUNGER STRIKE” and “FREE WILLY” and half naked pictures of me at the beach.

So apparently no interview …

I was never really an attractive corporate candidate.

More like a mascot to some companies.

But now, unless the people know me, I am probably not going to get through the door.

So most of my work has come through referrals.

And so do my clients/students.


Most people want to see a projected image of success …

That is what sells

But that isn’t what is powerful …
That isn’t what is real,
And that isn’t even Zen.

I have a success story

It is a miracle …

But it only looks like a miracle if you knew who I was 10 years ago

It is only the proof of change that dictates a miracle

If you saw me 10 years ago, and saw me today, you would have said God did it.

And instead, the people who saw, they don’t care, and the people who would care, well, they don’t see …

It is kind of like a recursive trap, just like the wheel.

I wonder if it will ever be broken.

Happy Easter ...

---

APRIL 20, 2019
KALI of the hERMIT

TODAY'S WORK

WORKS IN PROGRESS

I am really excited about this, working with this beautiful artwork, to build out the animal magick/orca section on my website.

This is something that I am really proud of ...

THE LOVERS | Day 5

SIMON | Day 10 (almost done)

---

APRIL 20, 2019
KALI of the hERMIT

UPDATE

God says patience darling ...

because I am not alone
article title to link below

DUST IS STILL BREAKING
Apple's Improved MacBook Pro Keyboards
soon you will find out, when I actually take the time to complain about something ... it usually matters ... and I am usually not alone ...

yes, that says DUST
Dust is breaking Apples Keyboards
I spent 3000$ on a Keyboard
that is taken out and rendered useless by DUST
yes DUST
yes, I said .... DUST
let me repeat that

DUST
DUST IS SUPER POWERFUL
D  U  S  T

apparently it took SEVERAL class action lawsuits against apple, for them to admit there was a problem ...

SAD

well, now I can go get my computer fixed ... but at a price
because I lose 1 week of work ...
apparently NOT APPLE'S PROBLEM
apparently Apple doesn't pass the Dragon King test ...

---

APRIL 20, 2019
KALI of the hERMIT

So today I meditated … on my heart chakra
For hours …

The experience was beautiful ...
It felt so good.

I spent two hours holding my burning heart chakra and feeling like I was coming back to center.
After a hellish fall/winter, then months on the beach, and after a tumultuous visit in London.

I spent those hours holding my heart chakra, and it was like everything was back to fine … back to normal again.

I think that is what Annie refers to when she says the Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow.

We all have this center inside of us.  This Sun Center.

I love this path the Hermit, because it connects the Heart Chakra to Chesed.

It is about leaving society, and rules, and structures, and games, and stepping into total forgiveness and spirit.

And it connects the heart chakra to that energy.

I used to be afraid of that path, but any of the paths that connect to the heart chakra, are usually some of my favorite to go through.

So tomorrow, I won’t feel as grounded in spirit, or centered, because I will be running the Wheel instead.

And where the wheel will bring opportunity, it rarely brings balance and stability.

But today I sat in silence and held my heart, and began to heal it, and let it glow.

This is the premise for all healing, because all healing can only happen with the heart.

…

It was in this clear space … that I remembered that Simon told me he would be away for the weekend … but like over a week ago.

And where his lack of presence could be excused …

He conveniently forgot to remind me, during our last conversation.
He conveniently didn’t send me a text after work that he was going to be on a meditation retreat all weekend.
He didn’t care to communicate that to me.
He didn’t care.

Our relationship is pretty much non-existent, and instead of taking the time and effort to put a coin into the trust jar, he didn’t care to instead.

So yesterday I sat and waited at a computer for hours, waiting to talk to him …
And today, completely detached from the entire relationship, I gained clarity on why …

I am sending him divine love again.
...

The missing teaching ...

TRUST
Trust is built in the small moments
the day by day actions
the small things you do and say
like showing up
and creating clear communication ... and making that important ...

---

APRIL 19, 2019
KALI of sTRENGTH

I wrote this entry below for Simon, because he asked me yesterday, if the current failings of our relationship were all his fault ...
and my answer, was no ...

Because I can grow too, and what he said to me, part of it was true ... and I can grow to be more kind, and pleasant.

I watched the movie HARVEY two days ago.  And something stuck with me.  At the end, the old psychiatrist asked James Stewart's character, Mr. Dowd, why he was not angry with righteous indignation, at the behavior of his family, trying to institutionalize him ... and Mr Dowd responded.  And his response I will remember forever.

He said, "my mother told me I could grow up and be smart, or I could become pleasant.... I spent many years being smart ... I prefer to be pleasant."

MIND BLOWN

I have heard this many times before, but seeing it in this context, with this story, really hit home with me.

And so today I decided: I would like to become more pleasant, instead of "smart".

And that is the lesson, of this path, strength.  Because here is a gentle angel, opening the mouth of a Lion.  And she can only do it, because of her pleasantry, and kindness, and benevolence.  And her gentleness is her strength.


ENTRY BELOW

I learned a very important lesson today, about taking things for granted

and it was all about my wacom tablet ...
and how I was upset, when I first purchased it, that it wasn't perfect,
and it is smaller than I wanted,
it could be glitchy,
and it got real dirty, real fast, while I was at the beach

... and then today, I lost my Wacom pen

and I realized how much my work and life depends on that Wacom tablet

and that pen, just that pen, was so expensive

and I wasn't grateful for it, to me, it was just a pen ...

I ONLY EVER LOOKED AT IT, LIKE IT WAS JUST A PEN
It wasn’t all the money, and all the work, that I can do with that pen … you know, in the future

it was a really profound lesson for me

that the potential for something ...
THAT is the value
more than any product that it creates

like a computer, is just a computer
but with an artist, it can be a paintbrush
with a musician, it can create a symphony
and with a coder, it can take over the internet

it is a cool lesson, I never thought about much

…

I never REALLY valued my art school education ... but if you took that away from me ... I would be pissed

I think that is kind of funny

that the dormant potential that sits in me,
BECAUSE of my art school education, that is everything

I never thought about it like that

(Thank you mom, for my art school education ...
I am beginning to become more grateful for it.)

...

It is like looking at my paintings, or our relationship on day 1
And judging it
And taking for granted the potential

Instead of looking past the rough edges, and just working on it, day by day
It gets better and better

...

I WROTE THAT FOR SIMON TODAY - he never received it


I took down a bunch of posts last night, after having a conversation with him, and thinking I wanted to work things out ...
and today, that beautiful man I talked to yesterday, he didn't show up to talk to me today ... and I am trying ... how do I be pleasant with that?

I waited at a coffee shop for hours, just to talk to him ...
Not because we said we would talk then, but because that is what we normally do, at that time ...

And he didn't show up ....

And I spent 2 hours watching my computer screen, excited to tell him all these things ... and more ....

And instead, I watched a computer screen, and realized this isn't how I want to spend my life.

Yesterday, after communicating that there was no trust in the relationship, today, he didn't show up to build any.

And all I can think is "what a waste".

So coming full circle:
what Simon communicated to me today, is that it doesn't matter if I show up for him .... or not ... tomorrow, or the next day ...
or next week ...
Because it didn't matter if he showed up for me today.

Talk about taking things for granted ...

I think I might put some of those posts back up, including the one where I ask Simon to light a candle for me ...

---

APRIL 18, 2019
KALI of the cHARIOT

TODAY'S WORK

WORKS IN PROGRESS - DAY 4

---

APRIL 18, 2019
KALI of the cHARIOT

This path is trouble …

It likes to stir things up.

It rebels, it behaves … how it wants to, and it comes in the form of gods and spirit.
Not humans, not earth, and definitely not society, not societal rules, and not its structures.

This path humbles the most powerful.

The path goes to war.


WHEN THE STUDENT IS READY … THE TEACHER APPEARS

It is really that simple.

I don’t have a lot of students right now, I have a handful.

And those students are exceptional in one capacity or another.

But their one common factor, between them all, is their ability to look at something impossible, and say “I will do it, god will show me the way …”

“I might not be able to, I might fail, but I will try.”

They “SHOW UP”.

I keep trying to press on how important that is.

That spiritual teaching, is everything.

When the student is ready, they will show up …
They will show up for earth, and for god, and humanity.

They will show up for themselves, in every capacity.

And then lightning will strike.

Because just that, just showing up, is 80% of the work.

...

WHEN THE MATE IS READY, THEIR MATCH WILL APPEAR

There is nothing more timeless, than that teaching.

It isn’t about looks, or money, or grandiose superficial agendas. It isn’t about websites, dating profiles, or ego projects.

It is about being ready, nothing more, nothing less.

You want a dragon king for your mate, become a dragon queen.

Nothing more, and nothing less.

It is that simple, and yes, that challenging.

And yes, that humbling.

...

ZEN and the art of ORCA and ENVIRONMENTAL MAINTENANCE

I was ready, and the Orca Whales showed up to be my teachers.

Some people really like this teaching “you get what you give”
With total absolution …

So to those people, I challenge you and request an answer.

Do those whales deserve to sit in a box, and be tortured endlessly for the rest of their lives? Because that is what they gave?

Is this somehow karmic retribution? From bad behavior in a past life?

How can you justify and rationalize in any spiritual capacity, the treatment of these creatures?

Did these whales really “give” imprisonment and torture to humans? Therefore this is just and karmic?

Please rationalize this and give me definitive absolution.

Because really, I don’t get it.

All I see is a test, from god, and you either pass it, or you don’t.



God treats you like you treat other people … and other people treat you like you treat yourself.

This is Starr’s teaching, this makes way more sense to me.

...

Today Simon and I talked and he looked good. And I was sad and hurting ... but today he looked like a man I could truly fall in love with.  And it was beautiful. I saw his soul, oozing out of his body.

---

APRIL 17, 2019
KALI of the lOVERS

TODAY'S WORK

WORKS IN PROGRESS - DAY 3

---

APRIL 17, 2019
KALI of the lOVERS

HE IS JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

Once upon a time I read this book, well listened to the audiobook actually …
Mostly I do this, because I find reading painful, and I would rather create art instead, sometimes, while listening to an audiobook.

I was so scared of this book.  It was everything I didn’t want to hear.

But as I have grown and matured into an adult, this truth has instead set me free.

Because instead of chasing after a man, who is mostly interested in himself, I found myself liberated and freed instead.

As I have grown and mature, and like who I am, I do not need the company of people who don’t enjoy me for being me.

I do not need it.

And I definitely do not want it.

As I grow and mature, and stand for things, this makes things even easier.

My lover, will be that into me.

He will be my best friend.

He will stand for what I stand for, and maybe even more.

He will respect my word. He will respect his.

He will respect my belief, my stories, and my experience. He will respect his.

He will learn kabbalah, because that is what I teach.

He will work with dragons, because that is who I am.

He will be that into me … or he will not be my lover.

It is that simple.

DRAGON KING WANTED ...
(maybe Simon can claim this title ... we will see)

Let me be clear, I will read, I just don't enjoy it as much as I enjoy creating beautiful images to look at.

---

APRIL 16, 2019
KALI of the hIEROPHANT

TODAY'S WORK

WORKS IN PROGRESS - DAY 1

---

APRIL 16, 2019
KALI of the hIEROPHANT

TRUTH AND HIERARCHY

Your word is everything.

When you sell yourself as something, or communicate to people something, that is part of your word.

If you cannot back up your word, then your word has no gravity, no truth to it.

If your word has no power, then YOU have no power.

Because what you have done, is diminish trust golden nuggets, out of the trust jar.

When you value your word, and what you say, and continue to try see that through, even to your own end, then your word has gravity, and it means something.

That way, when you say something like "i love you" people can BELIEVE you.

So when I say, I love my nieces, people can believe me.

Even if they have never seen me with them.

Because my word has gravity. 
Which in turn, has added money into the trust jar.

When you flip-flop your "word" based on "conditions" that are superficial and unwise, your word then becomes deflated.

If you want to build trust, you reinforce your word.  You reinforce your word, because you actually believe in it.

Your actions communicate too.

When you tell someone you love them, and then continue to patronize, shame, displace, and not accept them for who they are, that is a mixed form of communication.

There is no trust in that.

If there is no trust, there is no relationship.  It is that simple.

My hunger strike, even though I did not do it to the "death" actually created a trust for people, total strangers.

Because I said I was going to do something ... and I did it.

Even though it was painful, and excruciating at times, I did it.

So the next time I say I am going to do something, people will believe me.




Simon really wanted to tell me what a huge ego I had.  But in reality, his word, meant NOTHING to me at that time.

And I will spend the entire rest of my life, working diligently to make my word mean EVERYTHING.

That is my power.  And it is really simple and humble.

This is dragon magick.
This is why the first RING of Dragon Magick Initiations are blue. (Dragon Magick by DJ Conway)
Because without your word, you are nothing.

This is the mystery of DAATH.

And this is why I have seen most people not understand the throat chakra.

This is power.

When you throw away the power of your word, you throw away your power.

---

God says "patience darling..."

Because look what I found!  This just made my day.  That and a new client coming in.

This person wrote an entire response to AWESOME OCEAN'S ANTI-BLACKFISH ARTICLE
https://notsoawesomeocean.wordpress.com/tag/seaworld/

NOT SO AWESOME OCEAN !!!!

I love them.

....

AND THEN THIS
This is an article from 2015 from The Guardian
about the SeaWorld lawsuits ...

where people actually sued SeaWorld for false advertising ...
That the whales were happy ... LOL

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2015/apr/10/seaworld-florida-killer-whales-lawsuit
because they were sunburnt, tortured, and sitting in chlorine filled tanks

I love google.

Looks like my fact checking on the orca torture below, is playing out, and is looking like legitimate facts.
Looks like I don't need some asshole to mansplain to me, what a fact is.

---

LIFE LESSON

EMPATHY PART 2

I am done with Hollywood ...

I have a series of paintings to comment on their lack of participation or real interest in helping ... coming soon, but that will be the last time I mention their involvement.

I am done with all of them ...
Literally, all celebed out.

They have conveniently ignored everything I have sent, everything everyone else has sent.
They have literally no empathy, well, at least not enough, for what is actually happening ..

The saddest thing is, is that places like SeaWorld couldn't handle another BLACKFISH
They couldn't have handled a rally of celebs targeting them ...
This could have been done so easily, and instead ONE GIANT EPIC FAILURE.

But you know what, at least I tried everything I could.  I did my best.

---

APRIL 15, 2019
KALI of the eMPEROR

TODAY'S WORK

Works in Progress - Day 2

---

General Orca Intelligence

---

APRIL 15, 2019
KALI of the eMPEROR

The emperor is an incredible path …
It is a total boundary from the god/heaven realms into the physical.

The Higher Wisdom Left Brain to the Heart

The emperor (a dragon king) sits on a concrete block
High in the mountains
With an eagle emblem

I think the Phoenix energy would be much more appropriate
Because it would literally take the magick of a phoenix to work this path to cross the abyss

Please take this as a metaphor, an ultimate guise
Because what comes next is nothing less than magick


Dear Simon,

Thank you for clearing your energy for me today, and sending me love and respect …

That energy wave unblocked our Skype conversation, enough for me to retrieve your messages, and create a change in my website.

I am grateful that you would like to work things out with me, and there is really not much left to work with.

There are almost no golden nuggets in the trust jar with you.


I need a hero, not a student.

I need a man with compassion, instead of shaming criticism.

I need a man who sees me as an equal, instead of a burden.

I need a man who would give UNCONDITIONALLY.

I need a man who’s love would conquer the world, instead of conquer me … my spirit, and my values.

I need a man who will lift me up instead of put me down.

I need a man who will be romantic, instead of just sexual.

I need a man who will have my back, instead of throw me under the bus.

I need a man, who would be committed to make something work with me, instead of throw me onto a plane.

I need a man who will share his love of art and culture, instead of demean and put down mine.

I need a man who will ride a dragon, instead of demonize one.

I need a man who will value the integrity of his word, instead of diminish it.

I need a man who would buy me a phone, instead of make me sit and wait, and wait and wait for hours just to talk to him.

I need a man who is an angel, and on a path of self-mastery.

If you are this man (deep down inside), or want to be this man, then keep reading ...


YOUR CHOICE

I might have “nothing”, but that doesn’t mean I am "nothing”
Except in the Arya Stark kind of way …

You spent a lot of time telling me about giving unconditionally, hopefully because you are a master at it …

Light a candle, everyday for me, and pray …
For the next two months …
(Even when you are on your fancy trip to Barbados)

While I am probably starving and homeless …

Light that candle, and think of that LOVE and RESPECT you have for me …
Unconditionally …

With total detachment from the outcome …

Do THAT …
And you may finally understand me
And you may finally understand a little bit of romance, in my eyes

And even if you did that, you will know, that that is only a FRACTION of what I have given to be with “the love of my life.”
That that is only a fraction, of what I have done the last 10 years.

Do that, and then you can tell me about your experience.
Do that, with no pride, and total humility.
Do that, and maybe you will put some golden nuggets into the trust jar.

Make me “nothing” and that is what I will become, to you …
Make me “something” and that is what I will become, to you …

YOUR CHOICE

You can make this into something stupid … or  you can make this important and romantic.

Thank you for telling me to never doubt your love for me, over and over.

---

APRIL 14, 2019
KALI of the eMPRESS

I am not empressed by your severity and might
I am impressed by your empathy, and your courage to show it
I am not impressed by your divinity, though I do love so much
I am impressed by your humanity, and your soul, and that you have grown a lot


EMPATHY
Your ability to feel, and feel for others, and have the courage to feel their pain, is not a sign of weakness
It is a strength
It takes courage
To feel that pain, and believe that you will still come through it on the other end

Maybe I was missing this chapter in my Dragon King mate article
That Empathy and Compassion, are true signs of love
They are higher on the tree of life
They are signs of intelligence and the evolution of humanity
They are signs of growth and maturity
And understanding …

Like saying, I know where you are, and I know how to get you out …
And I know how are you feeling, because I have felt it too …

That is love

When you lose your ability to feel
And to empathize
That is where the humanity ends, and the violence begins


TRUST
DON’T THROW OUT ALL OF YOUR MONEY FROM THE TRUST JAR

I really love Brene Brown’s teaching on Trust

When you have no trust left with someone, or with a group of people, then there is nothing left

Friendships and relationships are built on trust
And everyday, there is this trust jar
And you have the choice to put golden trust nuggets into the trust jar
Or to take them out of the trust jar

Most people don’t understand this teaching, and it is usually a subconscious agreement they make with themselves

are you going to put money in, or take it out ?
that is THE question


WAYS TO PUT MONEY INTO THE TRUST JAR
Showing up when you say you will
Be kind
Acts of virtue
Things you say
Things you do
Being honest
Being stable and consistent
Standing up for values
Seeking to Understand rather than judge
Small acts of love


You have this trust jar with yourself too

When you have boundaries that are wise, and values that you believe in …
And you drop those boundaries for a “lesser” gain, you lose that trust with yourself

Just like Money
Golden Trust Nuggets take work and effort
And usually come with passing great tests in life, and making sacrifices
Making hard decisions in small moments

As a fun side note, it is really hard to trust a human, who doesn't feel
Because their lack of empathy and ability to connect to you, undermines EVERYTHING ...

---

APRIL 14, 2019
KALI of the eMPRESS

TODAY'S WORK

WORKS IN PROGRESS - DAY 1
more DAY 1
rough sketch comps ...
keep going ... and going ... and going ...

---

---

LIFE LESSON

During the two weeks in London, Simon wanted me "to make myself look irresistible to him"
and I would rather die on a beach ...

(like getting off of the plane, to meet him, after a two month hunger strike, and a nervous breakdown that I had, because I was scared of moving to London, he thought I was going to get off that plane looking like a "hot-babe" movie star, and instead, I had no makeup on, and my hair was curly, and I was dressed in warm clothes so my bony body didn't get cold)

he then had the audacity to tell me that if my sister was in the same scenario, she would have made herself look HOT for him
I  KNOW NEGGING WHEN I HEAR IT
I am a Kabbalah teacher, that shit only works on children with low self-esteem

He kept trying to shove this teaching down my throat, but never quite understood it
"YOU GET WHAT YOU GIVE"

I would rather die, starving on a beach, poor and homeless ... than make myself look irresistible to him ...
THAT IS WHAT HE GAVE

HE DID THAT
LOL

Now, we all know that Simon cannot see past his own hypocrisy, but maybe some other dragon king will ...
His Eton, Oxford, and Cambridge education didn't teach him anything ...

Did anyone see stardust?
(Victoria? Maybe?)

So let's see ...

---

THE HAT

here it is, I think I will wear this hat on the beach like all summer ...

CIA man says I look weird
we have determined why
because you normally see this hat
with someone else ... underneath it ...
(not a homeless saint, trying to save some whales)

that is as political as I will get ...

on another note, CIA man does NOT want to hang out with me "in this hat" ...
he will hang out with me in my Harry Potter scarf and Schindler's List red jacket, with my wool hat and HP round sunglasses ...
but not this hat

why not CIA man? do you think it will inspire some hate crimes?
do you?

---

APRIL 13, 2019
KALI of the hIGH PRIESTESS

TODAY'S WORK

WORKS IN PROGRESS - DAY 1
more DAY 1
rough sketch comps
what is cool to me is seeing the derivative photos I take the initial work from, and even on day 1, I begin to completely transform them

---

APRIL 13, 2019
KALI of the hIGH PRIESTESS

THROUGH THE ABYSS

Walking across the abyss seems to be an unclear event in the minds and hearts of individuals

They seem to think it is easy
Or rational
Or like it is “nothing”

Yet, they think these things because they HAVEN’T REALLY DONE IT
Because if they had, the world wouldn’t look like it does today

Crossing the abyss is about stepping into the TOTAL UNKNOWN
And to do that, you must face all of your fears, and delusions, and “known” “expected” thoughts about life

You have to surrender, in total humility, to the “powers at be”
You have to take a blind leap of faith

To say “I don’t know, yet I will proceed anyway …”

You must go forward, even if it is scary …
You must go forward, even if it is dangerous …
You must go forward, even if it is “impossible” …

Not because you think so “high and mighty of yourself”
But because if you don’t, you will continue to only face the “known”

Because if you don’t, you will never grow
Because if you don’t, you will inevitably FAIL
Because if you don’t, you are sure to continue down the same path, you have always walked down before …

…

THE ORCAS
And KARMIC TORTURE …

Most people think that the orcas are fine, because SeaWorld has decided to self-manage and “end” its breeding program …
So the orcas in captivity, they are the last ...
So everything is just “fine”

EVERYTHING IS NOT FINE
And not for those orcas

Letting them die in a cage, that is grace …
That would be a grace from god …

But they don’t “die in a cage”
They are imprisoned and are left to be tortured and suffer in a cage


Where is the mentality of the people “to not leave a man behind” ?

How can you leave those whales to suffer?

You don’t think they are tortured?

Here are some facts for you, I will create art pieces around them all ... and verify these facts as ACTUAL facts ... (or not)
I don't need some nitwit to mansplain to me "what a fact is ..."

1. Orcas get sunburnt because they can’t dive deep enough to escape the burning sun’s rays (SeaWorld puts black zinc oxide on their skin to hide the burns …)

PETA has some great literature on this on their SeaWorld of Hurt website, but there are other articles under this google search:
https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=sunburn+orca

2. Those collapsed dorsal fins has a side effect too, it isn’t just cosmetic …
That dorsal fin, is one of their “self-cooling” mechanisms
So when they can’t hide from the sun, and they can’t self-cool correctly
What do you think is going to happen?
It is a recursive stress circle

3. SeaWorld starves the whales to force them to perform well.
They withhold food from them, and only feed them when they perform to standard.

4. They are drugged with antipsychotics, benzodiazepines, contraceptives, and I believe antibiotics and antacids
When I went to seaworld, with my kaliseeing eye, I could see that the dolphins were drugged ... ask my mother, she knows I can do this ... so I wondered ... is this true, does SeaWorld really drug the animals?  YES the answer is yes.

5. The females are sometimes forced to endure endless rape and suffering from the males, and don’t have the space to get away from “aggressive unsocialized males”

6.  The chlorine levels in the water are way too strong, and have been known to have detrimental damaging effects to the orcas, like skin peeling off of their backs, and mucus now being secreted from the eyes.

It burns the eyes of the orcas, as well as the trainers …

“we had eye burns so severe we often couldn't even open our eyes. I was treated at least half a dozen times where I was I was sent off site for treatment, and could barely open my eyes because of the pain and wasn't allowed to do waterwork again for 2-3 days until they healed [enough] to swim again." - John Hargrove
https://www.thedodo.com/seaworlds-chlorine-sting-affec-467929274.html

7. All of this being physical torture, not to mention, they obviously have no room to swim.

What would happen if someone locked you in a box, for the next 40 years … and nobody cared about it, not enough to do something.

You couldn't even go for a walk, you just ended up staring at a wall for hours at a time.
That is like isolation, solitary confinement, a form of PUNISHMENT in prisons.

8. Sometimes the orcas are forced to sit in the med pools, and have literally NO ROOM to move.  And they might sit there for a great length of time.  I saw this with my own eyes, as one of the whales was sitting in a tiny pool, with no-one tending to it, it was there for around 45 mins.


NOW
You can read websites like this
http://awesomeocean.com/top-stories/blackfish-fans-debunked/

That claim they don’t use chlorine in their pools.
(then why does a former lead orca trainer from seaworld John Hargrove, say they do? Is he just lying?)

That claim the flopped dorsal fins don’t mean that the orcas are sick.
(then why is there a huge ratio gap between the males in the wild with flopped dorsal fins, and the males in captivity?)

That claim SeaWorld doesn’t keep orcas in med pools so the whales can’t move.
(then why did I see this happen with my own eyes?)

That claim that the animals don’t look sad and depressed.
(WATCH MY VIDEO BELOW AND YOU DECIDE).

That claim that SeaWorld doesn’t only care about profit.
(well I went on a hunger strike for these whales, and SeaWorld didn’t even care about me … so, you know, logical deduction can begin to commence …)




Or you can help put these orcas into the Sanctuaries that people like Dr. Ingrid Visser and others are working so hard and diligently to create.

Here is the link to OrcaLab and the Sanctuary built for Corky up at Hanson Island.

And this link: "Watch What Happens When You Free A Killer Whale"

And this link: the PetaKids video featuring Paul Sprong on freeing Corky


40 YEARS OF ORCA TORTURE
Or ...
NOT 40 YEARS OF ORCA TORTURE

YOU DECIDE
You create your reality

…

You don’t think that this matters?
Your apathy will create 40+ more years of this shit …

---

APRIL 12, 2019
KALI of the mAGICIAN

TODAY'S WORK

WORKS IN PROGRESS - DAY 1
I am getting fast and better everyday ...

oh yeah ... I did A LOT more than that  ...

I got all of these started too.

---

HERE IS ONE THAT IS ALMOST DONE
it is on DAY 9

"ORCA SIMON" by Kali Ren

I spent a lot of time in February and March doing this one ... I learned all my lessons.

---

APRIL 12, 2019
KALI of the mAGICIAN - PART 2

WE EITHER ARE A TEAM
Or ... WE ARE NOTHING

My Problem
I am waiting for anyone to say “MY PROBLEM”
And then take action

I am waiting for a Dragon King
I am waiting for a lot of them …

I am waiting … for forever …


Your character is not determined by everything going your way …
You cannot be defined by your successes

Your successes are nothing
They are futile

Your character is determined by how you deal with conflict and failure instead
And creating a team success

Because when you look around you, and you see the work reflected back at you
And you don’t like what you see
That is YOUR FAULT

And if you Rationalize
And point the finger
At everyone else, but not back at you
That is YOUR FAULT

YOU CREATE YOUR REALITY
Or YOU DON’T

But don’t come crying to me …

---

APRIL 12, 2019
KALI of the mAGICIAN

THE SPACE BETWEEN
Your character is not determined by everything going your way …
You cannot be defined by your successes

Your successes are nothing
They are futile

Your character is determined by how you deal with conflict and failure instead

This is the blatant fallacy of the celebrated "manifested" new age movement
Going for easy wins and low hanging fruit
Rarely do I come across people trying to do the impossible
Facing failure everyday
Facing rejection constantly from EVERY direction

I did see it in Hollywood though
Kind of heroic in a way
Kids moving across the country, to become a star
To “make it”
I guess Silicon Valley has the same mentality to it
It is quite beautiful, even though it has a shadow too

This girl in Germany
She is an inspiration for me
I look at what I am doing
And see failure compared to her
But the reality is, she has been doing this for months
She has time and patience on her side
She didn’t put all her eggs in one basket, hoping they hatch RIGHT NOW
And I am learning from her …

I read an article about the YALE happiness class
It said “focus on your strengths”
That is what I plan to do

I am a decent writer, and a beautiful artist painter
And I love these whales, like I love my nieces …
so I have a new direction

…

My mother always told me that you cannot be judged by how you treat people who are “above” you in life
But by how you treat the people who are “below” you instead

I find this to be true in every way

It is how I measure generosity, and wealth
It is how I measure kindness
And Love

…

I talked with simon, well Skype chatted with him
I told him almost everything that I also wrote in yesterday’s post
But at least we came to a temperate place, a quiet understanding between each other
And I will hold love for him regardless

maybe we can grow into friends in the future, but for now, the beach is calling, and I have celebrities to rally, and work to do …

And really, if he wants to come here and get to know me out here … on my home field, he can …



THE RIGHT ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP
Through all of this you might think I am sour or bitter or broken
I am hurting, this is true
But I feel stronger and more whole than ever
Because in the face of being in an actual relationship
Instead of struggling to keep it, or become dependent on it
I found something else instead
And that is THE TRUTH
I would rather be alone, than in the wrong relationship
And it isn’t coming from a place of fear or self-protection anymore

I found a sense of peace and gravity, in realizing that if you aren’t YOURSELF, then essentially there is no relationship
It is just a falsehood …

And if you are with someone you can’t be yourself with, then there is no relationship
It is just the wrong relationship …

It took me 35 years to learn that lesson … and I am grateful for it in every way
I feel more grounded than I have ever been, in my life

---

APRIL 11, 2019
KALI of the fOOL

LONDON BRIDGES FALLING DOWN
“BACK FROM LONDON SO SOON?”

Simon and I agreed I would say "because of home renovations" but I decided I am tired of not being honest …

So here it is:

I am putting my hunger strike page back up.
I took it down to protect him, and because I loved him.

But really, I just spent two weeks in London being “fat shamed” by him … so really, I don’t care.

Obviously, metaphorically, not literally, being fat shamed.
My keyboard keeps trying to type “fat samed” LOL.

But really, even if I am only still doing a “half-strike” now, I want to be myself, I want to write, and literally NO RELATIONSHIP is worth me giving up my personal identity, and values.

I would rather not ever talk to Simon again, than stop being honest about my experience.

TWO WEEKS OF FAT SHAMING
I was called “pathetic”
“Weak”
“ONLY a taker”
“Deserved to be on welfare”
“Low class”
“Low spiritually”
“Deserved to be homeless”
“Not an Artist”
“You think you are an artist, is that how you see yourself? … I know artists …”
“Didn’t TRY” (with my appearance) - because I don’t like to wear makeup and don’t have money to dress fancy
And then he started to attack my students … “I saw them, they aren’t great people”

He told me that if he knew I valued “vulnerability” and that if he knew I didn’t “try” that he would NEVER have told me he loved me.

He shamed me because I love animations and wanted to see How To Train Your Dragon 3.
He shamed me because I want to play gin rummy, or chess, to create a bonding experiences between us ...
“BECAUSE IT IS FOR CHILDREN”

He then took me to the horror movie “US” because it was a “grown up movie”
And when I walked out because I couldn’t watch it, and wanted to throw up instead …
He didn’t follow me out of the movie
Not only did I wait in the lobby for him for over an hour
But when he came out, he patronized me for being super sensitive
And that none of it is real
And that I was basically stupid and wouldn’t appreciate it for its “artistic value”

I have almost no money
No job
ONE CLIENT with two small projects
Maybe another design client coming in
No home
No phone
No car
No drivers license
I can’t even get an instagram account … without a phone number

And I just threw away 10 years of sentimental stuff of mine, so that I could move out to London to be with “the love of my life”

But I kept my grandmother's pearls, and a few crystals and beads that remind me of the adventures I have been on, and three journals.

Everything I own, can fit in a suitcase and two backpacks.

But I have my talents, and some friends, and a computer that I have to trade in and get fixed because of the fucking keyboard,  and a new Wacom tablet that I love, and learning to work.  I have some students, and I have my knowledge, and I have my guides.

Two weeks of fat shaming … cruel and unusual

A man, who basically said I deserved to be bullied in high school … and was super smug and proud that he was popular and would have been his school’s “prom king”.

And every inch of me, wanted to throw up.

Two weeks of fat shaming …
and it wasn’t until the night before I was going to leave, that he finally realized that
“I WAS JUST A REALLY SENSITIVE PSYCHIC SPIRITUAL MEDIUM”
and he finally decided I was worth giving compassion to …

Two weeks of fat shaming ...
and he realized that I had given “EVERYTHING I AM TO GOD AND SPIRIT” to use as they wish
every inch of me,
and that I am always giving …
I am giving every inch of myself, all the time,

And he finally started being nice to me.

He finally stopped attacking me.

And I BALLED …
I cried my eyes out
because after two weeks of fat shaming me, he kind of actually saw me ...

And even if he stopped attacking me, and everything just “made sense” to him after that …
he spent two weeks being cruel, and condemning to me,
because he didn’t understand me,
he didn’t listen to me,
he didn’t give me the benefit of the doubt.

He judged and punished, even if it was just mental and emotional.


Two weeks of fat shaming, that could have been prevented, by me breaking up with him on Valentine's Day …
which I didn’t do, because I didn’t listen to myself, and I wanted to just "have a relationship” instead.

Because he said he loved me …
And because I believed him …


There was one night in London, I told Simon “be careful what you say to me, because you can’t take that back”

YOU CANNOT TAKE BACK WHAT YOU SAY

So when I attack celebrities and Elijah Wood, I know that … let's be clear …
I understand that lesson
I am not perfect, but I understand that lesson

But it is about being Mindful, and having a clear picture, and being like a swift sword, with deliberate intention.

(And I am sorry to the celebrities and Elijah Wood for my blatant attacks, but they will cease when you all come to have conversations with me in person, and help me free these whales …)


So no matter, even if Simon thinks that I am going to move back out to London, in 4 months when his flat is renovated, and I spent 3 months being homeless on the beach waiting for my future rich husband to let me into his life … so he can continue to abuse me and shame me …

enough said ...
enough stupid irony ...

DRAGON KING FOUND
That was on my website

There is a silver lining here
Thank god, because I do not like being a Liar

The hat …
The hat that I spent my last $4o dollars on … getting made for Simon, so I could give it to him on his birthday …

“MAKE DRAGON KINGS GREAT AGAIN”

That hat, never got to me in time to bring to London
No …
It went to CIA man’s house instead

For a reason
Because CIA man is everything I have in that Dragon King Article
Everything

Including the Hero’s Clause RULE 23
And where I may not be in a romantic relationship with him, I do love him dearly and truly
And I want him in my life for good

The ironic thing is, CIA man, doesn’t like that hat

...

But as for Dragon Kings …
I spent weeks listening to Simon talk about how romantic it was, that I created the Dragon King article (grid), and then he showed up …

The problem is, is that he didn’t really read it
(Even if he says that he did)

Because when I was cuddled up with him, watching “the Princess Bride”
He made fun of me … unknowingly
That I needed a “Westley” that I could just boss around and he would respond “as you wish”
Simon made fun of it
Not seeing the love
Not seeing the romance
Not seeing me
Not seeing THE FUCKING RULE 23 of my dragon king article, WHICH I HAVE REPEATEDLY TOLD HIM THAT HE NEVER QUITE UNDERSTOOD … repeatedly

… which brings us back to RULE 1
LISTENING

LO FUCKING L


Simon, you can go try to date my sister now …
Yeah, that happened too ….

THAT IS NOT LOYALTY !!!!
But thanks for the free trip to London …

NOT A KING
NOT EVEN CLOSE



FALLING DOWN … FALLING DOWN …

I did go see the bridge, it is quite beautiful, but my favorite part, were the gardens …
London has the most beautiful gardens, and flowers, and trees

Once a dragon fae, always a dragon fae …

---

(every inch of me knows that when I hit publish, my relationship with Simon will become non-existent ...
but if I don't, then I WILL become non-existent
and if he actually wants a relationship, that will work, with me ... then he won't care ... he will just re-read the DRAGON KING ARTICLE and change ...)

this is home to me
how happy I look after leaving london
yes, Everyone, that is a REAL smile, not a fake one for a camera, not a pose ...
yes, Simon, that is me, eating MEAT ...

"you get what you give ..."

at the end of the day ... if I am not myself, then I am nothing ...

don't worry ... I won't take from you ever again ...

---

RAW UN-RETOUCHED PREVIEW OF PHOTOSHOOT

photos by Freeman McFadden

---

SOME SUN & SOME SALT WATER will heal everything ...

My 59 day Hunger Strike that turned into a spiritual fast, where I got my “perfect body”, generated new brain neurons, gained a new man into my love life, and a new brother, ranked my website on GOOGLE, and got to attack Elijah Jordan Wood and Steven Speilberg whole heartedly for not doing ANYTHING to free the orcas …

So I went on a two month journey, following a 3 month online rant, where I released all the pent up trauma and shame of my life.

On Jan 17 2019, I went onto Carlsbad State beach to “die” and what I found was love instead.

Death is natural, a totally beautiful but sad part of life.

But death doesn’t have to be physical or permanent.

It can really just be the death of a self, or an identity.

And I gave my life, to help raise awareness and free those whales.

Because even if Dr. Naomi Rose doesn’t believe that Corky or Lolita can be freed up into the sanctuaries of the BC coast and Hanson Island, I still do.

Yes Elijah Wood, you are to blame.  

You are responsible, that people like Dr. Naomi Rose believe that the fate of those whales is determined, and concrete.

That we are supposed to submit to failure, and let those whales die in a cage, even though the facilities to rehabilitate them are basically built and ready, from what I have researched.

(and dying in a cage, that is a good outcome ... CONTINUE TO SUFFER in a cage ... that is the realistic outcome)

We are supposed to let them suffer, accept their fate, and only think to younger generations of orcas and cetaceans instead.

I Schindler’s Listed this whole hunger strike, because those whales, Mr. Speilberg, are no different than the holocaust victims.

Innocent, and exploited, and imprisoned by the crimes of humans.

Yes my behavior is unconventional and “crazy” but it is not wrong.

And every day, you continue to turn a blind eye, at this behavior, instead rally the voice of the world, and Hollywood, that is the choice you make.

You have more power than you know, and I hold both of you, and so many more … accountable for that.

…

Many people responded to my hunger strike in fear, or disgust.

Many decided to bury their head in the sand.

Many couldn’t digest even the thought of it.

Many people understood what I was doing.

(A form of spiritual renunciation, a physical crossing of the abyss, to face all my fears, and walk into the unknown, in only the grace of god)

One family gave me a shower and laundry.

Many people tried to give me a meal.

One person gave me a Thai Chi, a ginger tea, a macaroon, a home, a brother, and a lot of fun.

Some people gave me a coffee or two.

Some people gave me a picture.

Some people gave me a lap to cry on.

One man gave me a beautiful photoshoot.

Two people gave me almost nothing but love and attention, and will forever be part of my life.

Many people gave me tweets, and total emotional support and validation for going after celebrities to help.

One woman ran across the beach screaming for an hour, just to find me … (the day I was doing recon at SeaWorld).

One man gave me his expertise in how to work with the media, I had no idea.


I started this journey, knowing I was going to be working with Orca Magick, and stepping completely into the unknown … with only a few hundred dollars available to me, two back packs, my phone, my computer and my charming personality.

I didn’t know who the players were.

I didn’t know about John Hargrove or Jonny Meah, and definitely not Dr. Ingrid Visser nor Paul Sprong and OrcaLab.

I didn’t know about Lori in Carlsbad, who has been on the Corky plight for 25 years.

I didn’t know about “Granny or Miracle or Morgan or Pickle”

I didn’t know about these people.

I didn’t know about these whales.

I didn’t know about Port and Starboard.

I didn’t know Steve-O got arrested, or that P!nk wrote a letter to SeaWorld for Peta.

I only knew about Blackfish, and the website SeaWorld of Hurt that Peta has up.

And I had heard about Capitan Paul Watson, because, you know, who hasn’t.

But none of these things mattered to me.

Because to me, I didn’t need to be validated and welcomed into this society to stand up and raise awareness, however unconventional I was.

I didn’t need to know anything.  

I just needed to stand up for what I believed was right.

And I am still standing.



And speaking of crazy … here are all the side effect benefits that happened for my doing my crazy hunger strike.

Do you know intermittent fasting and relaxation, and coffee, and exercise, all are parts of stimulating neurogenesis…
So you might think, I went onto a beach to die, but god, thinks I went onto that beach to HEAL.

And grow a new brain instead.

Instead of finding myself tired and miserable, I found myself alive, and strong.
Instead of weak, I found that I had energy beyond what I thought possible.
Instead of fixated on food and calories, I found a sense of peace around my body and my life.
Instead of taking life and love for granted, I found a sense of gratitude and gratification for every person who came into my life, and the food that did end up crossing my lips.

Instead of bored, I found myself free.
I found a new composer Ludovico Einaudi … I had never heard of him before.

I learned some new chess.
I played a lot of Gin Rummy.

I WON A LOT OF GIN RUMMY.
CIA man thinks I cheated.

I walked a lot.
Simon thinks I fell in love the soul of that beach.

But the reality is, I was in love with the soul of that beach, before I ever taught Kabbalah there years ago.

My connection with this earth, that earth, taking myself out of a rat race, where people criticized me daily …
Communing with nature, and going on 5-8 mile long walks daily, while creating beautiful art and poetic stories and lessons, healed my soul.

I began to no longer try to fit into a society that constantly wanted to put me down, and instead, I developed my own voice, with my own opinions, and my own perspective, and shared it freely with the world.

Regardless of the outcome.

I decided I would be heard, and that healed every inch of me.

I am now in London, facing the same test, I have failed it already, I lost my voice, I lost my feet …
I lost my way again …

but once you are already on that journey, finding those feet again, after another fall, is not so difficult.


I had no idea that spiritual fasting was so eye-opening.

I had no idea who I was, other than a dragon queen stepping into a fire.

If I learned anything, it is to not believe the limitations of my own mind.
If I learned anything, it is to have faith.
And there are some REALLY good people out there.

I went onto that beach to meet “death”, and the love of Jesus and God met me there instead.

I am not religious in anyway, but Jesus is a master, and you can’t teach the world kabbalah without acknowledging him and the love and compassion of god.

I will teach the world kabbalah, and I will also teach the world about these whales …

---

 HUNGER STRIKE UPDATES - OLD

here will be a breakdown of the hunger strike updates
a DAILY JOURNAL of the days events (including pictures and video)
celeb contacts and involvement
also, my personal teachings about what i want to share for the day
...
the regularly dated titles are my teachings for the day
and my UPDATES are more my factual diaries for the days events

if you want the breakdown of the HUNGER STRIKE DIRECTIVE
please read the Free Willy Page

but most of the writings are in these articles

if you want more updates, you will have to go through my steven spielberg page

---

FEB 17 2019
KALI of the lOVERS

so my heart is now broken
on a whole new level
took down all my dating profiles
i can now create something out of nothing ... i now have nothing left
feeling totally destroyed

the unicorn is now offering to assist me in my epic failure
as i cried in her lap for an hour on the beach 
and just fell apart, into nothing

i will probably take her up on it in the coming weeks
i have a little strength in me left

i think this is why i keep calling her a unicorn

i am really not sure I can continue a hunger strike on a broken heart
i just feel like nothing now

Like I had something good
And it was just taken away

Maybe he really was just not that into me
Maybe he wasn’t a dragon king
And that just proved it

I don’t know

---

FEB 16 2019
KALI of the hIEROPHANT

i made a mistake
i was on top of the world when simon was coming
and he doesn't know that
i was grateful

but all he saw was this website
and not every inch of me and my heart

i was looking for a dragon king
who would show up
and he was proving that he was
he was proving to me that he was that
and he doesn't know that i believed it
that i could finally see him
and i ruined everything

i am sorry simon

i love you
i am looking for you
i am grateful
you have taught me a lot
i wish there was something i could say or do to make this better
i am missing the words

---

FEB 15 2019
KALI of the eMPEROR

​still looking ...
​still waiting ...

so i gauge how men treat me, to how they would treat my future daughter
and if the men don't add up
or just continue to not show up
and continue to just string along
or "not be that into me"
then i think, that is how they will behave with my future child(ren)
i will never ever allow that
EVER

there was a whole section missing with the dragons teachings
and it was for the mothers and fathers of dragons

and it basically boils down to this:
​
how you treat me
is how you believe my future daughter deserves to be treated
and if you think you are "the one" ...
for me ...
and that my future daughter is your future daughter

and you don't show up ...

you are telling me that:
1) you won't show up for "our" future daughter
2) you think that that is how men should treat "our" future daughter

NO FUCKING WAY
​no fucking way ...

our life together, only exists, if you "get it"

and i want my future daughter to have a superhero dragon king as a father
​especially when she is in a fox hole

YOU ARE ONLY AS GOOD AS THE BOUNDARIES YOU ENFORCE
AND THE BAR IS SET


and now simon is coming ...
maybe all i had to do is ask
but first i have to go crazy and set a boundary

---

FEB 14 2019
KALI of the eMPRESS

happy valentines day ...

the closest that i am getting to a castle, today ...

---

DAY 28

---

FEB 13 2019
KALI of the hIGH PRIESTESS

ABOUT TRUTH
and walking the line

"through the eye of the needle"
... 

i need a dragon king now
not a dragon on standby

and i leave you with the song MHYSA
​Ramin Djawadi
Game of Thrones : Season 3

RULE 23 for Dragon King ...

watching princess bride now
you know, for valentines day
and to remind myself
what i want

---

INTO THE OCEAN
an update on miss Kali Ren
...
i now have no phone
none 
no ipod
no candy crush
no note taking app to write my articles
no health app to track my miles
no gps
no google analytics that tracks my "new users" so easily
no access to email except through my broken brand new 3000$ laptop that apple won't pay for
and no whatsapp

but the worst thing, the thing keeping me the most sane for the long drawn out hours of the day
no spotify
maybe i will make friends with the guitar playing homeless man
and get arrested too
​for being poor while spending time on the beach

ready to vomit again ...
thanks mom, for not turning it off, all this time ... now you don't have to think about it anymore
​
UPDATE: my mother brought me a phone, after months of not talking to her
that is useful as an ipod 
but not a phone
at least i have iTunes now, but spotify won't download onto an iPhone 4
​
she left 20 seconds later ...

---

FEB 12 2019
KALI of the mAGICIAN

MAGICK
...

every great magician needs an outlet
a statement
a voice

and now, as i find myself, coming back to my artist roots
i have found mine
and you will see it
and you will hear it

looking forward to it
count down:  4 WEEKS 

now, you will see me

...

the job of an artist, is to make people think
to provoke emotion
to create the controversy
to ask the questions

and this hunger strike is a statement
but really, it is there, to create a million questions
to wake people up
to find their own answers

like what is the value of human life
and health
and food
and why would someone willing sacrifice that to free whales
and why is it so important that it be done now
and why is it being done in the winter
​and on the beach
and why is it homeless?

and why does it involve, OR NOT involve celebrities
or mainstream news 

there are so many questions
there are so many questions

the woman who is on a mission to free Corky from seaworld
the orca captured from the northwestern resident pods
​and has been on this plight for 25 years
wants to feed me juice
and i will allow her

she is showing up
where the celebrities of hollywood haven't

she is showing up ...

---

an ugly truth

i met a man yesterday
i was sleeping on the beach in the morning
to catch up on my rest

and he came to bring me food
i could see he was also homeless
but in his generosity, he wanted to give me what he had
and laid it down
beside my makeshift bed that morning
and as he set it down beside my backpack
i awoke
and told him "no thank you"
i don't need that food
he was startled, but kindly gave me my space, and went back to his blanket on beach

he played guitar
and it was beautiful
i got to listen to it for hours
in the background of my phone conversation with simon
and the final bit of my sleep

after i got off the phone
and packed up, to head toward vinaka
i sat with him, and thanked him
and introduced myself
and complimented his beautiful guitar playing

he told me about his life of being homeless
10 years here in carlsbad
10 years
the man looked normal
my age
pretty clean
kind and honest

no real mental disorder that i could see
and yet, 10 years being homeless

i asked him if he played guitar for a living
and he responded with "well, i am living ..."

he has been through all the shelters and rehabilitation programs designed to integrate you back into society
but they all suck
i know
institutions run by apathetic and less than mediocre individuals

i even met an incredibly wealthy man
a chess player
one of the old alpha's in the vinaka chess community
who was on the carlsbad city advisory boards for these places
and told me what a sham they were

i didn't tell him that i was doing this project
he was just offering his wisdom and insight on the city workings
and LACK of integrity surrounding them
the wealthy retired business man was more interested in my hunger strike
rather than the homelessness surrounding it

anyway, back to the young man at the beach
he gave me his stories
apparently he has been given tickets by police officers
​just for sleeping ...
upwards of HUNDREDS of dollars
for being homeless
and then imprisoned for not having the money to pay

THIS IS GROSS
CARLSBAD
DISGUSTING

total lack of humanity
total lack of integrity
total lack of intelligence
total lack of anything HUMAN

you can't ticket poor homeless people
and then continue to punish them
without god treating you back the same way

there is no god in that action
there is no humanity in that action
there is NOTHING GOOD in that action
there is not even service, in that action
only bullying and abuse
​and NON-INTELLIGENCE

---

FEB 11 2019
KALI of the fOOL

NEW BEGINNINGS
...

so simon said "the one"
this relationship, is becoming a relationship
and becoming more grounded and real everyday
as I am beginning to mature with my position as a spirit teacher

this hunger strike is becoming less a political and spiritual action and more a performance art piece
i had no idea
but like all the great artists, i will evolve and grow with what i have
i find this to be a sign of maturity
rather than a failure

yesterday at seaworld, i learned so much
both CIA man and i agreed, and called the experience, and the worthiness of expedition, a TEN
i also came back to an email from a woman, who spent the day searching the beach for me
a woman who has been on this mission for more than 25 years

simon thinks i come from more privilege than him
because i expect people to behave properly
i expected celebrities to care .. you know ... because they all say they do ...
i expected people to listen ...
​
but the truth is, i didn't, i was only hoping they would
and i was only following spirit, and my tarot deck

most of you think tarot is crazy
but in all honesty, i have found it to be more truthful, than what i hear from the mouths of most individuals
and if i learn to listen to it, and work with the rhythms, my life becomes more crazy, but also more graceful
and i seem to dodge the logical beliefs and imprisonment, others dwell in

i am teaching a 3 year tarot program right now
we are currently on THE FOOL
most people think the fool, to be a fool
a JOKE
a PAWN
but really, it is humility ...
the ability to say, I DON'T KNOW
to empty your cup
and create space
for a new reality
for a new outcome
for a new romance
for a new beginning
for a new adventure

the ability to transcend the known, and walk in total blind faith
into the unknown
with tricks and trades in your pocket
and maybe just a knap sack on your back

starting this hunger strike, was me, being the fool
and i have learned so much a long the way

i like roys comment to me, sometimes a girl, has gotta do, what a girl, has gotta do

you can read about the 
ORCA EXTINCTION EVENT
beginning to happen in the Northwestern Residential Pods
J-Pod, L-Pod, and K-Pod

apparently, they only have 74 orcas left
and this is really sad, really sad
because this, is totally controllable by the behavior, help, and awareness, OF HUMANS
how dare i expect celebrities to care ...
how dare i ...

LOL

but i got to read about a love letter between Thomas Markle and Meghan Markle, you know, from back in the day
again on HuffPost


PART 2
being a master, is finally arriving as .a student

---

FEB 10 2019
KALI of the mALKUTH

went to sea world today
i have so much I want to share
​coming soon ...

​

---

miss kali ren | photo by steve puterski

page 6

simon told me he loved me, about 20 mins before this picture was taken

---

THE WAY WE ARE HANDLING THE ABUNDANCE OF DYING ANIMALS
i am so ashamed for us
​3 dead seals

---

POLLUTION of CARLSBAD

i have now spent over 5 hours picking up litter
i am poor and homeless
doesn't anyone in carlsbad want to pay me?
​

---

FEB 9 2019
KALI of the yESOD

STRENGTH AND FORTITUDE
foundation
...
​
I needed to remember who I am
I am a master
I will make them care
that is my answer

I am this project

I will free these whales
I will get through to Hollywood
And knock down those bowling pins

I am strong
I will fight

I don’t need dragons
I am a dragon

---

DAY 23

---

FEB 8 2019
KALI of the hOD

HERMES
and Tricks of the Trades
CHESS MASTERY
​...

So as I get over the anger
And slowly fade into acceptance of my fate
I am beginning to unground and step into the humor of this all
Maybe playing
Maybe having some fun

Good old Darty
One of my fav people at buzzfeed
Asked me last night
Why I was doing this hunger strike
And I was afraid of answering him
Afraid of what he would think
Until I found my humor super power
And responded ...

"I am doing this to make people feel uncomfortable
So that they change
And grow"

A term i am using, for this process: “shamuing”

I will be like the silent farter in the room
The white elephant
The royal one
Pain in the ass
Until people change
Until people take notice
Until people care

Colin said I needed a manifesto
So there it is

This is the job of every artist
And I am the very best hunger strike artist

This is me, at my worst
Me at my best is a glamorous dragon queen

And this is a public performance
An artistic commentary of the state of the world
And no one gets left behind
Except for the ugly homeless people
Because they aren’t cute enough to care about
I passed one on the street today
And thought
Would I be able to do this?
If I looked like her?
Probably not

Unless it isn’t about looks
And it is about the light you carry inside

And if it is about the light you carry inside
Then I am the very best of dragon queens

See what I just did there?
I polarized you
I tricked you
I manipulated the polarization
To take you out of the grey zone
By offering black and white binary
Like a shamu whale
Like a chess board
And instead of saying that my looks matter, that it isn’t about who I am inside

I made you say, or think
“IT IS ABOUT WHO YOU ARE INSIDE!!!”

like a bitch
Like a dragon queen
Because your mind didn’t want to go with the alternative

I, as a dragon becoming a queen, will polarize you all
Until this planet is okay
And I don’t walk down the streets
Passing homeless girls carrying lavender sleeping bags
On the streets of Carlsbad
Or frankly anywhere

I am so ashamed
And in that shame I will use every inch of my art school training 
and shaman background
and connection with the divine
To create change

I am Kali Ren
And I am a dragon queen



THE WHOLE TRUTH 
and NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH
(just one day later)
...
the loving shadow side to Simon
So I am supposed to be Simon's girlfriend right now
But I am in between the land of the dead and the living
And he talks about Valentine’s Day
Like that can happen

I just sent out my profile piece to 114 news organizations
Including huffpost and buzzfeed
On a third press release titled
Day 22 - Hunger Strike Continues to Free the Orcas from Sea World

I sent it out to the telegraph
And bbc
And the independent and the guardian
Many of these news orgs, reported on the orca Kayla just dying
But it doesn’t look like any interest was thrown my way

Proving my point

I didn’t ask Simon permission to write this
I didn’t even warn him
But he says he supports me

The ugliest thing about this relationship
Besides being a world away
Is that I am wasting away on a beach
And he has A-list celebrity friends
That apparently don’t care

So his friends either aren’t really his friends
Or he is lying to me
Or he doesn’t know what to do
As I continue to waste away
Or his friends just think I am stupid
And that none of this matters ...

He could ask me to give this up
But that would probably end our relationship
You know
Because I am doing this, standing up for what I believe in
And it is really hard to come back from that

I could cave
Or he could ride his friends asses to help me
Or something else ...

Be dragon king
And Say MY PROBLEM !!!
"I will make sure my new girlfriend doesn’t starve on the beach !!!"

Every relationship is built on honesty
So you know ... here I am, being honest


He said he wanted to “make it work”
I wonder how much
Now it is being put to a real test

Something outside of both of our comfort zones

This why I set my bar at dragon king
Because even god would phase out all the people who couldn’t handle it
... organically

This is really fucked up, this truth
But it is a rot
Inside of our happy future
And festers in the back of my mind
As he tells me about all the places we can go together

I hate myself for saying this
I hate myself

This is like a real test

After 35 years of being alone
And finding someone I actually like
I really want to make this work
But I have to be true too

I don’t want to pretend that everything is okay

...
​
Sea world called you know
After the whale died
They called my press rep
And left a message
It was a woman giving us their phone number
Telling us to call them back
And my press rep calls them back

They didn’t answer
He got voicemail
So he left a message
In return

And so I asked Paul, my press rep
To contact them again
And see what they wanted

It was weird though
Because this time, the phone number was discontinued ...
So Paul finds another media contact phone number of sea world
He calls them
They respond, by saying "they never contacted us"
But that they did get our press releases

So they know who I am
They know ...
They know what I am doing
And they don’t care

Why would they?

And where is peta?

HOD is about truth
And I have to be true to me

Maybe Simon will like me for this post
Maybe Simon will go “this is why I like her”
That would be cool
I am used to everyone else just running away

i did talk to him today
i was in tears
now i am in rage
but i am centered


THE UGLY TRUTH
...
how do i get people to care?
really ...
how this works
PEOPLE CARING !!!!!
so how do i get them out of their narcissistic vain apathy
and actually CARE ...

this is the question.

---

the tweener
FEB 7.5 2019
​THE TOWER

What is the difference between an activist and an artist?

me 
I am the difference ...
There are a few of us out there
Perhaps more than a handful

This hunger strike performance is about changing the state of human consciousness

not about getting ONE thing done
not about one single directive
but a journey
a commitment

this is why a kabbalah teacher
has to do this
and not an "activist"

because this
Freeing Willy
Is the beginning ...

and it is a kabbalah teacher
a shaman
that can take you, all the way home
to the finish line

Not an “activist”

CIA man asked me last night
about responsibility
and again, I repeat Starr’s beautiful teaching
like a trained monkey
but also like an educated, well-trained, masterful, monkey

“As a master, you are responsible ...
For everything in your awareness”

So once the whales are free,
I am still responsible for making sure they have a clean ocean to swim in
and food to eat
and sustainable system to thrive in
this is just the beginning you see
because we have work to do
this is about more than freeing willy
it is about FREE WILL

so even if I am only on the path to self mastery
and not yet quite there ...
and have a long way to go
the first pragmatic step
is to SAY :
“I am responsible for everything in my awareness”
and own it

and in humility and fear
I ask god or the universe
"How"
"how do i do it?"
"how do I take responsibility for everything in my awareness?"

and as nature abhors a vacuum
even just asking the question
the universe will provide ...
and set me on a course
to take responsibility,
and to show me the way

"every journey begins with just one step"

which begs the question ...

“How do I get everyone else ... to ALSO take responsibility,
for everything in their awareness?”

and the only practical answer
that god and the universe gives me 
right now ...
is “teach them kabbalah”
the study of the tree of life

I am no old Jewish man
Or some bible thumper ...

I am a hip millennial artist
and a dragon queen
and I plan to change shit up

and even if you read the testimonials on my Kali Ren page

I am no boring, nor podium speaking - Kabbalah Teacher
I am a shaman
​I am an artist

PROFILE PIECE CAME OUT
LINK HERE
​thank you!

---

KALI INSTITUTE design comp, i think some of my best work ... funny, as i am on day 21 of my hunger strike

---

so a lot of people like to give me their opinions on my hunger strike
like it is a bad idea
and very few, are able to give me solutions, instead
CIA MAN AGREED

---

FEB 7 2019
KALI of the nETZACH

DAY BY DAY
...

Simon keeps hitting home runs
Like a master
Because I keep writing about our conversations
and I find them the most valuable lessons

This is how I teach too
Working off the moment
Working with real life
Working with what I have

I sat across the table from an adorable 19 year old star-child

And he knew he was different
But not the way that I knew
I saw his fate
the pain, the anguish
the deep journey of his soul ...
Instead of the vanity trap of his abercrombie good looks

he should be at hogwarts
Instead he is on a tumultuous path
Or certain pain and torture
He is a strong one

but because he has patrick dempsey hair
and a pretty smile
people will only see that
instead of the old soul shaman inside of him
waiting for life to tear him apart
so that he can emerge
and birth, truthfully into this world

I know this path
it is a cursed path
but a blessed one

...

so Simon says ...
how is it, that you, with all your infinite relationship experience
the vast abundance of romance in your life
the cosmic jokes of boyfriends
or lack of
the lonely journey of your soul ...
what, in all of your mighty experience
gives you the authority
to teach people ANYTHING
about relationships

And I go :
"Simon ...
most of what I teach
is to reach for the stars
to teach women to say NO
to anything less than a king ..."

and he says "how?"
"you have no experience"

and I say
"Simon ... on a scale from 1-10 what are you??"

and he goes:
"Nothing. Infinity. I am off the scales"

and I go
"Simon ... how the fuck did I attract that?"

checkmate
silence ...
 simon goes 
"i see what you did there"

and i reply with
"I just needed the experience of saying NO to everything less than that"

You are only as good as the boundaries you enforce.

It is a super power
saying "no!"
It is the whole other side
To the tree of life
And sometimes, the more you say no!
The better everything gets
But that takes strength

strength, like that kid has
like that star-child abercrombie kid has

And I cry for him
Because I know ...
But I will sit with him
In the dark
Holding space
Waiting for the rest of the world
To grow the fuck up
as he continues his soul journey

this is a Day by Day journey
and whoever said it wasn’t a fight ???
because that kid is going to have it hard
even if he makes his way to train with the shaolin monks

The kid is a freshman in college
Going to “business” school
which is his “plan”
You can’t socialize a dragon like that
He is like a James Dean
And thinks going the safe route is the way
because that is what everyone tells him
He knows he is lying to himself ...
But we don’t have a hogwarts to give to him

And instead, he is procrastinating in front of me
While trying to force himself to write
His teacher asked them to answer this question
"What would make you a better writer?"

And like stupid college child, I would have said the same thing that he said
So obvious
So socialized
So safe
So “pragmatic”
“WRITE MORE”
That was his answer

I wanted to vomit
And shook my head
Because I have learned this lesson

No

That is not correct

No

Have something worth writing
Have a voice
Have a story to tell

Live

And have knowledge and wisdom to share
That is what makes you a better writer
Have something to give

And I don’t blame him
I blame the schools
And the celebrities who have "power"
And Buzzfeed's shit and the MIT educated Jonah Peretti

Because this kid doesn’t know that answer
And yet ... these are all the idiots teaching him

And maybe Hollywood and Buzzfeed are now obsolete
Because they have nothing left to give
They have no more stories
Their wisdom is all dried up

Or are they willing the play the fool ...
And empty their cup

and I am getting goosebumps now

They would have to have the humility to tell me that "they didn’t know”

And so I wait ... Day by day
​

BETTER LATE THAN NEVER
so steve, of the coast news, talked to my press rep today
or sent an email
saying the published version of my profile comes out friday
in the physical publication
and the online version
will come out anytime between today and friday
so we will see ...


and GLITTER BUGS
....
this part coming soon
but lets just say 
the plastic pollution has now come to the pristine beach in carlsbad
and i have the pictures
all of them
this is sad
this is a wake up call
this is serious

and it is a really big lesson
that being in a rich white privileged neighborhood
with a fancy beach house
isn't going to save you

i wish this litter came to malibu
to steven spielberg's beach

cause if it did, maybe he would listen to me
and probably care
and say "this shit is getting real, and real scary"

this is a lesson, with the death card in the tarot
that death comes to everyone
the king, the saint, the maiden, and the child
and now the litter trash in the ocean will also come to everyone
maybe people will wake the fuck up

this litter will come to everyone
this pollution to everyone
the king, the saint, the maiden, and the child
it doesn't matter how much money or cosmic wisdom you have
death is coming
litter is coming
pollution is coming
we are all going to fucking drown in it

i also saw 3 dead birds today
winter is coming ... winter is coming ...

tamarack beach, right before the fairy houses ...

plastic glitter everywhere
and i say glitter
because carol picks up the litter
but i, in my infinite wisdom
and free time
have the ability to see, and pick up the glitter
like a master
like a dragon queen
​like a pro

do you see this woman
her name is Carol
she said
Carol Anne
she might be the reason the beach is so clean here in carlsbad
because her and her husband spend 1 hour a day
cleaning it, and have been for the last 4 years
she lives there, has a house on the ocean
i am pretty sure she was the woman who woke me up on the beach, my first day at 6 am

she assured me that rich people would pay poor homeless people to pick up this trash
and that you can't blame the rich people
because they are TOO BUSY
i didn't have the heart to tell her that i was the poor homeless person, living on the beach, cleaning it up for free
so if someone wants to pay me, that would be great!!!
let's put that to the test

my shaman rate is 300$/hr (you know, because i have 25,000 hours of practice)
my photoshop rate is 125$/hr
my graphic design rate is 50$/hr
and my minimum rate for any thing is 13$/hr

will anyone donate at least $45.50 to me, and my cause
because i picked up plastic glitter for 3.5 hrs

ANYONE?
anyone in the city of carlsbad say "thank you for your service ...?" and then pay me?
because this rich woman told me verbatim, there are rich people here that would
and that money, will pay for some coffees and wifi time at Vinaka or Starbucks ...

and i spent 3.5 hrs picking up litter
on the 21st day of my hunger strike
while creating some of the best writing in my head
and having a beautiful conversation on the phone with simon
and thinking of gorgeous graphic design work in my mind ...
you know, so i can free willy

and still, not one celebrity has reached out
or cares
not one ...

---

PLASTIC PEARLS

this is what really scares me
because you saw all those pictures
of the plastic glitter on the shoreline
but you didn't see what i did
you are missing the different light angles, and the closer picture
and that was 1000's of these on that shoreline
plastic pearls
our beautiful carlsbad ocean is now COMPLETELY filled with plastic ...
​completely

---

DEATH
path 24
tiphareth to netzach

comes to everyone
the king lay dead
the priest asks for mercy
the maiden succumbs
but the child
EMBRACES
and offers a gift

winter is coming ...

​i keep trying to teach you all karma ...

it is dead
instead i sit at a coffee shop with one authentic 19 year old girl
​who is drawing on her pad of paper
and a room filled with yuppie middle aged zombies ...
wearing pretty earrings, and talking about botox
​

---

i am just the canary
the red, fucking canary ...

---

FEB 6 2019
KALI of the tIPHARETH

ROSES FOR YOU
...

It was easier to be not attached from the outcome
When a beautiful Englishman goes :
"I want to spend Valentine’s Day with you"

And now I look in the mirror
And I am afraid
And I see myself wasting away
And I am screaming

I am screaming ...

My life means nothing to most people
But now it means something to someone
And instead of getting to spend my first Valentine’s Day with someone
My very first ...
I am sitting on a beach
Or Vinaka
Wasting away
Waiting for someone to care

It’s a cosmic joke right?

My first Valentine’s Day ...
I have lived a lonely life
And now there is someone who wants to do something
And I am not there

And all I want to do is cry
And there is so much happiness in my heart
And so much rage in my mind

I am in the middle of a hunger strike

And it is so messy
Because in the midst of me walking into the dark
Good people have now come out of the shadows

But every celebrity has sunk back in
Like murderous reptile trolls
And I waste away
While they eat butthole cake
Like swine

Next I will reach out
To Bill Murray
Maybe he will help
Apparently "he is good guy"
A Sufi
Artist
Just saw part of a documentary on him

I am going to miss my very first Valentine’s Day
And I am pissed
I didn’t even think about it
Until Simon brought it up

I don’t really think about holidays ever

I asked about Halloween
And if they celebrated it over there
He said yes
And in his cute, reaching way ...
Says:
“You know what else we celebrate?”
And I go “what?”
He goes “Valentine’s Day”

And I ask how ...
In a delightful and inquisitive tone
He goes “if we were in England, we would go to the English countryside, and go ...
And I interrupted him
And said “bed and breakfast!!”
Like a smart ass
He says
“No ... a castle ...”
“We would stay in a castle”

And now I am really pissed
Because I want to stay in a fucking castle

Hidsel, the lovely fairy woman from Central America
she has been letting me take hot showers
and I stay at her home in the rain

She is watching me waste away

And tells me, she sees it now
I am getting thin
I have no more fat left to lose
Just muscle from here

And I look
And I am angry

And my news profile should have come out today
And my life is on the line
And this man flaked for tuesday
He didn’t publish it when he said he would
And I wonder ... my life is on the line
And I am starving
And waiting
And he doesn’t care?
Is my life a joke to people?
Does one more day, not matter?

Keep making me wait

I am really proud of buzzfeed btw
I worked there
And even they don’t care about my life
Not enough to help
Shaking my head
I am so ashamed for them
So ashamed

Mind fucking blown

But I got to read an article about Nicholas Cage's head on David Schwimmer’s body

Someone said Buzzfeed was the most important news organization in 2015
And I worked for them
And even they don’t care about me

I am obviously not invisible
Because Simon can see me

And the cia man too
He said he was going to write a LinkedIn or Instagram post,
because this shit is getting old

You think my emotions, my disappointment,
​my shock, and disbelief, and my grief
Would make me weak ...

But frankly, it just makes me strong
And I am pissed
A whale just fucking died
And I am sending my story to every news media organization who got ENRAGED

Did you know there have been 4 deaths in the last 2 years?

It kind of proves against the “orcas aren’t safe in the wild” argument
Cause really, they aren’t safe in captivity either.

And now one just died of “mysterious causes”

​I am waiting ... i am waiting ...
​

my life is on the line, and this is what they value ... but you know, ned did get to use my massage table for a "snake massage video"

UPDATE
well apparently everyone at buzzfeed that i really knew, is now gone, except for my unicorn
but she is behind the scenes, not in front of them

but i contact colin, he replied in 2 seconds, and will forward my press release to more people he knows tomorrow
i went to high school with colin
​he is a good man

---

FEB 5 2019
KALI of the gEBURAH

home base and dragon queens
on STANDING YOUR GROUND

i will do this entry early
for the day of mars
the news profile is supposed to come out tuesday
​so i will be prepared, instead of playing catch up

i created a facebook post
one of my students once said was beautiful
and poetic
i wonder if she feels the same way now
now that i am putting it into action

but here it is

KALI REN FB POST

RAVEN CROW Magick
... on standing your ground

"death is the emptiest cup you can have"
remember when I said that?
Well, here it matters.

Standing your ground is kind of an all or nothing, kind of thing.
You either do it, or you don't.

It is easier to stand your ground when you aren't afraid to die.
Total detachment of the outcome.
It is easier to not be afraid to die, when you have lived a life like mine.
And you would rather die truthfully, than live a lie.
You would rather fight for what you believe in, than roll over.
And you don't have to fight in a violent way, but you sure can hold your ground, and not give in.
YOU ARE ONLY AS GOOD AS THE BOUNDARIES YOU ENFORCE
If you have to starve to death, to shame everyone into fucking listening to you, then you will.
That isn't suicide. That is homicide.

---

---

FEB 4 2019
KALI of the cHESED

#OMG
#FAIL

yesterday i was lectured by a man
and in the same sentence he told me
how profoundly powerful and enlightened he was
way more than me
but that he was unwilling to free the orcas
to end my hunger strike
and then proceeded to call me crazy
​and then asked me out on a date ... when all of this was over
in all of his intelligence, wisdom, compassion, and selflessness
in all of his mastery and connection with nature and planet earth

in all of his said "divine intelligence"
mastery of the mental and cosmic universe
and connection to the all powerful
he is unable to free 20 whales?
into the ocean?

he is smart enough to, and powerful enough to
... but unable to?

this is the delusion of most spiritual people
they would rather spend more time arguing with me
and putting themselves on a pedestal
than write a letter to sea world
or write and tweet a celebrity

this conversation is on my non-king proof page

he also proceeded to tell me, how enlightened and powerful he was
but that the whales were ALL MY PROBLEM
not his at all

no ownership
no responsibility on his part
but he is enlightened 
all powerful
and a TRUE MASTER

and i want to vomit ...

sounds like the whole premise of Happy Feet 2
i wish i understood why elijah cannot learn any lesson
of ANY role he seems to play
yet he has power and money

i think sometimes god puts us in positions to wake us up
and it seems more like a trap, than "good karma"
because as his and hollywood's negligence and blind eye
continues to perpetuate
... in my "not so humble opinion" and from my point of view ...
they look more and more like murderers
that don't care about anything
except being famous
and making money
but you know what, i am keeping an open mind

but really, i am not sure if they even care anymore about making art

simon asked me about taking me to a movie
when i get to london
and for the life of me, i couldn't think of one more movie, that i actually want to go see

the well, is now full
it is saturated
complete

just like buzzfeed actually
but that happened back in 2015

i was there, i saw the future of buzzfeed
no-one was listening to me
i saw demons crawling on the walls
and how they treated their employees
and knew i was done with their company, that autumn
they offered me a full time position
i think more than once
you know, in an informal way
i politely declined
i tend to do that
as i am a "commitment" phobe
but i am really not ...

i am a "commit to a sinking ship phobe"

and after NBC invested, i think around 200 mill, in buzzfeed
game over
they lost their soul
they lost their direction

my girlfriend still works there
she is a powerful unicorn
the one i talk about constantly
she is protected in a way, that i cannot describe
i guess that is why she is a unicorn

i find my entry today, rather synchronistic
because i was going over a lot in my mind last night
and walk into Vinaka
and the news article about the buzzfeed failures was sitting on my table
right in front of my face

the main point being this
WHEN YOU CONTINUE TO CREATE SHIT
it is unsustainable
so all your lists, and quizzes, and shit superficial videos
and bad movies, that are only masturbatory, or about making a buck
that have junk content ...
it might be bright and sparkly
at first, for now ...
but then it creates a sickness
and dies

what you choose to create, is a reflection of what you value

let me repeat that

what you choose to create, is a reflection of WHAT YOU VALUE
and what you value
will determine EVERYTHING
in your life

and it may be profitable, at first, as a trend
but people can only live on cupcakes for so long
before they get diabetes
and then want to look at cupcakes 
and vomit ...

this is the greatest lesson for hollywood, that i can teach them

what you choose to create, is a reflection of your own internal value system
and your value system, is a reflection of your spiritual health

there is no way around this
this is a UNIVERSAL LAW

so as i tell simon, that i will go watch AVATAR with him
or maybe the incredibles
hollywood is starting to seem like mcdonalds to me
and seems to be
in my "not so humble opinion"
to be rendering itself
obsolete

just like buzzfeed
maybe steven spielberg can save it
​

now, i probably just wrote the most hostile opinion piece of my life
and i ask myself
before i publish this
is it true?
YES
do i really feel this way?
I AM WATERING IT DOWN
and would i die, to tell them this?
PROBABLY

just because i am negative
does not make me wrong
that is a logical fallacy
called "TONE POLICING"

​this is what self-respect looks like
and yes, i am still dependent on the grace of hollywood celebrities, feeding me juice, as i write this
and that is what self-esteem looks like

this is probably going to scare this shit out of simon ...
(UPDATE doesn't scare him at all, he says "unleash the dragons ...")
​so hot ...

like, polite way of saying: "what they create ... is JUNK"

---

QUOTE FROM CIA MAN
"your life begins, at the end of your comfort zone"

---

the biggest failure, is: 
all the hypocrites who continue to try to sell me their viewpoint
that solves nothing
instead of just listen to mine
that solves everything

---

FEB 3 2019
KALI of the bINAH

so things keep moving forward with simon
as we continue to develop our relationship
it is interesting ... scary actually
because my experience with physical relationships has been ALDON
and BEAU a little bit
aldon will laugh at that, because, you know, he knows ...

are simon and i are now talking about my next long term destination?
to be continued ...

anyway so as we continue to progress, simon goes, "give me a picture!"
and i am thinking "no way"
and so i say it
i am not really the send the nudie picture type
and i am thinking, "maybe i will strip a little for you on skype, but that is about it"
and he says "i will send you one of me"

now, keep in mind, he is a proper english gentleman
and i am just a crass crazy american witch
so my mind measures things from a different context

so i say "please don't send me a nudie picture" politely
and he responds with "ew"
"what are you thinking"??? ...
"i mean of my face"
and he sends me a picture of his face

and i go, thank god
"i have got enough nudie pictures of men"
"i am not really turned on by things like that"
"i like to play a different game"

and his proper english gentleman training allows him to think WTF?
"who would ever send you a nudie picture?"
i love posh british guys
they are classy

simon also said "i look great today"
but not because i am skinny
but because of the energy coming off of me
the light waves
are coming through

which is a nice contrast to how some other people are looking at me
i don't know
i sit at vinaka, and pine over the smell of sandwiches
and warm food
and i am now high school adderall skinny
but without the adderall
and i am 35 and would like to be fertile after this event

i think i am going to do some graphic design work today
for KALI
on my broken laptop
and new wacom 

yesterday CIA man said i was an influencer
that is so much something a CIA man would say
right before they recruit me
i wish i was more an influencer
​
new bar
the bar is high enough
but seriously
​new bar

...
​
DIFFERENT COFFEE AND NO MORE TEA
but lots of GOD

so tea makes me sick now
as i vomit it back up
but the lattes and cappuccinos are settling
and give me a few calories a day
that i will burn walking my 12 miles
i actually clocked 11.8 miles on wednesday
and then 10 miles on thursday
i could give you the full breakdown

now understand
i am getting sick of these coffees though
i long for variety
i could barely drink my mexicana yesterday
i was nursing it all day long
like how i would nurse a glass of wine at a party
people who know me, would think that was hilarious

so today i ordered something new
it is called a WHITE OUT
at the Vinaka
i am pretty sure it is a white chocolate mocha
and the first 8 ozs of the drink were great
but i am not sure how well i am doing with the last 8 ozs
i think i am going to need to keep switching my drink every day
maybe i will need to find a new coffee house too, but i like vinaka and starbucks for working on my computer

so ... talking about my computer

LET'S TALK ABOUT APPLE

because my mind is blown as much about Apple
as it is about Elijah Wood

because i just bought this fully upgraded, fully loaded $3000 laptop
and i can't even type on it
because the keys don't work
and not only do the keys not work
THEY STICK!!!!
they stick, so that the keys won't type anything

and not only will apple not fix it
they make me pay for it
when i take it in to get a key replaced ...

now, one, i am a poor homeless saint
now completely dependent on this website, and my graphic design skills
and i am working on a computer
that is 3000$ and doesn't even work
and they wont fix it
here is the best part
I HAVE the $400 apple care !!!!!
apparently it doesn't cover it

so MIND FUCKING BLOWN
mind fucking blown
i want a lawyer to sue them
i want someone to stand up to them
because I JUST GOT TOTALLY FUCKING SCREWED
and nobody cares
and i am pretty sure, the children building this laptop got paid $5 and lost a finger soldering it

I AM SO DISGUSTED
mind fucking blown

so i go into the apple store last winter
with a broken key
because the key stuck
and the old laptops used to have this thing
were you could pop off the key
and clean it
and then pop the key back on

and everything was okay
so i thought
KEY IS STUCK? just pop it off
clean it .... put it back on

NOPE
not allowed anymore
so i have a broken key
and i am thinking WTF
now i have to wait 3 days for an apple store appointment
with a keyboard that isn't working
so instead i take it to melrose mac
but here is the deal

APPLE MAKES ME PAY FOR IT

so i think, this has to be a scam ...
i just bought a brand new laptop
and in 3 months, and the keys don't work
and they say this is my fault

because i should take it in, when the key sticks
and i think "are you fucking kidding me? the key sticks... and i am supposed to give you my computer for a week to fix it?"

THIS IS A BRAND NEW $3000 top of the line macbook pro !!!!!!!
so they hand me a bill for $120
and i get it ...
they fix the one key
and i pay the bill

but now, months later
EVERY FUCKING KEY STICKS
EVERY DAY!!!!

let me repeat that
to get the point across

EVERY KEY STICKS
EVERY DAY !!!!

and i want to cry
am i supposed to go into the apple store
because EVERY KEY IS STICKING?
every day?
is this really allowed
am i really doing this?

am i really starving for some fucking whales
waiting for just 1 fucking celebrity to take notice
and fucking care
typing on a computer that doesn't even work
that I HAVE TO BUY ANOTHER KEYBOARD
to even type on it

i am so disgusted i want to puke
i want to vomit
i now want to vomit on top of elijah wood
all over his face
and in every apple store
i want to vomit all over their products
and all over their designer floor

i want to vomit on ALL OF THEM
and i am sick to my stomach drinking a god given white out drink

FUCK APPLE
seriously ... fuck apple

if i live through this, i will make it my job to crucify them for this behavior
i will have a personal vendetta against them and their TOTALLY CRIMINAL BUSINESS
this is criminal
this is fucking criminal

i have a brand new $3000 laptop
that i can't even type on
and they don't care
​and i have "apple care"
​
LO fucking L

and they want to make me pay MORE money for it
... fucking criminal

​MIND FUCKING BLOWN

---

---

day 17 hunger strike, no makeup style, picture i sent to simon, now i have to send him another one :)

---

FEB 2 2019
KALI of the cHOKMAH

day 17
hungry
thirsty
sick of all coffee and sweet

want warm tomato juice
want spicy warm avo juice
want something
this is horrible
definitely in pain, keeping my temperament
TO BE HONEST I WANT A SANDWICH
a hot one, and a pizza
​a whole one ...
but i will settle for tomato juice

so on another note
people say i look great !!!
this is the delusion of hollywood
hollywood's fault
i haven't eaten in 17 days
i am probably at like 113 lbs
and people look at me, and go, YOU LOOK AMAZING!
like i am supposed to be this skinny
because this is how skinny all the actresses are
and you know, models are thinner, so i still have weight to lose ...
​you know ...

i am homeless, and starving
but i am cute, and clean, and have a smile on my pretty face
so nobody cares ...
well not nobody
simon wants to feed me, a lot ...

some other wise people do too
i say, get out your twitter!!!

this hunger strike is becoming something else
i never knew, i never fucking knew
but everything is okay, because i look great

doesn't matter if my body is screaming yet

i missed my phone call today with paul, my press rep
i am sorry paul!
i am no good with mornings
and i am no flake
so i feel like that was the worst thing ever

i met a nice man last night at vinaka
actually two
they entertained me, while i was hiding from the rain
and it was lovely
taught me chess
the last time i played chess was with ALDON
yes, the diabolical nihilistic genius Aldon, is who taught me to play chess
i like the pun
i learned how to beat Aldon in less than a month
let us see how this plays out in the real world

anyway, so these men played chess with me last night
i hung out with one of them at night
his name is "undetermined" (as in he doesn't want to be disclosed)
but we have determined that he is "officially" in the CIA
as his appearance in my life
is at such a desperate time in need
and was highly coincidental
and he is maybe an implant, a mole

i had a safe place to stay last night
in the rain, thank the heavens

CIA man just asked me
"do you know you are charismatic?"
and i go ???

he says "on a scale of one to ten, how charismatic do you think you are?"
i go 7
he pouts his face ... and goes 9 !!!
and i go 9??? who is a 10?

he says STEVE JOBS
asshole ...
but not this steve jobs, attached to the iphone
the steve jobs from 1984
that made that amazing apple mac commercial
that redefined advertising
the one with the woman running with the hammer
that breaks through the matrix
and breaks open the giant big brother computer

i have a new bar
i must reach that
(how to not play a game of vanity, and lose myself, as i try to free whales, and get back to london so simon can feed me...)

---

FEB 1 2019
day of Kether

so here is a real update
sea world contacted my press rep

i have a media rep coming to do a profile piece on me today

i had to drink cup of noodle broth
because I got sick to my stomach
and no celebs have showed up
or invested any interest in this at all

and I now will be out of my temporary makeshift shelter
as the rains come,
and I will be sleeping in the rain for the next 4 days

i am so glad people care ...
i am so glad celebs exist
they really have made my life better
by their very existence
thank you so much

i now want to cry
​i now want to scream

but on another note, I am so grateful
that I got to read about megan markle’s new hair do
in the huffington post

​i am really impressed with the level of their journalism these days.
makes life high quality

​this is starting to feel like the hunger games

...
not pulling the Jesus card
just thought of something funny
actually something really fucked up

”forgive them father, they do not
know what they do...”

is like a really polite way of saying

​they are all swine, and I am so much smarter than them in every way

...
and on a last note, there have been a few people to donate money,
which has been the difference for me being able to to drink hot coffee
and sit in Starbucks or Vinaka or not

too bad I can’t sleep there while it is raining ...
you know, because it is bad manners
​and improper societal rules

at least I am allowed to cry ... kinda
as long as I do it quietly, in the corner
with my sunglasses on
​
...

speaking of megan markle
​did you know that simon went to school with prince harry?
him and eddie redmayne
they were in the same class, you know
at least that is what simon says

...
media man came
his name was steve
he was nice and neutral
probably like the profile piece he will do on me
supposed to come out online around tuesday?

on another note ... simon says "i love you"
MIND FUCKING BLOWN
and i am like, simon, i want to cry, i am going to sit in the rain for 4 days
i would like these whales free
so i can eat
and i can have sex
​in a warm fancy bed in london
after starving for about a decade

---

THE DAY OF
THE HANGED MAN
​
JAN 23 2019
Hypocrisy
and the delusion of caring

this will be my final chapter
my final teaching ... on this page
I will do the animal magick
starting with the orca and dragon stuff first
and do some other work too, you know, for the massage school
oh and finish the Kabbalah writings/teachings
and fill in the articles on my blog

and I will post small updates 
but mostly, I don’t want to write anymore
or post anything anymore
not on this event
not until the celebrities start to show up
but i will keep a journal, for steven spielberg 
because i am sure he wants the stories

most of you think it is unfair
for me to create such a predicament
but really, if you look through my eyes
it is the other way around
you go, how dare she call out celebrities
and expect them to care, or notice, or show up
but the truth is this
they have power
they have armies
HOW DARE I NOT DO THAT?
and as a truth telling shaman, that is my job
I am supposed to call people out
and publicly
I am supposed to hold them accountable
this is why they have that power to begin with

we have been so socialized
to think they are untouchable
living at an unrealistic standard
but as a shaman
I see through that
I see the delusion in that
they say that they are human
I would like any one of them to prove that to me
because I have not experienced it
and I think most people haven’t
I think they are trolls
trampling the planet
like they own it
stealing other people’s lives, and raping their stories

so many of them have talent
but do they have god’s grace?
how many of them talk about art as a service to the divine
like Elenora Duse did

they have lost their voice
they have lost their way
because the don’t walk their talk
and their talk, has frankly been whittled down to shit
I bet you even Steven Spielberg agrees
which is why he keeps putting his name next to Jurassic Park

it is because they stopped serving
and evolving
they stopped serving the voice of god
and I don’t say that in a biblical way
but I do say it in a moral and ethical one
they create masturbation art instead
they lost their voice
they lost their vision

yesterday my sister gave me 100$
it is not enough
but for now it will do
we had a nice text conversation
she told me she didn’t want me to die
I love to hear that
but what I really want to hear is this:
“Rachel I hope you live... and I don’t mean survive, I mean LIVE, from every inch of your heart and soul, all the way to your fingers and toes”
I know my sister’s limits
but maybe she can read that message and say, Rachel that is cool
and know, that that is how I feel about her

the rest of you fuckers have to call me Kali because that is my given teacher name ...
but my sister and my nieces, they can call me Rachel, or Rey Rey

this sister wanted to tell me that people are worried
I find it funny
actually I find it hysterical
because these are the first few days of the last ten years I finally feel like I am on vacation
and I don’t hate myself
and I don’t go to bed crying
and I am not desperate with grief
or fear or delusion ...

People are worried? Now?
I have been doing this for 10 years.
I have been living in hell for 30.

Where were those people then?
They didn’t care back then?

This is delusion.
that they care
this is narcissism
because I could have killed myself 5 years ago, and no one would have known or shown up
I tried to kill myself 20 years ago, and no one cared
and instead of finding out why, you will probably just read that, and label me as suicidal, instead of a victim of extreme physical, emotional, and mental abuse from my mother, and my nanny, and my high school

nobody cared about me back then
nobody cared about me 3 months ago

but now that I am doing a public demonstration hunger strike, now they care?
what hypocritical delusion is that?

They don’t have the right to care!!!!

They didn’t show up at my birthday for the last ten years.

and no one wanted to listen to me
only shut me up
my mother refused to talk to people about me 
because she is ashamed of who I am 
and she didn’t want to tell people

my whole family was like that
i just had to awkwardly grace them with my presence
but not be anybody
not have a voice
not have training
not have knowledge
or wisdom ...

nobody wanted to talk to me
I have almost no friends that want to talk to me
my saving grace was my students
they care, and they have the right to
also Simon, and a couple new people that have come into my life recently, including Paul
they can care
Elaine and Inge and Starr and Roy and Laina and Alison, can care
​maybe freeman and aldon too

nobody cared that my mother pretty much beat me to death, nobody
nobody cared that I was bullied out of high school
and lately ... nobody really cared that I have spent 10 years doing shaman training
with talented powerful people
no one
except a handful of students

and the reality is, my starving to death on a freezing beach, could have easily been my fate ... ANYWAY!!
because my mother spent months threatening to do that to me ...

while I was looking for work, and building this website, and developing my kabbalah program

so that my family would care now, is ridiculous

and then I went to my sisters ...
and re-did her condo,
and I stayed there for almost two months 
and her place is gorgeous

and that is why Lexa is also allowed to care about me too

but really, when I re-did her condo 
I got the plans for this hunger strike 
and saw how everything connected

and how I might be able to free willy

that I could communicate truthfully
about all the abuse and shame of my life
and out my shaman stories
and give the teachings I want to
and be myself
truthfully, be myself
and get people’s attention
enough to help
enough to care

and if I did that, it would be enough, to free willy
and we could then use that as a model to free everything else ...
and actually bring in the new age
a real one ...

This shit is broken.
This planet is broken.
Everyone knows this.
I am the red canary ...
getting people to try to care.

I am just the canary ...

I read a news clipping about a new baby orca 
born in the resident orca tribes in the northwest waters
link here

I have seen these orcas before

I know them
I connect with them

there are 3 pods
(I believe I remember them being called
J-pod, K-pod, and L-pod)
i think there were about 60-80 orcas in each pod
i don’t remember, maybe less

I saw them in fall of 2015
there was a new born baby back then
it was cool, baby orcas aren’t white
they are yellow-orange

what I didn’t know, was that that was the very last baby, born in these pods
at least to survive ...

until recently

But really, these orcas are fucked.
People are stupid.
They think orcas can eat anything.
People don’t know anything.

These resident orcas are like domesticated orcas, pets
They even have names
And the whale watching boats, can identify them by name, by just looking at their fins
(and the females, I think by the fins and the white markings on their back)

I bet you nobody knew that, or only a few

But these orcas live off of salmon
The salmon that comes in from the rivers of Canada
That is why they stay in this location
Because of food
But salmon is going away
And orcas don’t really adapt

Resident orcas eat fish
It is the traveling hunting orcas that eat dolphins and seals

And there is a difference ...

And the humans don’t care about destroying the orca population
We could easily go vegan
Or just mostly vegan
or even just mostly vegetarian
But we are fucking selfish
And that selfishness is going to kill everything
And nobody cares
It is just a delusion

Elijah Wood, you are not Mumble, I am.
but i a glad you got paid 5 million dollars to do that movie
and are unwilling to help
(i am guestimating, i know brittany's desired movie rate was 2 million)
I AM MUMBLE
The total societal reject.
Just trying to save my whales.
And everything worth saving, on this planet.

Nobody fucking cared that Brittany Murphy screwed me over, or treated me like shit. Nobody.

Do you really think it was an accident, that it was her that I worked for???

---

JAN 22 UPDATE
sending last letter card out tomorrow
website traffic is spiking
so something is breaking through
no celebs
still waiting
running low on money
did my laundry today
so i don't smell like a homeless person
and i am wearing warm clean cothes
i even spent $20 on myers laundry detergent
part of the reason why i am low on money
but i can't stand the super chemical stuff
MYERS is still kind of toxic
i bet nobody knows that, or only a few
the only product i like to endorse is ECOS brand, with the orange logo on it
super gentle, and from my understanding, is as natural as you can get
it isn't bleach, but it can still clean

slept on the beach last night
so i could do laundry today
and get some work done
and maybe make some money

this schedule is challenging
it mostly revolves around safety, the warmth, and staying out of people's ways

being homeless isn't hard
sleeping on the beach isn't hard
not if you find a good place
but it is the constant nagging at you
that you could be attacked by another person
that makes you sleep with one eye open
so my good sleep only happens in the day
where there are people around and i know i am safe
but sometimes i am tired and cold at night
and i want to sleep then too

last night i found a good place
a cupboard under the stairs
of a beach community development
very harry potter of me
but the problem was, i couldn't fall asleep
i was too concerned that someone was going to see me, and attack me
or pull me out from under the stairs
by my legs, angry that i was there
or throw cold water on me, you know, because i am a homeless vagrant now

usually people ignore me when i walk down the road
you know, in my normal life

this is the first time i see people getting mean
actively snubbing me
actively looking at me, like i am a piece of shit
like how my wicked mother used to look at me
and i wonder, why?
i have done nothing to these people
i am actively fighting for them right now
what in them, makes them want to piss on me?

today i looked at a homeless person, for the first time
with love
instead of fear, or obligation
instead of faking it, till i make it
and he was kind, and asked for spare change
and i said i didn't have any
and right now, i don't have a lot, so it is kind of true
but for the first time, i felt like i treated him with actual compassion
if anything, this journey is making me a better person
and i am not the only person who has noticed

because my rich, well-to-do lawyer friend, in london, that went to cambridge and oxford, noticed too
we seem to talk everyday now
and he is also a studied spiritualist
and he even noticed something about me has changed
that I have become different
my total energy has shifted
that i am more settled now
more grounded, more relaxed

and he told me that he read on my website, how much i haven't had a vacation in 10 years
always being on, always
exhausted ...

and i said yes, today, and yesterday, felt like the first days i have had off in 10 years
imagine that
it took me being homeless, on a hunger strike, calling out to celebs to get involved
to get me to a place, where my soul said:
“you can stop now” “you can finally rest”

i told simon, my friend
"it is because i don't have to fuel the fire 
to prepare for war
right now 
i just have to surrender to it"

today, i am clean, and in warm clothes
and today, i became a better person
and i looked at a old homeless man, with real authentic humanity, for the very first time

it looks like it is starting to happen ... i know for people like elijah wood, that is nothing, but that is not nothing to me, and that was just today, before 6:30 pm Kali time, and as you can see below, these are not bots, these consistent traffic travelers UPDATE: this number ended up being 675 by eod

to give you a frame of reference, this was the last WEEK, so when i said, it spiked today, i was telling the truth, kali ren is not a liar

 
JAN 22 2019
on teaching

Shooting Stars
limits ... AND
fear vs discernment

this article has been coming through my head all night
and I didn’t write it down
because I was tired and it was almost 40 degrees outside
and I have to take off my gloves to write on my iPhone
maybe I could use my head phones
but they never really understand my blocking
the way I choose to frame my sentences

but now it is 1:33 pm and I am about to do my laundry
you know, because no celebs have showed up, or offered to help

and my website just doubled for today,
and it isn’t even peak internet traffic time

so something maybe happening, but I don’t know
because no one emails me, or offers to help, or sends me money donations
no one
(update: my lawyer sister just $100
i don’t like like taking money from family
i believe this should be a community project
this is supposed to be about community)

My student/friend did, she showed up on the beach
and we did a yearly tarot reading
and paid me $40 for it
a good quick reading
that style of reading btw, is how i predicted trump being voted as president

so this spike in internet traffic reminds me of a car accident and all the assholes rubber necking it
where is the humanity?
they all want to watch, but they don't want to participate
I mean really, this the purpose of the hunger strike to begin with and why I call it god's test

but I was running through my teaching for today, all last night, through my head
called shooting stars
you would think that was throwing daggers at celebrities
we already know that i can do that, very well
but this is another type of shooting star, that beautiful one, that you can make a wish on
I was worried that I wouldn't remember it because I didn’t write it down

but see the truth is, when something is good, I remember it
i remember those articles
i remember those teachings
like I remember faces
and souls

so here it is:

sometimes we fail our tests from god
and sometimes we fail big time
I wrote about my failure earlier in another post below
on the bottom of the 1/15/19 entry

It was about a homeless woman that I didn’t help, or that I didn’t help enough

you should read the actual post to gain clarity of this context
like now, you should read it now
you should scroll down, and then scroll back up

but on my first night on the homeless streets of Carlsbad
at a bar, I engaged in a discussion about my failure
with a young man, who liked my harry potter scarf

we were talking about regrets
I failed to mention to him my perspective and teaching on it
so he talked about his
but it was kind of shallow
just like most of the people that live here
it was about his girlfriend, and how he wished he treated her better
which is nice, but, is that really a going to the grave, kind of regret?
and they, apparently, were still friends ...

I like dumbledor's words
“Oh, the keen sting of young love”

I proceeded to tell him my regret
he lurked backward
and got defensive
because when I told him, that I could have helped that homeless woman more
and that I really made the wrong choice
he proceeded to defend me !?!?!?!
In all of his arrogance, and youth, and HIS limits

he said that I did the best I could
but really, that was a projection.... on him
on his limits
on his delusion
on his level of self denial and lack of awareness
I didn’t do the best I could
which is why it will haunt me to my death
i will walk with that regret to my grave
or I will fix the problem that created it
and I know that ...
i will find a way to do that woman right
​
I call these soul wounds
they don’t go away, because you deny them
or ignore them, or rationalize them
or pretend they don’t exist ...
and you can’t really heal them
until you heal the root problem
the problem that created the wound to begin with
no matter how much meditation
cult initiations
prayer
healings
yoga
massage treatments ... you do ...
soul wounds don’t go away

you can’t fix them
you can’t bandaid them

Like Einstein says:
You can only fix the problem, from the level above where the problem was created.

do i need to repeat that again?
because I am not sure how many people actually understand this teaching ...

so like me, whatever happens to me, by hook or crook
I forever will be Elijah’s soul wound
his fucking epic failure
and he might not think that now, and that is the problem
but the more he finds out, the more he is going to see it
he has already failed, that is evident, there is no fear around this fact
now it is about how he decides to chose to live each day forward ...
and hopefully make it better than the last

and he can start living in unity consciousness
with deliberate intention, responsibility, and heal this soul wound
or he can continue to claim ignorance
and look the other way
he will either become a human ...
filled with humanity
or will be filled with hot air, and fear, for the rest of his life
and I will say, the same applies, to the rest of hollywood
And that is all I will write about that.

so limits
that young man, that liked my harry potter scarf
said that I did the best I could
but that was a projection on his limits
and let me talk about limits

is there really a limit, to how human you can be
or how much compassion you can give
is there a limit to courage
is there a limit to kindness?
a limit to generosity?
a limit to intelligence and virtue ...

because what you consider your limits
are definitely not mine
my body has a different threshold
my brain has been trained to be dynamic and flexible
and my soul is free
and I ride the waves of my emotions, so they can carry me through the finish line
I am learning how to become an avatar

the capacities you have ... triple that times ten
and maybe you can relate to me
because there is no way
that I could have put in 25,000 hours of training, into 10 years
WHILE WORKING ...
other jobs at high end, fast paced companies, to support myself
I didn’t do it all the time, but I definitely did it
and for anyone who wants to call me lazy
I dare them to ...
I will run circles around them
while training and teaching kabbalah
and getting in shape all at the same time

I had this magick teaching called Layers
i didn't put it in my dragon queen article
I am learning how to become a master at it
but basically it looks like the asshole
who can keep adding spinning plates to his repertoire
without dropping them

I mean just look at how many original articles and teachings I write about everyday
while I am starving and homeless

one man asked me, how much time i spend editing my writing
because it is good
i said, almost none
mostly for spell check, fact check, a little grammar, and mostly typos

Limits

that homeless woman that i half-assed helped was not my limit
my limits look like shooting stars
balls of light falling through space and time, with no destination, no end and no beginning

where we chose to set our limits
that is where we fail
because we are all much stronger than we think we are
or at least I know that I am
and as a kabbalah teacher who watches and witnesses exponential growth in my students ...
I know that they are too ...

do you choose to limit yourself
by the average behavior of the people you surround yourself with?
because you are lazy, or tired, or frankly, just uninspired?
or because nothing is expected of you?

because most of the time I am watching you guys do that
and I just keep on working, studying, perfecting
like the samurai, in the movie "the last samurai"

like a shooting star
that has left this planet earth
and has come back in full circle
well, almost full circle
we need to get these whales freed

most of the time you guys think I am a bitch
because I actually expect certain behavior from you
and this behavior is not rocket science
except for the rocket scientists
most of this behavior is just genuinely good person behavior

like, don’t litter
clean up after yourself
don’t waste
don’t lie
don’t cheat
don’t put poison in your body
don’t expect a different outcome by doing the same thing
don’t hang out with people who are shitty
stand up for things you believe in
again, not rocket science

this is not out of touch with reality
but most of your bars are so low, you think that this is impossible
to me that is gross

be a shooting star, instead
be independent
be unattached from the people around you
instead of consistently letting them define you

celebrities don’t define me
neither do spiritual teachers
which is why I can lead them all
and I was trained by a shooting star
and her name, was Starr
ESTRELLA FUENTES
which translates to: "fountain of stars"
she knew her place on this planet
like I know mine

I either am an old soul, in a young person's body
or I am not
there is no in-between
and if I am an old soul, then I am an alpha
because I am wise
because I have experience
because I don’t need to follow a guru, who rapes his students
because I can get lessons from god, as pure psychic downloads
AND translate them into the real world
which means I can lead
without leading people off of a cliff

but as an old soul, I am mostly tired, and want to sleep
and as an old soul, I am like a mama
who is going to pull rank
when I see everyone else, leading us off of a cliff

I like Beatrice for Dinner,
the movie
you should watch it
it is a really important message
but I wonder, how much work salma hayek really did, for that part, and everything afterwards

and if she even knew
her journey into blackened night time waters of the ocean, at the end
was actually the crossing of the abyss in kabbalah
​the sacred journey into the unknown
the ascension into BINAH (understanding)
the great dark divine feminine
total surrender to the divine
to death
Into the void

I wonder if anybody knew that
and here I am
the Kabbalah teacher who can bridge these teachings
and all the fucking celebs who would die to play these roles ...
don’t even want to know ...
or listen to me ...
or show up ...

and maybe ... that is their limit
maybe that is TRULY the best that they can do
not extend a helping hand to me
not even extend interest ...
not in my knowledge
not in my training
not even in my soul wisdom

and like a shooting star
there is hope
but there is only hope
when there are no limits
when you enter transcendence
when you embrace the pain
and get past your fears
and chose light, real light, instead
I am proud to be a star child
and I have no limits
and everyday, the more training I get
the more my body gets past its limits

and to me, that is what life is for
breaking through your own disease of false limitation

to feel thing things you have never felt
to do things you have never done
To live ...
To Live

this is a nice Segway
to shooting stars part 2 ...
(i will edit the below part soon, have to walk my grocery cart, and carry my laundry, to my locker)

​shooting stars part 2

the only thing that holds you back
is your fear
not your love
not your discernment
your fear

i say people do stupid things out of fear
for the most part, i have found that 100 % accurate

if you can get past your fear
Into knowing
and faith
and trust
you will accomplish the impossible

I pride myself at being good at math
I think it is funny
Because I when I took a placement test
So I could do summer school at SMC for 38$
I failed it
Big time
My brain froze
And I had forgotten everything
And I am a "yin it to win it" kind of girl
And so I said, fuck this
I will do my 4,000$ math class at Otis
That is fine by me
And I did
And I rocked it
I learned a totally new kind of math
And where some people could run with it
I could fucking fly
I could see the answers to math problems psychically
And I would take my final in 15 mins and get an A +
Where everyone else took 2 hours
Like this wasn't basic algebra
This was Symbolic Logic
The ability to calculate logical truths
And validate them
Or invalidate them
And to me, this was god showing me
That I could process data, faster than most, and calculate an actual logical proof
Which has been essential in the shaman and spirit world
Because I don’t know one person
Who does that there
Not one
They follow blindly
And rarely do I see them think
Just like the article below in karma

My mind works like a shooting star
And the one thing that holds me and everyone else back is fear

Fear to succeed ...
A lot of people say that
Like Marianne Williamson

but really, my beautiful logical brain has calculated this:
They are afraid of the amount of real work that needs to be done
Because they are lazy
And they want to stay comfortable

And my logical brain can be at peace, now that I have delivered that message

What is the difference between fear and discernment

My student friend who visited the other day said fear had purpose

What I really think she meant, was discernment had purpose
Fear is an emotion
It is not wrong
It actually there to tell you to “PAY ATTENTION!!!”
That is all
Nothing more
Nothing less

But discernment is the ability to calculate and logically deduce facts and evidential outcomes

So when you cross the street
And you stand in front of an oncoming car
Some people say that it is your fear that moves you
I say it is your discernment
Because you knew, if you didn’t move
You would be hit
unless you were Wonder Woman
And then those limits didn’t apply to you

When you don’t know other people’s limits
And you imprison them into your own
You are hurting them
You are controlling them
preventing them from being shooting stars

I am not saying I am Wonder Woman
But I can leap frog across a freeway
Without getting hit
Because I have discernment
And I can see the trajectory of those cars
When I pay attention
And I can calculate
Most people would think that would be suicidal
But for me, it is just practice
Don’t imprison other people into your limitations
Because they might be shooting stars

The greatest lesson in my own experience was this
I wanted to start ballet as a 28 year old
And my mother chastised me for it
And said it was abuse to my body
Actually it was the reverse
I gained more posture and poise
And learned how to break through my pain barrier
Especially in my sensitive thighs
Gross
I gained so much, by doing something really difficult
and listening to myself
than just following what other people believed, and going with the grain
I am no Misty Copland
But maybe I have the chance to be
I don’t know yet
I have not set that limit
And if this hunger strike works
I don’t know know what is next for me
And how much my body can do
And I am pretty sure
I have seen an 80 year old female gymnast on the men’s parallel bars, rocking it, like a shooting star

---

JAN 21 UPDATE
nothing eventful
my facebook ad has ended
it cost 120$ minus the 15$ coupon

i am not hungry
i am not really even weak
​and the light has returned to my eyes
my body is beginning to get it
to understand what is happening

but i did crave a stuffed jalapeno from jack in the box last night
just one, i thought it was funny
i thought about cheating
​and two seconds later, i found my resolve

oh, here is something interesting
the bounce rate on my website has dropped down to 1.27 %
so the traffic coming, is direct, and they stay on the pages, and actually read the material

saw someone in austin ... on my hunger strike page

​

JAN 21 2019
so there is this thing called night school
the work we do, in the astral realm
Starr has a whole CD on it, on her website, if you wanna buy it
most of you don't understand
but my witches do, so this beginning entry is for them
because last night in night school
the celebrities caved, and stepped up
and decided to help

i told you i get the Victory card for this hunger strike

but this is not the teaching for today
today the teaching is about the NEW AGERS
the "unstudied, undeveloped, unrealized spiritualists, that think they know things ..."
and just like hippies, and no offense ...
fuck you NEW AGERS, i love you, but FUCK YOU
and here is why:

Fault vs Responsibility
the failings of the new age cult movement

I didn’t have to do this
I didn’t have to become a political activist spiritual teacher

but I did ...

no-one wanted to pay me for watered-down spiritual teachings
no-one even wanted to pay me for smiling and looking pretty
but they all wanted me to clean
their houses, their files, their pictures, their money books

I am probably more advanced at math and science than all of them
I am probably more educated
especially if you include my emotional and spiritual education training with Starr
and I have done Actual physical magick
I am a wiz at learning
and I am also super tech savvy
but I have spent more time cleaning up dog piss and shit, than you can ever imagine

some people would say that that was my karma
but this is just another broken fallacy
because this is how people choose to have me spend my time
this is an active choice
and a reflection of their poor behavior, lack of intelligence, and lack of responsibility
and when they are educated, and enlightened, and saint-like
they will be the ones who have to clean up the dog piss and shit
and get angry at the dog owners who perpetuate mindless irresponsible behavior and lack of training
while the ignorant dog owners point the finger at them, and tell them that that is their karma

this is the lesson that they forgot
that karma works both ways
you can't kill something innocent, and says it deserves to be treated like that, because of karma
without owning the karma that you create, by killing it

because how people choose to paint me ...
and how they choose to employ me, will effect them, and every part of their life

this is like failing to play your star quarterback, and choosing to have them be a third-string bencher instead
and then complaining that you lost the game

people can choose for me to become a great spiritual teacher
and perhaps a great spiritual leader
but they would choose Oprah instead
because she makes them feel comfortable
and she won’t call them on their shit

she will be ... "easy"

YOU GET THE PRESIDENT YOU VOTE FOR
this is literally the best teaching about karma that I can give
everything else is just fluff or farce

I have this edgy “hipster-ish” friend in NYC
we have been writing back and forth a lot
he likes snakes
he is smart, and enjoys living against the curve of society
I ask him to read my dragon king article ...
and he says no
or that it is all just ramblings ...
he thought that that was funny

He asked me about “NEW AGERS” and if I knew any, or talked to them ...
My Response > basically the new age awakening is a poison
It is like eating too much sugar and thinking you had a good meal ...

this is an unpopular stance, but a necessary one

spiritualists are interesting ...
and rarely do I find them want to take action in the physical world
like their actions don’t matter
but they do love their reiki
and many of them call themselves masters
only after 3 months of training and $900 of initiations
gross

they think their actions don’t matter
but then sending Love & Light does
there are sooooo many problems and fallacies about this
I will explain those later

but I find it interesting, that they don’t want to train with REAL witches
that can actually create change in the material world
that would take work, and time, and money
and yet most of them are bound to tech jobs
or weird hipster food companies
Can we also add the Hollywood elite here?

God ... on your time ... lol
Like god cares more about producing your shitty movie than getting the whales free.

Total fucking arrogance.
and talking about arrogance:

nice segway ... also known as a transportation device
a platform that you can just stand on
and it will roll you anywhere ...

so some old white man has been writing me essays
that I don’t want to read
mostly because I am starving
and all I want is some hot spicy tomato juice in my belly
and maybe a warm spicy guaco lime juice too

and I also don’t want to read his essays
because he spends more of his time talking at me
instead of talking to me
like i am an idiot
a little girl who needs to be educated or talked down to
i find his essays to be 97% disrespectful
and demeaning

he keeps offering his help
but rejects to help me in the two capacities I have asked for
which is money, or him helping me spread the word
I am not attached to the money ... because some people don't have it
but they do have time, and connections, and a voice

and then this asshole complains to me
that I keep rejecting his help
but he didn’t even listen to me
and what I asked for

he thinks he is a really good guy
and that I am a self absorbed negative bitch

what he doesn’t understand, is that I have been on the other side of this equation, and see the lack of depth to it
he likes to quote boring scriptures that he doesn’t even understand
and in Art School we have a name for this behavior
we refer to this development phase as SOPHMORIC ...
where you think you know everything
but you really have NO idea
and there is no practical application to your teachings, in the real world

he says he sends me LOVE
and that all he is, is LOVE
and then proceeds to tell me
that not one celebrity cares about me
and neither does PETA
and that I should give this hunger strike up

and this is coming from a “positive” person

he keeps signing his name as Shiva-Tiger
but he is neither Shiva nor a Tiger

I responded with a wicked tongue, like I normally do
because I don’t do mansplaining
not with people who have less education and training than me

this would be the equivalent, of me having the narcissistic arrogance, of showing Steven Spielberg how to use a camera
or me thinking I am going to teach a sharp shooter how to use a gun

NO.
THIS IS CRAZY.
AND HOW THIS MAN TALKS TO ME ... IS CRAZY.

I have 25,000 hours of diligent practice, meditation, development and study.

and he wants to lecture me on quotes and teachings, from his guru
that he himself, has not even integrated, and does not yet fully understand

(but I am the boring bitch, who is cliché)
and he is “a nice guy”

and really I have never read anything, more boring, than his essays,
so it is probably a total projection, on the lack of inner work he has done on himself

“No celebrity cares about you, neither does peta”

And I respond:

You don’t know who I am.
You don’t understand me.
You do not see me.
A real nice guy, a real good guy, wouldn’t say
“those celebs and peta don’t care about you”
A real nice and good guy would say
I WILL MAKE THEM CARE ABOUT YOU

Jesus would say "I will make them care about you!"
so would Shiva
because that is how positive and empowered people think

I will do it! I will ...

either, if there is a will, there is a way
OR there isn't

and he lacks will
he is no Shiva

Shiva is a Dragon King
Shiva would take responsibility and action
Shiva would do, what it takes, to get the job done

so back on the edgy NYC guy
and talking about NEW AGERS
he hit them, right on the nail
and I already had had this conversation with another student, just hours before reading his email
so it was perfect, divine
and i knew this was the next important article

this is what he wrote me, word for word
take the CIA stuff with a grain of salt
he was being cheeky

"New Agers are self absorbed and too pollyanna. They ignore all the bad in the world because its karmic debt...how absurd. I had a conversation with one too and it was tough. Much like progressives, the logic and common sense has all but dissipated. They steal beliefs from other religions/belief systems and morph into their own. They're the only belief system that looks at reincarnation as a positive thing. I actually believe New Age was started by the CIA and we know that's a trustworthy group. They are a cult all to themselves who excuse all vile behavior. Sounds like a pacifist New World Order elitist dream come true."

... and they blame all of the world's problems on KARMA

a studied monk, or saint, or master, would not do that
they would say I AM THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA
and that karma, begins and ends with me

this is the wheel Danerys is trying to break in GOT btw
how many people understood that?

anyway, that level of mastery or intelligence is scary
because that would take REAL courage to embrace that idea
and why dragon magick IS NOT FOR BEGINNERS

humans are not the keepers of Karma
the Dragons are
the Seraphim are
and i will tell you why

like i said above, humans lack perspective, and insight, and definitely wisdom
so why would god make them the judge and jury of karma
that would be like allowing the wicked step-mother and step-sisters of Cinderella, to be her judge and jury
saying that she deserved that absurd treatment, and to be poor
while they lived in wealth and abundance
and she had to sleep by the fire place
because of her Karma
but the reality was, was those women, WERE WICKED inside
and had no empathy, nor compassion, nor grace
no inner beauty
nothing
they were reptiles
robots, zombies
this is a really big wake up call, to wake up out of your privileged karma delusion
and the ones who do, will be fine
but the ones, who desperately cleave, to the idea that poverty is a choice for poor people
will have the tables turned on them
i guarantee it, if not this lifetime, then the next one,
and they will fucking pray, for a dragon queen, to break the wheel

you cannot blame the horrors in life, on karma
and think you have power
or god's blessing
because usually, the ones who do real inner work, they don't say things like that

can you imagine jesus pointing the finger at mary magdalene and chastising her, for being a whore
that is what EVERY SINGLE PERSON
looks like to me
when they blame peoples lives on karma
instead of helping lift them out of it

see dragons, the seraphim, have this gift
they have this thing called sight
and perspective
and wisdom
so they can see a person's soul
and the REAL karma that those people have
and what may look like horrible karma to the rest of you
might be grace given by god, or earth, to that person
you don't know anything yet
because mother earth knows, who wants to help her
and eats their karma away
and god knows who wants to serve him
and eats their karma away
and this is called THE LAW OF GRACE


THE LAW OF GRACE
the most important thing i can teach any of you
that when you choose to be 100% of selfless service to the divine
that all your karma is gone
and the only thing that works through you, is then the light of god

why doesn't deep pocket chopra talk about this?
because he doesn't live it
and i can see that
and if he did, he would show up at the beach, and get A-listers to feed me

dragons can see the truth in the heart of hearts
and they know who is a farce, and who is the real deal
i am sitting next to a very psychic woman right now
and i know she sees me
but i am not sure, she knows how psychic she is

how funny, that the purple in her aura
seems to be missing
in all the reptiles
or the new agers
who want to blame poverty or misfortune on KARMA
a total lack of true purple
of true third-eye
of true insight
of true intelligence
god's intelligence
of true soul
of true spirituality

she is wearing pajama pants
and charging her phone next to my computer
and she reminds me, of my college days

this is why the older wisdom teachings of kabbalah
are more aligned with reality
than the new age spiritual movement

false teachings about karma

they fail to recognize the part they play
the consequences of their decisions
and how it effects others, and how it effects the planet that they are living on

so if you beat someone up
and then point the finger at the victim of your anger
and blame then, telling them that they "deserved it"
you still have the karma of beating that person up
and in the context in which you did

If you keep supporting broken systems that don’t work
and point the finger at the people who fall through the cracks
like they just couldn't hack it
​or were just lazy
but you helped build a faulty system
you still have that karma

and then the next lifetime
you probably are going to be in that position
stuck with that faulty system, that you fucking built
with some stupid new age cult idiot
pointing the finger at you
you know, because it is all just your karma

It is funny this wheel

no-one understood that the wheel Danerys wants to break is the karma wheel ... no one ...
so then that is my job
to do it, and to teach it
that karma begins and ends with me

Jesus died being tortured to death.
There are consequences to that.
He burned through all of his karma, for that sacrifice, that 100% selfless service to the divine.

But everyone who did it to him... they are fucked.
They all have the karma of killing a saint, a miracle.

This is advanced spiritual teaching.
I don’t expect the swine to get it.
But the few out there that continually ponder about the idea of unity consciousness
and what that means
may understand ...
and those with a true third-eye and a good throat chakra will “get it”

You are not separate from the homeless people.
You are not separate from the sick people.

Talk about leaving men behind.
total lack of integrity
total lack of tribal mentality
total lack of team work
total lack of wolf magick (which is very like dragon magick)
the strength of the pack is the wolf
and the strength of the wolf is the pack

That is a Geburah teaching.
RESPONSIBILTY
Something higher up on the tree.
For when we talk about the ability to respond, power, and what that means...

I am pretty sure you are all so excited :)

i told you, this is my kabbalah classroom

today i am pissed
it rained last night
but today, i understand my checkmate
and i feel solid, and supported
​and i don't need to go chasing after waterfalls, not anymore ...

addendum:
there are two things I want to add here
one is about karma and one is about grace

...
i really like Starr’s teaching on karma
i have found it to be humbly, mostly true
GOD TREATS YOU, LIKE YOU TREAT OTHER PEOPLE

AND OTHER PEOPLE TREAT YOU, LIKE YOU TREAT YOURSELF
...
think about that
i spent 5 years meditating on it

the dalai lama should be able to understand that
and break it down
but really, if you do not show up for me, god will not show up for you
and the same applies to the orcas
and i have been sending out this message 
bluntly, since beginning of november
and everyone on my facebook, can verify that

PART 2
"AS A MASTER, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR EVERYTHING IN YOUR AWARENESS"

dalai lama, also, should be able to break that down

...
​the law of grace
when you choose to be 100% of selfless service
you are then graced
but you aren’t only just graced
you then carry the RAY and GIFT of grace with you
because you are a then tool of god’s grace
an angel of god’s grace
​a dragon queen
and for that, you can break the karma wheel
believe me, it won’t look perfect
​but it will look JUST

---

JAN 20 UPDATE
last night, skater/skydiver tweeted over 20 celebs
tonight, we will do more
you know, because he wants to free some whales ...
i am watching him play is video game right now, and in 5 mins, more tweets will be going out

i also, hand sent out, to every individual news agent, the press release again, you know, because it is getting interesting
and now there are stories attached, MORE GRAVITY

that was the view of the moon from my bed last night ...

​
so contact has gone out

and everyone is responsible
you don’t get to live on this planet and say you aren’t responsible for its fate

You don’t get to say “oh that is seaworld's fault”.
Or “that is the responsibly of the president”
without taking responsibility for your part in it ...
If you do, you are living your life off of a broken fallacy, a shaky foundation.

where what you do, every day, doesn’t matter

where how you spend your money and time, doesn’t transform things

where what you say or don’t say, can change the fate of the world

where every tweet, every Instagram, every Facebook post can mean something, or not 
and it can determine the direction we head toward ...

That is the power of the voice.

This is dragon magick, and that is all I am going to say about that, right now.

but I will say, Elizabeth Warren was a victim of this media’s narcissism.
and how they chose to paint her ...
when she came out with her dna test
was abhorrent and disgusting 
(Considering the media is supposed to be liberal.)
they could have painted her as “she told the truth, she proved it”
instead they didn’t ...
they twisted it, to their own agenda, and how sad 
because their framing wasn’t news, it was bias, all of it.

The fallacy of the media is that it isn’t based on a frame, or taken out of context.

this is why I write, because no matter what media representative calls me, or doesn’t call me 
they will not put words in my own mouth.
and I have to wonder, is this part of the reason they haven’t responded yet?
because I am uncontrollable 
because they won’t be able to paint their perfect picture 
or is this because they don't take me seriously? or human life seriously?
and really i think it is the latter ...

Last night I slept on the beach, and it was beautiful
and I didn’t freeze 
and I felt safe, kind of 

and I woke up, at 5:40 before the tide demolished the beach
around 7 this morning
there will be a higher tide tomorrow 
it will be 6.8 ft at 8:30 am
and the beach will be covered in water, and not sand
all the way to the ocean walk wall 
how cool 
I didn’t know.
I grew up here, and I never knew that 

But I went to the little bit of shelter, and slept more
and then woke up, walked to the ocean
and then slept on the beach in the baking sun 
Thank god for the sun
I got sleep today, and I can stay up, all night long, and I have a lot to write 

I got a visit from student/friend of mine
who brought me a blanket and pillow
that I synchronistically left behind at her house 
So I have one more soft blanket, one more layer 
and a down pillow, covered in a golden silk pillowcase 
Fancy, for a homeless girl.

I was talking to another friend, the fancy lawyer who went to Oxford, and Cambridge 
he helps remind me that I am glamorous homeless person 
so that the double takes and looks of disgusts that people send my way, don’t bother me.

because really they never treated me well to begin with 
they normally just ignored me
and when I dressed up in hot clothes and makeup 
they also looked the other way !?!
and now as a homeless gypsy tarot reading beggar, they snub me 

This is starting to feel very beauty and the beast ...
I used to like to think I was like belle 
but the reality is, I am the shaman witch in disguise who curses them
for their ugly insides
and I would chose nothing less
That is a dragon queen to me.

Goodnight.

tonight I sit by another fire place 
and I missed the moon eclipse 
because I was sending out press releases, while I still had WiFi

---

JAN 20 2019
i think i might not write all of this, not tonight, late 1/19, maybe tomorrow
i call this chapter and teaching sunglasses ...

which relates to ... FILTERS
and who, and how, we perceive things
because really, reality can bend, just by changing our point of view

this will be another teaching on MALKUTH
​as this page, is now, my kabbalah classroom

and for all of you, who want to know about how hungry i am right now, i am not that hungry
it is amazing how easy it is to do something, when you do it for a cause
when it is a selfless action for god, and when you take yourself, out of the equation
i wish i could do that for the freezing cold that i endure
bypass the pain, through surrender to god, working on it ...
i also have one pair of handwarmers, from ski season, i plan to use them, the night that it is supposed to drop to 40 or below
and if i need more, i will buy them

what is funny, is that nobody cares about all the other homeless people, that are living on the beach, just me ...
​and that is a great segway, to talk about SUNGLASSES
​

---

these glasses were sitting next to me, in the sand, where i was writing this article

soundtrack
A Game of Strategy by Steven Price
The Hunt

JAN 20 CONTINUED
some people are going to read my website and love it
others will think I am angry bitch
many will think it to be wise and true
a number will think it is funny
a few will think it is hilarious
hermetic magick people will either think I am a grudgy snob, or a genius
and many Christians will want to throw a bible at me, or burn me at the stake
the spiritual people will think I am negative and a narcissist
the goths will thank the heavens that someone like me exists
the scientists will probably think I am too spiritual

but the artists, the real ones, will see my soul
and see the heart it took, to do this, to write this, and draw this, and grid it, and seo it

and the shamans will praise me, and reach out, and teach me more

You see, a book is only as good as the person reading it ...

sunglasses
how you chose to live your life, is going to frame what you see

and every photographer, director, cinematographer and photo-shop artist knows
how you frame the picture is everything

I read JK Rowling, and all I see are downloads of real magick, from god
but you see, I am a trained shaman, a witch, who teaches hermetic Kabbalah
and Those are my sunglasses

I will watch game of thrones and see where every episode and lesson fits on the tree of life

and watch avatar and see that jake sully is just riding Lucy ...
the biggest baddest dragon out there

Those are the archetypes.
Those are the filters.

This is both the virtue and vice of Malkuth.
because we are all wearing sunglasses down here
down on this planet, we call earth
Filters only existing based on our experiences ... or lack of.

And sometimes that lack can be beautiful.
Like my lack of Hollywood.
I don’t have those glasses.
I don’t play by those rules.
I play by shaman rules, which frankly, are higher up on the totem pole.

People think I am crazy, but I will play this game, like a witch.

Like a WISE ONE.

The most irreverent thing about that word, witch, is that nobody really knows what it translates to.
It means wise one ... or wise woman.

The light looks different from up here, at the top of the totem pole,
and so does the pain, and the truth
because we can see the lemmings heading over the cliff
and we can see who is going to get married, and divorced
we can see the fate of the world, and we can see how to save it
And I am going to tell you, it ain’t gonna be saved by you, doing everything you’ve been doing.

I like one of Wayne Dyer's teachings:
that continuing the same course of action is only going to lead you to the same result

This sounds a lot like Einstein.

We can see, us witches ...

We understand.

We get it.

We get that continuing to support our comfort zones, instead of the paths of true righteousness, will only make us fail.
Because we have already done it.
We have already seen it.
Maybe on another planet.
Maybe on this one.
But we have seen it.
And that is why we are WISE ones.
We have experience.
And we learn from the mistakes of others.

it is hard, when everything looks bleak, to embrace change and pain
cause you don’t even know why you are gonna do it

but that is what faith is for

faith isn’t about running away, or escaping your destiny, or your responsibility
it is about embracing your destiny, and letting god guide you, through the unknown
faith is about stepping into the alchemical fire, and letting the divine change you for the better
and for the best possible outcome

and guess what, it is going to hurt, and probably a lot

but life is not about running away from pain ...
life is about embracing it, harnessing it, and transforming it ...
into something beautiful.

I am laying on the beach tonight, and it is not freezing.

and there is a whole family next to me, curled up, with each other, and covered with blankets of shooting stars
I used to be afraid of that,
i used to be afraid of walking by them on the beach, when i took my nightly walks
not anymore
but really how sad, there are kids out here ...

if it takes a pretty rich witch white girl shaman, who is intelligent, and educated, and talented
to get people to care
then that is why god chose me
because i might be poor, but i didn't grow up that way
i went to La Costa Canyon
and my dad made over 300k a year, as a pilot
and my mom made over 150k a year, as the HEAD administrative nurse midwife of all the military bases in san diego
i am a daughter of la costa, of carlsbad, and of all the wealth out here
and i am doing this, because i have the privilege to
and as some of the rich fat white men, look past me ... as i look more like a homeless person every day
just know, that i could be your daughter
and maybe i went to school with them
and was in the more advanced classes
you know, because i was two years ahead in math, and one year ahead in science
a daughter of LCC, and on the CIF championship winning field hockey team, who ranked 11th in the nation

but also know that i spent a lot of my lunches, in the art room, because your daughters were bullies
and maybe threw food at nina and me
or maybe just watched it happen
and a few of them, treated us nicely

that is why this hunger strike needs to happen here
because i am a daughter of carlsbad
and however ashamed or afraid you are of looking at me today, or tomorrow, i am the product of your choices
these are my sunglasses

today i am warm, and grateful
and i got to see, an alchemical moon
and i got a lot of good sleep
and today, i looked at my eyes, in the mirror, and there is less light in them
and that makes me want to cry
and today, i meditated, to try and bring some of that light back

and the punch line here
the sunglasses, that i am wearing on this homeless excursion adventure
are $450 custom fit PRADA
​like a witch

---

JAN 19 UPDATE
so as you might have figured out by now, i do a spirit teaching, in one entry
and my "UPDATES" are the more practical application of this hunger strike
i like the balance

today, the skateboarder showed back up at the coffee store
he is also a skydiver
i asked him yesterday, how often he goes
he basically said "once a week" in so many words
blew my mind, i haven't even gotten to go once ...
that was a welcomed appearance, the skateboarder,  because i wasn't feeling super keen

i had a great night yesterday, you know, until i froze on the beach for hours
at least i prepared to stay up all night, so i wasn't going to be hit by high tide again
and at 6 am, and i had a place to go, and rest, and that was what sucked
even in a little bit of shelter, i was freezing my ass off
shivering the whole time
in pain and misery 
so by 930, i woke up, and could go back outside, and plop myself in the sun, on the beach
but instead, i took a walk

there are two parts of this story, and like a crazy witch, i will work in a non-linear capacity

today, this morning, on my walk, i happened upon, a donation-based out-door library
it was a bunch of shelves, cut out of wood
with books, just lined through them
books FILLED the shelves, three layers deep
and they books were wet, because of the rains, but they were not destroyed

i have never seen this, i didn't even know stuff like that existed
an "out-door" library
so ... i went into the stacks, looking for the book, the alchemist
which was recommended to me, last night, while i was sitting at a bar pit fireplace
and as i looked for the alchemist, i saw a dragon book instead, sticking out, so i happened over
and there, sitting above it, was the whole set of Game of Thrones ... for free (or a small donation)
and i collected it, i collected the whole set, and i stuffed them in my locker
i haven't read the books, not yet, and i seem to have all the time in the world right now
so FUCK, i will do it, it will give me something to do, at night, in the misty air
so my fancy laptop doesn't get water poisoning
and i can distract myself, instead focusing on freezing to death

after i put the books away, i headed to the beach, and plopped myself onto the wet sand
you know, because the HIGH TIDE, apparently now covers the entire spectrum of sand on the beach
i downloaded a tide app, for my ipod/phone
this tide should only last for the next week
this is a CRAZY TIDE
i like the metaphor
you know, for my life
and i finally got to sleep, in the sun
in the warm sun, and i wasn't freezing or shivering
it pierced through my cotton wool sweaters, my jeans, my beautiful wool socks
and in the sun, I FINALLY GOT TO DRY OUT MY REAL SHOES
because yesterday, i was walking around everywhere in my brand new golden princess slippers
i say brand new, because i have never worn them
they have sat in my closet for maybe two years, and i have been waiting for the right moment to bring them out of the box
​
my friend said, i should post pictures, of what i am looking at
so everyone can see
and really, there are actually a lot of people, who are checking this page out daily
more attention than i have ever gotten in my entire life
​so here is my first picture

my lawyer friend said he liked this image, reminiscent ode to Cheddar Block creating the yellow brick road

this is a great segway
so now i can talk about last night
i know elijah was tweeted TWICE
i know chelsea handler was tweeted, leo, jim carrey, riz, who else? i forget
you know, because i plop myself down at a bar, and people like me, they enjoy me
they tell me i have good energy
and that i am present
and have great vibes
and they don't feel judged by me
and we talk ...

don't worry, those celebs above, are just the beginning, we will be attacking sooooo many more soon
because the longer i don't have juice in my belly, the more those people are going to DEMAND celebs get invloved, and take responsibility
you know, not one celeb has contacted me, not yet ...
still waiting for someone to step up

i thought i was going to have to wait, for an A-lister to legitimize this hunger strike
that this hunger strike, was dependent on them
i thought i was going to have to wait, for elijah to say he was going to FUCKING HELP
because he is "the nicest man in hollywood"
which should translate to "the jesus of hollywood"
becareful what you brand yourself as
if you aren't prepared to prove it, in the real world
if you aren't prepare to walk your talk

​anyway, i thought i was going to have to have celebs legitimize this
but the powers of celebs, come from people
normal people, who want to do good things, but can't, because they don't have all the resources
so when i sit at a fire place
in my harry potter scarf, and old souls, talk to me about harry potter, and i can show them proof of my real magick
and tell them about Starr, and my training
and that i am a shaman, and harry potter is basically my real life
and i tell them what i am doing right now, living off the grace of god, walking into the unknown, and show them my website
there isn't an inch of them that hesitates, or holds back, or even flinches
they think it is cool
they go HOW DO I HELP?
and i say, get out your twitter account
and they do this, because THEY GET WHAT I AM DOING
they understand it
they don't just look at me, and go "she is just a crazy person"
they look at me, and say "that is cool"

so the people i sat with, at the bar pit fireplace, may have given me a silver lining, for how we are going to get this done
and really, we will tweet every celebrity out there, until it does
we will demand it

and also, THEY WANT ME FED!
today, and yesterday, last night, was surrendering to the path of god
into the unknown, and really, how cool

every day, i build my path forward, brick by brick
living in the power, of the now

today, i am empowered
and today, i am fatigued, and my body feels it, a little
and today, i want warm avocado, cilantro, and cucumber lime juice, to fill my belly 
and i will wait for the first brave responsible celeb soul, to show up, and bring it

and really, if they don't know about it, if they don't know about me, it is elijah wood's fault
and chelsea handler's
because we have been tweeting them, for weeks
they just chose IGNORANCE instead
​... instead of Action

it is also the fault of the traditional media
because they know about it, and looked the other way
and i have all the emails, that the press release was sent out to

today, i am preparing for war
thank you george r martin, for my new books, for free

TANGENT
on a side note, my lawyer sister has been reaching out to me
asking how i am
i wish i could trust her
i wish she understood all of this

we kind of connected when i re-did her condo
it looks beautiful by the way, absolutely gorgeous
i wish i knew, that she was cheering me on ... 
more than her stepping into fear, and reaction mode
she never really understood, what the responsibility of a shaman was
she never really got it 
she never really got me

it is my responsibility to be a steward for this planet
nothing less
any shaman to tell you otherwise, is a farce
no responsibility, no power
i wish my lawyer sister could understand that, i mean, once upon a time, she was a berkeley hippy activist

JAN 19 2019
on teaching

At a certain point of your life, and knowledge, and understanding, you cross that threshold where the pain of not doing it, not moving forward, not facing your fears, not saying something, not standing up, becomes greater than pain of you doing it.

The pain becomes greater,  than the pain of you accomplishing the impossible.

Today, my friend talked to me about Archangel Michael, and Saint Germain, and other masters …
and I said, “oh yeah, I work with Archangel Michael, I love Archangel Michael.”
I added “I work with him daily.”

He said “good.”
He asks me “You do all this light work, and all this other spiritual work, why don’t you talk about any of that on your website?”

My answer, because I don’t want to ... and I like the dragons.

But I told him why.
I said, “EVERYONE writes about Saint Germain, and Archangel Michael on their website.
EVERYONE DOES ...
There is so much information out there on Archangel Michael.

You know who there isn’t a lot of information about?
Archangel Khammael
who is the dragon keeper
he is the archangel that works with the seraphim
and that is a very rare teaching
I only found ONE other minister in the US, that even connects the dots, that the seraphim are dragons.
I think I have his name in my email inbox, because I sent him a “Horray!” email, and he responded.

You know what there isn’t a lot of teachings about, online?
how easy it is, to work with dark energy, without being corrupted by it …

true shamanism, how to face your shadows, embrace them 
and then let them heal and dissolve, as you push through into your new reality

This is another reason why I refer to myself as a saint, because I am very Jesusy.
People tell me that, all the time.
And I can work with dark energy, without hurting people, without causing a scene, without being corrupted.

It is funny, that I can talk about Lucy, and have no attachment to the idea that Lucy is evil.
Because to me, Lucy is not evil.
Lucy is YIN.

What is evil, is the imbalance of YIN and YANG.
The imbalance of masculine and feminine.

Lucy is a master of the earth element
and a guardian, a gatekeeper of the realms of hell
Lucy is just as much LIGHT and DARK as we are.

And mostly, LUCY likes to sleep.

​...

My friend had an epiphany, because he was studying all this dragon magick stuff.
He is studying because it is important to me, and he wanted to relate, and connect to me ... and I didn’t even have to ask him to.
But he had this epiphany, because what he found online, and out there, was nothing like what I write about.
He said, that what he found, was nothing like the man I talk about who is the Dragon King.
It was about dragons working with and representing the elements.

and my response was this:

if you can find something about dragons, out there, you probably will not find it on my website
or not a lot of it
I am here to teach
ORIGINAL teachings
that other people have forgotten about, and that you can’t find anywhere else
old ancient wisdom teachings
and some of my super psychic friends, have validated these teachings to me
because they know and understand the old wisdoms too
or they are currently downloading them in “night school”

How cool.

But my friend had this epiphany that LUCY pretty much only wants to sleep, and be lazy ... 
because that is how the element of earth works.
And LUCY is a master, of the element of EARTH.
The deeper divine YIN.

There are old ancient Eastern teachings about this YIN.
And that Lucy was a representation of the root chakra.
AND THAT IS LITERALLY ALL.
Nothing nefarious, nothing demonic, nothing dramatic ... that he was guardian to the root chakra.

Like the giant Lion Turtle, in Avatar Air Bender/Korra, that carries the gift, of the element of EARTH.
and if you did even more research, that lion turtle IS A DRAGON
you can find pictures of him, and statues of him, everywhere ...

And even after reading this, if you are still afraid, you are not yet, rooted, or grounded, into your root chakra.
DISCERNMENT, that is the gift.
FEAR, that is the disease.

I like smart people, that can connect those dots, for themselves. 
It makes me smile.

But for now, I just taught you all Kabbalah, and a deep divine lesson, of MALKUTH …
which literally translates to: THE KINGDOM.
The Bottom of The Tree of Life.
THE ROOTS of The Tree of Life.
and it corresponds, to the root chakra
where Game Of Thrones begins ... and why I say Lucy is my Drogon ...
THE KINGDOM
Welcome to my kabbalah class.

as Hundred Eyes once said “the most important part of the tree, are the roots” …
and as I once said "you can only grow as high, as your roots, grow deep" ...

Pain, you make me a believer … a believer …

and yes, I wrote this all, at a coffee shop, with wifi, sitting next to a skateboarder
in a new Harry Potter scarf, a dry one ...

today, i am optimistic
because i just figured out, how i can teach you all kabbalah
and all of you so fucking desperately need it ...
I am not hungry, my belly is full of warm liquids, and my heart is burning with hope
​and today, charley is optimistic too ...

---

JAN 18 PM UPDATE
so i wrote the beginning entry this morning, at 2:30 am Kali Time
and i was awake, freezing on the sand

with a ski jacket on, and another wool coat on top of it, and a wool hat, wool gloves, and a giant wool scarf
and i was freezing
and i was tired 
and i need to sleep in the day ... 
but yesterday ...
i didn't prepare for staying up all night, so that i could sleep in the day
so i dozed off, with my head against a rock
on the freezing sand
sitting on my beautiful blue orca towel
i dozed off
​
i woke up every hour
freezing
cussing out god
and my dragon goes "this is going to suck"
"this is not going to turn out how you want it to"
this is charley, my other dragon, the one i imagine steven spielberg, in another alien lifetime, gave to me
the ugly brown reject
but i love him
and here charley is, trying to protect me, all night long
and not just physically
mentally and emotionally
he is the kind of dragon that makes sure, that i don't get my hopes up
and if someone wants to come through, and prove me/him wrong, then so be it

they are a lot like dogs, my dragons
like pets, that are loyal, and protective, and possessive
they have been reffered to as RAAVA DOGS, but most of you won't get that reference
and they love, they LOVE A LOT

so i was sleeping outside, on the beach, after the rain passed
i found a safe spot
a piece of sand, hidden, in a little rock enclave
i also found a spot, i could run to, if it started raining
a little bit of shelter
and so i slept
and i woke up, at 6 am, to a woman yelling at her dog
i thought ... HOW RUDE
she was dressed in a bright pink sweater, with white pants
middle aged, white, yuppie, average, so cal woman
and her dog was medium-sized and brown, maybe a pitbull
but i got up, and saw the time, and thought, i can go to my locker now, and get warmer
and so i got up, rolled up the towel, packed my back pack, and then started walking ...

i looked like a giant monster rising up from the sand
and the woman saw me, and i tried to brush aside my embarrassment
and then i just kept walking ...

and then, high tide happened
instantly
and in the freezing cold, after my first shitty, unprepared night
with rainy mist in the air
i was wiped out by a wave

and i thought FUCK
this really IS going to suck

now the grace in this was, i was only wiped out by the wave, waist deep
but seriously, fuck that
it was still brutal
but the grace was, was that woman waking me up
because if she didn't, i would have been sleeping with my technology in my backpack
and then wiped out by a wave
and EVERYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN DESTROYED

and my ski jacket would have been soaked, and my wool coats, and my wool hat, and scarf
it would have been DONE
it would have been OVER

and i walked to my locker, in the rain
with soaking wet shoes, and socks, and pants
and at least, i could fucking change, into something warm

so update: today, i was warm
only after THAT
today, i was freezing and WET

one news person emailed me, via my press representative
and they asked me: "do you know what A-listers you are expecting to show up?"
and i said "i have no clue yet, but an email was sent out to both eddie redmayne, and riz ahmed"

JAN 18 2019
I love being controversial
I love it

I love being so far out there that almost nobody can relate

I have no problem with that

society likes to tell me to “be myself”
but for the most part, what they are saying is “be the version of yourself that we are comfortable with”

They make movies about hiccup and other social rejects, but then reinforce the rejection, in everyday life. How cliché.

I find it rather ironic
and honestly, humiliating, not so much for me, but for them

this hunger strike is going to suck
my website traffic just tripled in the last 24 hours, but no one called or emailed

and I know why ...

because almost everyone wants me to be the version of myself that “they can handle”

An old student of mine showed up for my birthday.
He is highly intelligent and talented.
When I taught him kabbalah, he actually learned it, integrated it, and made it part of his daily life.
He was telling me about the failures of my blog writings, and how they come off as grudgy or angry, and sometimes instructive.

That’s cool.

I caught myself for a minute, before I started to apologize for my writings.

Why am I going to apologize for something that is real, and authentic?

I am not sorry for my anger
I am not sorry for my grief
And I am definitely not sorry for my truth

if my writings come off as unsavory, then that is good by me

I would rather be honest

if that means that everyone runs away from me, from fear of truth coodies, then that is what happens

in all honesty, those are also the people who would charge me $150 for a healing session, and then tell me to “be myself”

or they are the people who would smile at me, in front of my face, tell me how much they love me, and then talk shit about me behind my back

I am grateful, that this hunger strike is about the behavior of people,
so that when I write my journal entries, I am not redundantly talking about the perfect whales
how annoying, how safe, what a neatly packaged box

this student also had a differential opinion on something important to me ...
he said “the difference between me and you is: you think we can still save this planet, and I think it is already gone”

mind blown ...

I say that we have 15 years of resources
Michael Burry is investing in WATER
and we are all probably fucked

and my old student goes “I think you are being generous... we definitely have less than 15 years”

to think ... that behind all my negativity, and anger, there is still hope there

but it is beginning to fade with each passing day

welcome to the suck
I am now officially an adult...lol

today, I am cold

---

JAN 17 UPDATE
some smart person once said
the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over, expecting a different outcome

so if we want these whales free, we are going to need to start thinking outside the box
no single letters to seaworld are going to be effective
there are so many people, who have tried that course of action already
what we need now, is creative problem solving

so my understanding is, hunger strikes have historically worked in the past
so that isn't crazy
and we haven't tried to get every powerful and classy celebrity together to change the fate of the whales
we haven't even tried to get these celebs together to change the fate of humans
not with intention
not with real purpose
just as indirect art, as a statement ...

so in reality, what may sound crazy to you ll, is actually less crazy than everything else

because everybody else keeps doing the same thing, expecting a different outcome
​

---

JAN 17 2019
and my three amazing journal entries

OUT OF THE BOX
CREATIVITY & the IMAGINATION

I Imagine Dragons.
I love them.
I see them everywhere.
I imagine them everywhere.

Now if I say I imagine Lucifer to be my dragon … does that make me insane?
And if I say I imagine Lucifer to be my Drogon, and for me to be a dragon queen, does that make me delusional?

NO

Why? because it is my imagination.
It is my inner world.

when I share my inner world, my “spirit” world, with people, many of them love it
and it frees them, and their creativity
when I choose to share my right brain, my imagination, my abstract mind with others, some people heal

when I say Lucifer is my spirit dragon, it is the same as saying: “I imagine Lucifer is my dragon”
when I say "i call lucifer: LUCY"
I imagine that creating a nickname for lucifer, is endearing, and takes away from the fear of lucifer
when i talk about having many dragons around me, i imagine them, so i have courage to do the right thing
and stand up for what i believe in
that i imagine, that i can accomplish great deeds in life
overcome insurmountable obstacles
because i have the imagination of a dragon, guiding me, protecting me

when I talk to my “spirit guides”
I am talking to my imagination
I am talking to my self
I am talking to my own inner projections and thought forms, of my imagination.

Does that make me crazy, that I choose to work with my right brain, to creatively problem solve?

to create solutions to issues, that are OUT OF THE BOX
that is what that means btw
every left brainer, is always confused by that statement
"what do you mean, to be more OUT OF THE BOX?"
because their left brain, is the box ...
and their right brain, is their creativity

What is cool, really cool, is when they work together.
​left brain, and right brain, together

this was wonderfully illustrated in the movie FINDING NEVERLAND
how Jim Barry could see his imagination, beyond the normal left brained, hardened reality
and created Peter Pan
how amazing, how magickal, how shamanic
and quite beautiful

...

when I say steven spielberg is my spirit-dad, I imagine that
​why? Because I love him, and I respect his work, and imagine that he would be great to work with … in the future
that is a dream of mine
I gain insight of who he is, by the work he creates
is that delusion? or logical deduction?

when I say my friend is a unicorn, I imagine her to be a unicorn
my right brain, receives information about her, and can harness it, and it projects a unicorn
which in “right brain speak” means TOTALLY ORIGINAL
unique, independent, beautiful
and guess what, she is TOTALLY ORIGINAL
​i have never met ANYONE like her
am I insane for saying that?

the right brain is a wonderful thing
It is filled with light and creativity and magick
when i say I am psychic, what I am saying is that I have emotional intelligence,
what i am saying, is that i have right brain intelligence, that goes beyond the normal state of thinking
It is different
It is creative
It is new
It is OUT OF THE BOX

it is my "super power" and i love it
i am never alone, because i keep good company with myself
the only time i feel alone, is when i try to force myself, to be like everyone else
or to fit in, but i don't want to fit in

when i say i talk to celebrities in the astral world, that is my imagination
i pretend like they are my friends, giving me lessons, and teachings, and funny jokes
that is my right brain, speaking to me
that maybe I WANT them to be my friends
is that delusional?
or is that a really creative form of intelligence?

can you imagine if you lived inside of your left brain, for your entire life
you wouldn't get to watch movies, or read fairy tales
or listen to music
you wouldn't enjoy it
the right brain is the creative world

i imagine aaron sorking to have a falcon totem
i imagine him like a cartoon character, shape shifting into a falcon, to take out his prey
with all of his power, and severity and might
and i love that imagination
i love that
that makes life fun
and it makes me laugh
and he can take out his prey, with one stroke of his pen
i imagine that

i love looking at steven spielberg and saying "father of dragons"
that i can imagine him genetically engineering dragons with me
and that they are all pearl toned
and he hands me one, and says, this one is yours
and it is ugly brown
​like the reject of the batch
and i reply with "thanks dad" in a disappointed tone
but i find a way to love this dragon, with all my heart
and he becomes more powerful than LUCY
and my best friend
these are my thoughts
this is my imagination, and i love myself for this​

when i see will smith, i see a tree, an old wise tree, and that is why i call him an ent
and how cool, because days later, i find out, he is talking about old wisdom teachings
about responsibility vs fault
and to me, only old wise souls, like old trees, would ever speak like that
how amazing, my right brain, works in really cool ways ...

I Imagine Dragons ...
and I call myself a Dragon Queen, because I would imagine myself to be nothing less.

...
addendum:
so one man asked me if I was a luciferian
i said NO
to me lucy is an old nice wise dragon
who mostly wants to sleep

he asked me why I only talked about lucy
and I said because Lucy is my drogon
or is my toothless
these are nice dragons
that are black
now we are talking about racism?!? Lol


i imagine other dragons too:

one named True Blue who is an eastern style dragon and is loving and communicative
one named Fat Joe who is a heart centered healing dragon
one named Pearl who is a bitch, but super smart, kind, and wise, like a goddess
one named Alizarin, but i call her Moosha Moosha, who helps me gain courage, and teaches me strategy
one named Cheddar Block who likes to create yellow brick roads
there is even one named Black Pearl, who is adventurous, and works with yin
and Metal Bender, who is the Most Loving Dragon

And one giant white dragon, named Dinostar who is Lucy’s mate and opposite
​like toothless and the new light fury

i don’t know why I am on trial here
i mean it is my imagination

He asked me if they told me to do things that were immoral
my response : hahahahhahahaha
”what is immoral?”
he said hurting others
my response “NO”
​why would they do that?

dragons are keepers of balance
and they are all different, and they work together, like a team

ORCAS AS THE KEYSTONE SPECIES
I love the orcas, always have
since I was a little girl
I went to seaworld ALL THE TIME
we were all so stupid back then, so socialized
we didn’t think anything was wrong
but we also ate shitting TV dinners
and didn’t care where our food came from

I grew up in north county san diego
so it was normal that we went to seaworld, and the zoo, and the wild animal park ALL THE TIME
we had season passes
I was a sensitive kid, but not that sensitive
not sensitive enough to see the harm that was being done
not sensitive enough to see the misery of these animals

one time, at seaworld, my mother bought me a piece of shitty tourist artwork
I didn’t care, I didn’t know it was shitty, until I was older
I loved it, it was important to me
It was the deconstruction of my name “Rachel”
sitting on a cheap computer print-out
of orcas in purple water
It said “EWE”
like sheep
like lamb of god
but to me, it also said “YOU”
You are those orcas.

It seems destined that I would do this hunger strike
my life has turned out very different that I thought it would
I thought I would be married with kids by now
but I always chose the soul path
Instead of the settling one
probably why I have the strength to do this today
and I feel like I chose this path, with the orcas, a very long time ago

I am waiting for the dragons to show up
to get the work DONE
with the fire in their bellies
and the brains in their heads
and when i say dragons, i am meaning the powerful movers and shakers of earth

orcas as the keystone species …
some smart person once said
“we measure the health of our eco-system by the health of our Apex predator”
I am paraphrasing of course
but that was the most important take away from the video: “How I fell in love with a fish”
​a TED TALK by Dan Barber, you can youtube it

“we measure the health of our eco-system by the health of our Apex predator”

so if the orcas are healthy, and the dolphins are healthy, while living in the ocean ...
this is a clear sign of the health of the ocean
and if the ocean is healthy
then the environment of the world, is probably healthy
so if the orcas cannot survive on our planet, today
​basically, we are fucked, doomed

they are our keystone
just like the bees
and if we cannot make them important, then we are destined to fail

humans are not healthy right now, either
and we are also considered an APEX predator
so what that means is, is that the entire eco-system will collapse
we measure the health of our eco-system, by the health of our Apex predator
this should be a wake up call

Duck duck goose on SNOOZE
There are somedays you just don’t want to wake up
I get it
You know you need to
You know you need to show up
And all you want to do, is hit the fucking snooze button instead

I have lived my whole life like that
I am the hour long snoozer, to get out of bed
When you are more horrified of the day ahead, than excited for it

my friend contacted me a few days ago
trying to tell me about the logistics of the whale rehabilitations
and that it would cost billions of dollars
and the whales don’t speak the same dialect
I KNOW ALL OF THIS
but they are NO better in captivity, in small, chemical-water treated tanks
they are no better than they would be, inside of seaside sanctuaries, not that I believe
where they are “still in captivity” but in a natural setting
not being exploited by fat morons who are trying to line their pockets

SEAWORLD needs to front this cost
this was seaworld's fault
they played games with nature irreverently
and now they need to pay up
that is the consequence
for that kind of behavior
and I am pretty sure, there is at least one orca rehabilitation that is successful out there
and if not, it is seaworld's job, to create one
THAT IS THEIR JOB
not to contain, not to control, but to be an activist, and help these creatures they profess to love

...

HOW I FELL IN LOVE WITH A FISH
at the worst, why we wouldn’t work with scientists
or creative thinkers
or the people who developed the fish pond
in the story “how I fell in love with a fish”
because they did something correctly

​this is probably going to be an OUT OF THE BOX adventure thinking issue
and I am not going to accept excuses
I will accept resolution and creative thinking
why would Peta invest so much time and money, in telling people to empty the tanks
if there wasn’t a real solution to move forward?
there probably is, and yet the public isn't even aware of it

...

you can’t just do whatever you want in life
and think that it doesn’t have consequences
​you can’t take something out of the ocean and think that it is okay
you can’t breed whales and think you own them
you can’t mutate the DNA of something, and think IT IS YOURS

there is nothing sacred about keeping the orcas in captivity for a pony and trick show
NOTHING
there is nothing reverent
nothing respectful
orca’s are not for them to OWN
that is what I am standing for
I DON’T CARE WHAT ANY LAWS SAY …
you cannot own nature.
I am standing for that.

---

PREPARATION FOR HUNGER STRIKE

many people have been asking me "are you gaining weight" before this strike begins
NO
in fact i am doing the opposite

any girl who has struggled with eating disorders knows how to do this

you cannot binge and gain weight, and then starve yourself
that would make your body go into shock

right now, i am eating one meal a day, and 2-3 juices, while taking 5 mile walks to keep my body strong
i have lost 5 lbs in the last month (i currently weigh 117 and am almost 5'6", with lean muscle)
this way when the hunger strike begins, i won't feel like i want to die
​it is gradual waning ... instead of a roller coaster

​...
speaking of roller coasters ... AT SEAWORLD click here ... ew gross
the orcas are way too sensitive for all this noise and sound vibrations
it is toxic, and is literal abuse to them

---

---

PRE-STRIKE COUNTDOWN

JAN 16 2019
one more day to go
i have a friend who wants to keep this hunger strike "tidy"
like a neatly packaged, easily digestible, pill to swallow
and not include my personal life
and not include my stories, or at least only keep those stories for when i meet people one on one

the problem is, i speak from my heart, and my soul
and life is messy, and doesn't come in neatly packaged boxes

and where i will create some neatly packaged articles, and blog writings, for the academic types
including an article about the paradox between schizophrenia, and shamanic work, and how they are parallel and the same
and is a scientific study, being done at STANFORD i believe, right now
something i have been trying to teach people for over a decade
i will write a neatly packaged box for that
i will write a neatly packaged box for mental disease
i will write a neatly packaged box for psychic lost children
i will write a neatly packaged box for social injustice in economic classes
i will write neatly packaged boxes
but this journal, is my JOURNAL
and is not a neatly packaged box
this is my life, and my experience

​update: have a lawyer now :)
also, talking to a member of peta now ...

all these spiritual people keep talking about a global awakening
i don't see it
i don't see it with people who have money
i don't see it, with how men treat women, but also how women treat me
and also how some women treat men, or animals

i have this friend named Elaine
I knew her back when i was training with Starr
she has been in contact with me lately, a lot
she even has night school dreams, about me, and magick that i have never talked about WITH ANYONE
it is so cool, we have a connection, a real psychic connection

if inge gives me an inch, elaine gives me a mile
we were slightly chatting about people today
And Asking THE QUESTION:
do enough people actually care, to make this hunger strike work?
and my response to her was this
NO BODY CARES ABOUT ANYTHING ANYMORE !!!!!!

which is why i am doing this strike
because nobody cares about ANYTHING anymore
they are just walking zombies
they don't care enough to change, not enough to create this so called global awakening
​not enough

celebrities are trend setters
i am usually 100 feet ahead of the trend setters
so i don't make trends, and i don't pretend to
that is the job of the celebrities, or leaders
but i can teach the celebs, or leaders
i can teach and work with them
and then they can work with the mass populice
that is why god made them a celebrity
and that is why god made me a crazy, advanced, unwatered-down, spiritual teacher
​a dragon lady

what is my sister think is going to happen once i get out of an institution?
that i am just going to comply to her rules, her ideologies, her construct of reality?
her control?
i am just going to do this, again, and again, and AGAIN!
and i am going to speak my truth, and the truth, because that is what i do, and who i am
and this statement, this demonstration, is not going to end ... because i have a boundary
you cannot take away my boundary

i will not give in
​
so not one celebrity or media agent has contacted me
not one
not yet ...
this is going to be fun
because my website traffic keeps doubling
especially to the free-willy page
with a large focus on LA Users
and the OFFICIAL PRESS RELEASE goes out today
​14,000 post cards where distributed yesterday
and a number of them to colleges

you know what is cool about not being popular
I appreciate the one french man who mentions my facebook ad about # FREE WILLY to someone
or the one comment I get on my ad
or the one beautiful response to my poem
I am grateful for the one student who shows up to Kabbalah or Pathworking
and I teach him or her EVERYTHING

I am not jaded by an over-saturation of stimuli, and false praise

I teach that ONE person who showed up to take that class
all it takes is one

I am helped by the ONE press guy
and the ONE lawyer who knew two A-list celebrities
and I appreciate them
and I don’t throw them away
or cast them aside, like they are nothing

they are god’s gift to me

the problem with popular people
is they like to throw away things
and people
like they aren’t important
because they have an OVER ABUNDANCE of it

they like to throw away their money on parties
instead of invest it in school for children
instead of hire an employee who would take them beyond to the next level

being poor, you don’t throw away your pennies
and when you spend that extra dollar, you go:  I WILL SAVOR THIS

I have had money in my life
not a lot, but where I lived like I had money

I have also been super poor
there is a health, in my opinion, in living like that
I am not afraid of it
a grounded-ness
where you don’t throw things away
or take things for granted
you calculate, you investigate, you study, and INVEST to the best of your ability

what is really sad, is that i had a super cool spirit teaching here
that i was going to put in this paragraph
and i just censored myself, for the first time
i just watered-down my fucking JOURNAL, and i hate myself for it
and i resent that i had to do it

I am not popular 
I have never been POPULAR
except in elementary school
if you think negating my self-worth, by not showing up, is going to stop me, YOU ARE WRONG
I have been training for this, my whole life
I can handle rejection
I can handle criticism
I went to art school
I trained with Starr
and then I trained with dragons
I am ready for this

If you think ignorance is going to save you, or anyone else, YOU ARE WRONG

I should mention BIRDBOX here
WASTE, WASTED FUCKING MOVIE
wasted money, wasted time, wasted story, waste of talent
but the message was clear
there is a major change that is going to happen on this planet
and either you are going to see and embrace the change
or you ARE NOT

I hear sandra bullock saying “we must go back, we can’t let her starve”
and some old white guy asking “why”
and sandra replying “because we are not assholes”

did anyone watch birdbox, and wonder, what if what they saw, was their own shame and shit
and THAT IS WHY THEY ALL DIED?
NO? What if?

What if they saw God, and their own inner shadows was what caused them to die?
I don’t know.  I am not attached.  That movie was a waste.
But to make it not a total waste, I will take the lesson god gave me, in it.
I will make my lemonade, again.

Someday, I would like to make a fucking salad.

the lesson was this, you can live in shame or do the right thing

one more day to go: but in reality, I have already shown up, already begun
i do things like that

PM
Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
the press release went out
​this is on

---

JAN 16 TANGENT
some people ask
"why is it the responsibility of the celebrities?"
my answer
BECAUSE THEY HAVE POWER
and you do not get to have power, without taking responsibility

you don't get to have power, without responsibility
they go hand in hand
their power, is their responsibility

---

JAN 15 UPDATE
i think we are getting close enough to lift off, for me to create an entire update
so here:
dropped off postcards today :)
​
had a phone call with my lawyer sister, about the hunger strike
as she is now labeling me, and this act, as suicide, and wants to institutionalize me, and has threatened it
she also tried to "lawyer trap me" into saying this cause wasn't for the whales

1) she will have to get through the army of people who are supporting me to do this, including the lawyers on MY side
2) this is not suicide, this is a calculated political and spiritual action, a demonstration, a cause for change, and a call for celebrities to take part and help
3) even if this hunger strike "wasn't for the whales", THE DIRECTIVE OF THIS HUNGER STRIKE IS FOR THE WHALES
(just because the premise of the argument is another thing, doesn't take away from the consequence or result of said premise)

the premise of this hunger strike is about the proper and intelligent behavior of people, and celebrities, people with power, stepping up, and doing the right thing, and saying NO, NO MORE ... with me. 

​the result is the whales being freed.

SO THIS IS FOR THE WHALES

...
I would have to be insane right? I mean this is crazy. genius maybe, but kind of crazy. 
i know that. maybe it is crazy in a so crazy it will work kind of way ...

and really, EVERY GREAT MOVEMENT FORWARD IN HISTORY
was met by such irrelevant opposition

to think that I was worthy of a-list celebrities feeding me JUICE ... how absurd ... how crazy
instead of them, letting me die ... which would be negligence on their end

Am I insane for thinking celebs could feed me juice? And keep me alive and healthy while we freed the orcas?
That they would possibly help me do this?
Am I insane for that?

I have no plans on dying
please do not twist my words
I have every intention to live
and I am putting, that, on the powerful-responsible celebrities, that are the movers and shakers of the US, and perhaps the world ... to actually take responsibility

my sister called me today, and left a message, you know, to control me
lol
can’t anyone do a proper hunger strike anymore?

I knew it was a lawyer trap
It was
She said they were going to have me institutionalized for being suicidal
this isn’t suicide
and I am not suicidal

being prepared to fight and die is not suicidal
it is being prepared
being prepared to defend yourself in battle, does not make you violent 
studying martial arts, does not make you violent, just because you understand war tactics
If it was suicidal, then the entire military and every law enforcement officer would be institutionalized.

the truth is, my sister doesn’t want me to tell the truth about all her abuse on me...
she wants to steal my voice
she wants to twist my words

because she is a lawyer, and i am just a shaman
talk about social inequality
how many people in your life, have you spat on, because they make "less" money than you
how many times have YOU been spat on, because someone made "more" money than you
i put quotes on it, because sometimes it is about NET

she doesn’t want me to speak about all the times she has chased after me with knives, trying to stab me.
and how she let my mother almost beat me to death, slamming my head into a door way, with the door
she doesn’t want me to speak about her putting a burning, flaming, stick in my face and melting my skin away
she doesn't want me to talk about all her, actual, suicidal plights and her blackmailing my family, because some guy broke up with her
which seemed to happen YEARLY
she doesn't want me to talk about how my mother had to call the cops on her, in park city, and how my sister had to go to court (i am not sure that she ended up going to court, but the event is on her personal record)
​
she doesn't want me to out her, for going to her LAWYER jobs, drunk and high, and on some illegal substances, or cocktails of her "legal" drugs, completely under the influence
because if I spoke about that, it would make her look bad
and she IS a lawyer ...

she would rather continue to abuse me, by stealing my voice away
then letting me vote
letting me speak the truth

I chose to live, but I want to live in a better world
where i am not being displaced or controlled because OTHER people are afraid, or cannot handle my intelligence
and I am one of those people who will take Action to create a better world.

this is a political commentary of the injustice of the system
NOT A CALL OF SELF-HARM
this hunger strike is about getting celebrities to get together and CELEBRATE, and start creating social justice
​with the primary directive of freeing the orcas

with the primary directive of freeing the orcas

And then tbd ...

If you were intelligent, that would be evident

so let me redundantly clear
so you cannot twist my words
I am not “ready” to die
I AM READY TO LIVE

I am ready to get every A-lister celebrity together, to help free these whales
that is my directive
that is my intention
that is my goal

And the fact that I have to S P E L L this out for you, proves my point of the blatant idiocy of humans.

You will not put words in my own mouth.
And if you do, you will be going against the 1st amendment right, the freedom of speech.
And as I am an ordained minister, you will be going against the 1st amendment right, the freedom of religion.

 JAN 15 2019
i think I gave too much praise yesterday to Hollywood
so today a normal person brought me back down
and so did the rain

he asked me about this test I kept referring to
and what it was
and I said it was god’s test
and the test for Hollywood to reveal their moral character

and he said
with fearless conviction,
and a tone of certainty
​They will surely fail.

That is what every normal person thinks about Hollywood …
just so Hollywood understands.

the normal people are afraid for me 
because they have no faith in Hollywood, to do the right thing ...
and really ... hollywood has given them no reason, to have faith

So I will be god’s test.

a defining moment
for hollywood to step up, and show up, or not
they make movies like the matrix,
and stories about going against the imprisonment of the system
but their everyday behavior reinforces that system, and the matrix
this should be a wake up call to them
​
...
i love old sayings
mostly because they are so full of shit

like “you can only bring a horse to the water, you can’t force it to drink”

YES … and FUCK NO

there are a hundred ways to take responsibility
for that horse to drink 
so it doesn’t die
you can put an IV in it
you can add something to the water, to encourage the horse to drink it
you can bring other horses to the water, so the horse feels comfortable enough to drink it
you can HONEY TRAP the horse
and then after many attempts of different solutions
if the horse still won’t drink, then maybe give up

but the reality is, you don’t know if that horse has a parasite
you don’t know, if there are parasites in the water
you don’t know if the horse knows something you don’t

you need to learn how to work with that horse

Not go “stubborn stupid horse, I am going to let you die, because you didn’t drink”

this expression is awesome
these people go: “FUCK THAT HORSE”
I go: “fuck those people”
they can’t even work around their own ego
and stupidity blockages
or idiocy
enough to help
or figure out what is wrong

MY FAVORITE EXPRESSION IS THIS
and this is a spiritual person expression … ew!

“I don’t regret anything in my life … I wouldn’t be the person I am today, if I didn’t experience that …”

LO FUCKING L

you are a shitty person
so I wouldn’t be proud of that

trump is our president, ew
hollywood doesn’t care about anyone but themselves
there are soooooo many problems on this planet
and you haven’t take responsibility for any of them ….
NOT ENOUGH …
NOT ENOUGH TO STOP THEM …
NOT ENOUGH TO SOLVE THEM ...
and most of the time, i just see you looking the other way
with my Kali Seeing eye

Shitty Person Check List
Do you have an iPhone?
Do you have a smart phone?
Do you have an animal that pees all over your apartment, because you leave it there alone to rot?
Do you have kids that hate you?
Do you buy ONLY organic?
Do you kill animals? Inhumanely?
Have you stopped the rape trade?
Have you called out the Dalai Lama for his negligence?
Do you continue to let cults and pyramid schemes exist?
Have you abused children?
Have you let OTHER people abuse children?

silence …
dead silence …




AWKWARD






pin drop


point made
​
ARE THOSE WHALES STILL SITTING AT SEAWORLD ... WAITING?
just waiting for forever, for you to show up?

I rest my case

if you haven't realized, this is MY JOB
this is why a dragon queen needs to do this

are you letting a Disney princess saint, die, from starvation?
are you letting the saints in India, die, from starvation?
same thing
I am pretty sure most of them just sit there, to test people
and they die, because of the negligence of others

I FAILED
I failed a test from god, big time
and I regret that

maybe, some of you … the wise ones ... will learn from my mistake
at worst, the rest of you, will continue to repeat it
I don’t know, Elijah, people call you an old wise soul
I do not fucking get HOW!?!? 
how anyone could have given you that title
my mind is FUCKING BLOWN
you would have been sitting here with me YEARS AGO, if that was true
instead I am starving, on a beach, because of YOUR sins

I am pretty sure, that that was, the real translation from Jesus, by the way.
for and of can be interchangeable
Jesus died, because OF OUR SINS
NOT FOR OUR SINS

WAKE THE FUCK UP
​this shit is broken

MY BIGGEST REGRET IN LIFE
I was working at Fender, at the time
summer of 2016, Hollywood
we were having heat waves, big heat waves
I had some money, but NOT A LOT
I am the type of person who makes enough money for the whole year in 8 months
and we are talking like 24k max
with rent at 1k a month
so not a lot of money
but I budget, and still find a way to eat farmers market, and do circus training
and pay shamans, and take classes
with 24k, I still had a GOOD LIFE
you guys disgust me
that is redundant

but there was a Saturday, I was walking out of circus class
I did acrobatics on Saturdays
learning back-handspring backflips
you can see the video on my facebook
what 32 yr old does that?  Me that is who
because I can, and because I love my body

and on the street, on Hollywood blvd
was a woman, overweight, filthy, smelling of rotten piss
with a dog, like maltese-poodle, also filthy
and I took notice
I ran to my apartment, got my wallet, got cash, the cash I had in my wallet
like 52$, and with my card, I bought her water, and food from the coffee store

this story isn’t me preaching about what I did right
this story is about the shame I carry in me, about what I DIDN”T DO RIGHT
I called the homeless shelters
they are all closed on the weekends btw
did any of you know that?
this woman was sick and injured,
and needed a place, to shower and heal
and I gave her 52$, instead of $120
which would have given her a hotel room, for the night
during the heat wave
a place to shower 
and extra money to buy some clean clothes
like a human

I thought the 52$ was all that I could afford
I could die, like Jesus, trying to free these whales
and I will still regret THAT

I fucking failed
But at least I can use this story like lemonade
and teach you all how NOT TO BE

I have prided myself of doing so much inner work
that I don’t really have a lot of teachings on how NOT TO BE
but I sure as hell, have this one

…

I give money to homeless people
once Buzzfeed featured me in a video
about changing your aura
I haven’t even seen it

they raped my first video, of me teaching yoga
so i didn't want to watch my shaman video
a girlfriend of mine said, i was the best thing about that video
but I like that SOMETHING was made
they have no clue, those buzzfeeders
they are children running around with power, with nobody to direct them
nobody to give them soul lessons, or wisdom teachings
millennials LOL

anyway, I had such a high, from this experience
I went to the ATM
and got $120 probably, or around there, in 20’s
and I handed out my 20’s on Hollywood blvd
next to buzzfeed
I did this as an act of celebration and gratitude
like I was giving something back to god
for the heaven of being SEEN at buzzfeed that day

people think this is vain, giving homeless money
for obvious reasons
I don’t give money to homeless people to buy food
or for alcohol
or any other reason
frankly it is none of my business
If I wanted to give them food, I would give them food
I give them money, and look at them, in their eyes
to maybe give them HOPE
that maybe yeah, I can’t fix their fucked up situation now
but maybe I give them a glimpse, a fucked up, totally impossible glimpse
that maybe somebody cares, and maybe there is a god
and MAYBE just maybe, we can a build a better world, where they don’t get fucked or fall through the cracks

On January 17, I will officially be joining the homeless people
as I will be living on the beach
at least I have a beach

… like a saint

NOW
do not have the audacity to tell me that this is my choice
unless you have the audacity to me that it is YOUR ACTIVE CHOICE TOO

and like Jesus, I will not DIE FOR YOUR SINS
I will die BECAUSE OF THEM

I am done asking, requesting for celebs to feed me juice

P!nk and Hayden Panittier
you are the last
Fucking Orca Lovers

...

THIS BITCH IS GOLDEN
Deirdre Rose
narcissistic abuse survivor
(i bet you she would team up with me against hollywood)

---

JAN 14 2019
​I started of my day yesterday by procrastinating again
on some graphic design, work that i took
so I have money for hot water, and cold water, and WiFi

to force myself to do this work
while preparing for this strike, is misery
but it is $50/hr
so i will have money to go into starbucks and not get kicked out
like a dirty homeless person

this graphic design work will be for a massage school name KALI
which is why i took the job, to begin with

so the work will either now be done
by a dead girl ... or ... a hero ...
talk about energy, stay tuned ....

but I walked my 5 miles and went to my coffee store
for my $3 cappuccino with almond milk
that is my treat and sanity right now
(i know what most of you are thinking ...
where the fuck can you get a $3 cappuccino?)

it was closed, my magick coffee store was closed
i was 20 mins late, because i was writing this article
so I walked to baskin robbins instead
and I went in and I saw my ice cream
like white chocolatier with cherries and brownies and fudge ice cream
and there was this sign on the top counter saying ice cream sandwiches

and there were 3 nice ladies standing next to me, waiting
and I yell out “ice cream sandwiches!!!”
​in my booming voice
“that’s like saying I AM READY FOR DIABETES PLEASE”
they all laughed

well I got my ice cream sandwich
i am going to indulge a little
and I thought ahhhhh!!!! Diabetes!!!!
as i finish the ENTIRE ICE CREAM SANDWICH
my spirits guides say "don’t worry!"
"we will either juice you back to health, or you will die anyway"

they are funny like that
funny but true
like my blog

some people say "SAD BUT TRUE!"
I understand. Same thing. Different day.
tragedy plus time ... or perspective
well that brings this down ...
now I can talk about my animals  

I promised you NETZACH + Steven Spielberg, here it goes:

I really like being gentle with animals

I like it when they are not afraid, or afraid of me
one man once called me a Disney princess 
as he plucked a lady bug off my jacket
takes one to know one 
he is going to be everyone’s boss
you know ... if I have my way

You can read about my love of animals everywhere,
especially my bunny article on the dragon queen page
Bunnies Ain’t No-Thing
​
I am not weak because I like animals
I am divine, because they show me things
I am sacred, because they reveal their vulnerable sides to me
I am worthy, because they show me their secret worlds
you know... like a Disney princess

Jonathon said that to me, at the same location, where I experienced one of my favorite moments in time.

a group of brown doves,
who would often sit at my window,
and watch me work for hours ... were at the pool
laying on the patio floor, on the warm concrete
you would think that that was enough
them just laying there, in my presence
that that would constitute me being a gentle soul

but they weren’t just laying there, feet away from me
they were laying there PROSTRATE, TOTALLY VULNERABLE, with their wings spread completely open, sunbathing

none of you have seen that probably
probably none of you

a group of DOVES on the ground SUNBATHING
with their vulnerable wings completely open to you
that takes a master gentle soul to see something like that

and it takes a master gentle soul to allow more doves to continue to descend
onto the ground and encourage even more of them to continue to open their wings

that is trust 
They trusted me.

maybe the most powerful experience of my life, or one of them,
and I have done physical magick and crazy cool supernatural work.

I am writing this while I walk around a duck/goose pond where I like to feed the birds
you might think me being a shaman, that can do magick tricks and miracles,
would make me value something different ... No.

My miracles are with nature.
There is truth in nature.
The other magick is cool too, but it always seems a bit selfish.
When I experience magick with animals and trees, it fills my soul.

warning, tangent:
I hate that I left my plants at my mother's condo, btw 
It haunts me to even think about it
she might have killed them by now, or neglected them, out of anger or spite 
I don’t know
I just hate that I am not there to protect and take care of them 
but soon I will be close to them, again
I wish some celebrity could come pick them up, from my mother's ...
because they are living creatures ... and innocent

anyway, I am a faery... obvi....
this is what a faery sounds like
but I am not airy at all, believe me 
maybe in a queen of swords kind of way
I am tough as nails, tough as iron
like the art nouveau movement

it might be beautiful and intricate,
but it is strong and sturdy, like an Iron Lady
did anyone know that the art nouveau movement was a direct response to the shitty art deco movement?

nature fairies attacking all those hard angles
this is just kabbalah. NETZACH vs HOD
yes the beautiful feminine waves of nature and branches and leaves and fairies,
being a direct response to the hard angles and masculine geometries of the 1920’s/30's

the fairies traveled through time, to do that

Steven Spielberg smiles.
Tells me I am smart.
(with all the quantum mechanics practice and spiritual magick miracles ... this is what gets his spirit's attention)
I don’t even know why, except for the fact he is a fucking faerie 
but he is not just any kind of faery .. let me tell you.
did anyone watch the NEVERBEAST tinkerbell movie
and the ninja fairie, and she is HARD CORE
kind of like that

he is what is known as a DRAGON FAE
I know this, because I am too, hence spirit-daughter
if you want to disagree with me, then fine 
but he is the one who keeps producing Jurassic Park
like god saying “this way”
like a wound in his soul, that just keeps bleeding more movies
and it says EXECUTIVE next to him
so he is the president of this choice
and he just let all the dino’s go, so yay!
yes he is a dragon fae

speaking of other dragon faes. Guillermo del toro
Pan’s Labyrinth
literally the most perfect movie ever made

did you know like 90% of people don’t know the difference between a labyrinth and a maze?
HINT > this is a meta reference
Self-awareness anyone?

why’s pans labyrinth was perfect
well 1 because I said so
2 because guillermo del toro agrees
3 it had balance

that beautiful thing called balance
it had horror, offset by beauty and grace
it had violence, offset by dreams and wonders and awe
it had death, offset by life
and it had justice, at the end
transcendent, really

I hate people who don’t like subtitled movies
I think they are stupid
I am talking about the people

it is like they can’t or won’t appreciate something exquisite, if it is in another language

Like swine.

let me include life is beautiful, and red cliff, and obvi schindler’s list, here
or crouching tiger
or hero, which wasn’t that great, but had breathtaking art and visuals

sometimes I wish I was a movie critic
I have watched enough of them
I mean I do see people’s souls
and when actors are being authentic or “faking it”
most people think acting is about "faking it"
but the real actors, understand it is more than that
sanford meisner i believe said "TO LIVE TRUTHFULLY, UNDER IMAGINARY CIRCUMSTANCES"
that the actors didn't fake it, they lived it instead

i am really excited about this post
i want to hit publish, and show everyone how smart i am
no false humility here
in reality, it is still 7 pm on Jan 13, you would think i would wait at least till midnight
at least i have a keyboard that works now
fucking apple laptops

anyway, so John Carr
at Checkmark films
asshole
he is like an Art Sims
he was really fat when i met him, the first time
he was trying me out, as a movie critic for his distribution company
he also wanted me to be his personal assistant
everyone wants me to be their personal assistant
LOL
anyway, he is a poacher
and a flake
did anybody tell you guys, that this was a small world
and just because you think i am nobody, doesn't mean i will be a nobody forever
so John Carr, disappeared, ghosted, in like 2010? 
even the Weinstein Company hired me 
and then the audacity to call me back
to let me know, the job fell through
rapists but not flakes
I WILL BE NOBODY'S PERSONAL ASSISTANT ANYMORE
and A-listers can feed me juice
they will by MY personal assistant

i am a shaman, and dragon queen bitch, nothing less

anyway, so i went through more training, and 2016 happened
i like john oliver's response to 2016
FUCK 2016
harddest year ever, at least for me
i worked at fender, and then opened the gates of hell
and 5 days later trump was elected
now, John Carr contacted me again, late November
and we met
he had lost a lot of weight
we met at the cheesecake factory
and he looked about as good as i did
him, because of his heart, and me, because i opened the gates of hell
and had spent over a month healing myself of the demons that were chasing after me

HE COULD SEE THIS
and he said to me : "wow, you have gone through something TRAUMATIC"
i know he was being nice
but he could see it !!!
he was a dick, that then ghosted me again 5 days later ...
but at least for that small moment, i wasn't alone
or crazy
you don't have to tell me he is a fraud, i can see his root chakra

we talked about aaron sorkin
who i love in a  "i love intelligence" kind of way
smart people say things like that
newsroom, most powerful 5 mins of media experience of my life
john carr said he could create a meeting between me and aaron
not in a professional way, as i am not a writer LOL
but in personal capacity
i lit up, not out of crazy fandom 
but out of getting to talk about the best experience of my life, watching TV
those first 5 mins of newsroom, where the most powerful minutes on HBO i have seen
next would be some GOT stuff
i lit up, because that newsroom speech was TRUTH
and i was seeing a bit of myself in that speech
like i wasn't crazy, for all my thoughts 
and aaron put them into writing, and validated me
HE HAS SO MUCH MORE
someday he will embrace that severity of truth again, and in entire scripts
i count on it, i vote for it

john carr looked at my response, in horror
like i was going to embarrass him
HOW FUCKING SAD
i wasn't even screaming or going berserk
i was just "lit up"

aaron has the dragon in him, but he also has this thing called a FALCON TOTEM
let me explain

the falcon is a being of AIR
of thought
falcons are faster than hawks
they also kill their prey with their beaks > WORDS
they can also take out their prey, with one swoop, mid-air, done, gone, finito

so aaron can take out ANYONE in hollywood, with one sentence, in a script
he could destroy anyone's career, if he wanted to, like it was nothing
he could take me out, but then he would be a murderer ... of a Disney princess

he also has this thing called a CROW RAVEN TOTEM
which is "he is smarter than everyone, AND HE KNOWS IT"
​i don't do false humility
i have this totem too
he might be smarter than me,
but i am as wise as him

so there is this thing called being an alpha
and i will talk about my aikido teacher's sensei later
but being an alpha is this:
it isn't about who is smarter
it isn't about who is stronger
or more loving
or more service oriented
it is about who KNOWS THEM-SELF
and who is the most generous

so even if aaron is smarter than me, i could still be his alpha
even if he has more money
and i am not his alpha to control him
i am his alpha to protect him, while i set him FREE
on all the fuckers
​like a dragon queen

...
it is raining this morning
and i am afraid
this is going to be a wet winter
how the fuck am i going to sleep, in the rain
​i better have enough plastic to keep my tech stuff dry

i love the rain, but this is going to suck
...

i also "love" how not ONE member of my family has reached out to me
and offered to help
not with money, not with energy
not one
not even my rich aunts that own a million dollar flag company
that used to belong to my grandparents
i am pretty sure, my grandmother that loved me, wouldn't treat me that way

---

JAN 13 2019
so I was thinking about the press release
and about the “branding” of this hunger strike, and what is the definitive message I am sending to people
and it isn’t about the whales
and I mean that the whales are important, and need to be freed, correctly and humanely ...
but this hunger strike is about people
and THE INTELLIGENT PROPER BEHAVIOR OF PEOPLE

i did another tarot card reading earlier on, like weeks ago
​about the branding and objective of this hunger strike
and when I asked about the whales, I got the king on pentacles upside down
so i knew something was off

but when I asked, about making this hunger strike be about people, I got a GO card message
(I forget what card, I just remember the message)

I didn’t understand it at the time
but today I do

this hunger strike is about the behavior of people
about men learning how to become real men
and women stepping up in courage and speaking out for what is right ... regardless of the outcome

this is pathetic that I am doing this hunger strike 
pathetic 
blackfish came out years ago, and Canada just passed legal legislation against the captivity of orcas and dolphins
I shouldn’t have to be telling people that holding whales in a box is WRONG
it is recursive
it is inane, and frankly a waste of my time

but if this is about seeing injustice and teaching people how to stand up for what is right, that will never go to waste
if this is about teaching people how to become a hero, then it is not a waste

this is just kabbalah, the path of the hero’s journey
I know kabbalah has a bunch of fancy words in it that most of you don’t understand, but basically it boils down to this:

You are only as good, as the boundaries you enforce.

Period.

there is no argument or opinion in this
you either take responsibility, and stand up for something 
(regardless of the outcome)
or you don’t ...

That simple.
Not easy, but it is simple.

the boundaries you enforce, end up defining who you are
like Katy Perry’s song ...
(which I use in my beginning initial kabbalah class)

I was watching an episode of Hart of Dixie 24 hours ago, with a dragon lady who is a renter, at the house I am currently staying at
and it was about a man who owned a hardware store in the community
and was being forced out of the community by the online sales, and big-corporate chain stores
rachel bilson's character was off to the airport, to go enjoy her fancy new york thanksgiving
and the town lawyer and town doctor were going to spend the rest of their evening in SERVICE to the community
to the man, of the community, who was going to have to leave, and sell out, because of big business bullies

the doctor told rachel's character that yes : they were a lawyer, and a doctor, but they are not defined by those titles
after work hours, they were members of the community, leaders
and they were going to take responsibility for the man who was being bullied out of their town
and they would work, on the holiday, because that man was in their community
they would stand up for that man, they would help him, they would extend themselves beyond their comfort zone,
AND GO OUT OF THEIR WAY, they would be more than zombies
because it was the right thing to do
so the lawyer and the doctor created promissory notes, and contracts, with developers, so the hardware store could stay in business
and the man didn't have to leave, because the town fought for him

i wonder if the cast of Hart of Dixie would feed me
or help get A-listers to do that
​i wonder if they would go "out of their way"
i wonder if they would actually believe in the divine principles that they are selling
i wonder if they would walk their talk
they make millions on selling it, i wonder if they believe it, or if is just a script
i wonder if they ever thought about helping the homeless guy, with no legs, who cleans the stars, because he was "part of their community"

to me, this is the ugliest side of hollywood
this and the rampant pedophilia, and sexual harassment
then the racism
yes, i went there
who wouldn't?
does that make me ugly, to speak the truth?
does that make me undesirable, because i will speak freely about actual issues

at the end of the day, i am just katniss, i said i was the cat
i am just katniss, loving peta, in the hunger games
and it is peta's love that will keep me going
now, peta probably thinks i am way off base, and weird, but seriously ...
most people don't even want to touch peta
because of the red paint being thrown on their brand new fur coats
i used to think that was crazy, but the more evolved i get, the less crazy it seems

at the end of the day, what peta has, and is, is love
i​t is peta's love, that is going to help me get through this
it is peta's love that is worthy of dying for
they love, they love innocent defenseless creatures
my girlfriend didn't want to touch the peta stuff, especially when it came to these whales
but in reality, peta bought 20 million shares of sea world, to fuck sea world, and to empty the tanks
how many people even know that?
i didn't, not until recently

this connection with nature, and developing a sense of harmony with it, it is just kabbalah
you don't get past netzach without it
the more evolved you get, the higher the tree of life you climb,
the more in harmony with nature and selflessness, you need, to create, and to sustain the energy 
like the "healthier" you get, the more you crave healthier food

it is really hard to think you are a good, evolved person,  when you treat animals like shit
and the more evolved you get ...
it is really hard to think you are a good, evolved person, when you are letting anyone treat animals like shit

i am good about this, in a human kinda way
i pretty sure i disappoint the faeries though, all the time
i am still a human, but they like to call me their jake sully
seriously i got that message on a license plate 3 times
i also got a license plate that said SHAMU♥R  (r stands for Rachel, which is my birth name)
i also got covered in that fluffy white stuff this year in ZION national park
​
and really, i believe dany and jake sully are just the same character
(i got the Khaleesi license plate too) divine signs are everywhere
i mean, they are both riding, the biggest baddest dragon, for a reason, for service, and for justice
sam worthington can feed me juice
i wonder if he really is like jake sully, or just an actor
​
the fairies love me, obviously, i am willing to fight and die for some whales
which means, i am willing to live for some whales
to me, that is an honorable life

i had a horrible dream the other night
i was scared, no-one was going to show up for me
that no-one cared that i was doing this
not even the "avid animal lover elijah wood"
and everyone, all the humans, thought i was crazy
and i woke up the next morning, to the fairies, whispering in my ear
telling me, asking me, "DO THIS FOR US"
"just do this for us"
​
this makes me cry
because i could stand alone, and still do this, for nature spirits, beings that live across the veil
(this is what going against the grain looks like)
and i don't know if anyone does care, or not enough
not enough to get something done
not enough to show up

but i do know that elaine does, she grounds me all the time
i know a few others do too
a couple of friends who asked if they could feed me juice
i said NO!
if you guys fed me juice, then the celebrities would NEVER show up
and if the celebrities don't show up, then we are probably fucked
do they not understand, how much power they have, if they got together, and had ONE VOICE
and millions maybe billions of followers
​
it is their choice, that the orcas remain at sea world
that is their ACTIVE CHOICE
because they would rather do nothing, than go out of their way
​
they would rather participate in vain and superficial attempts of forward movement
than do something real, and big, and effective
that is THEIR CHOICE

i love nature
i belong in nature
i think we all do
it is sad, because the passivity of celebrities or the vanity of them, is also why we seem to not be able to get anything done
and really, if they don't have that kind of power, then why do we treat them like they do?

and for the people who do get something done, the celebrities just jump all over them, and want to make movies off of their lives
this doesn't apply to everyone, but it applies to A LOT of them
it seems to be their ACTIVE CHOICE that we continue to disrespect the planet and humanity
and degrade the quality of the world
​hey leo, you should feed me juice, and bring al gore with you :0
i have a girlfriend who has just wanted to meet you, or be in your presence, her whole entire life
and i would love to talk to both of you
​i don't care if you are right or wrong, but i see both of you trying
​
i was going to write something funny here, about art nouveau, and steven spielberg, but i think i will do it tomorrow

---

JAN 12 2019
i love how god brings you what you need, when you are working in alignment
a man responded to my website, telling me he had a cathartic experience reading my poem on mastery
he asked me, if i wanted him to share it with him
i said ABSOLUTELY
my personal philosophy goes as this: a book is only as good, as the person reading it
so my poem is only good, when someone has a profound experience with it, otherwise it is just words on a page
THIS WAS HIS RESPONSE:

"My journey ... 
SHOCK
Wow, she's blunt.
DISBELIEF
This can't be serious. No one really feels this way.
DENIAL
So, she's basically saying anything negative from me towards her is on me, is coming from me, is my fault. No way...
DISDAIN
How can she be so self-centered? So inconsiderate? It's a cowardly way to be.
ANGER
Fuck her! She doesn't know what the hell she's talking about. And she damn sure doesn't know me at all!! (meanwhile, inside, you've gotten way too close for comfort, have hit the mark and left me deeply shaken...)
CONFUSION
But, some of the things she's saying kind of make sense. Wait ... that means reexamining everything I've felt certain about, and not in a good way.
FEAR
If this is really what I think it is, if I'm really responsible for all of this, then my whole life needs to be looked at, picked apart, reassessed. Could I really have been so wrong about things all these years?
WEAKNESS
If I'm really the one to blame in all these things, I'm not nearly as strong as I thought. Really, if I've been fooling myself all this time, I'm much weaker, far less evolved, than I ever imagined.
REGRET
All the pain I put them through -- the women in my life. The whole time I thought they were the ones who were in the wrong. Was so certain of it. Now I see different. Oh no...
SHAME
How could I have behaved so badly, so selfishly, and never have seen my own fault in it? 
JEALOUSY
I hate the man she describes in the poem. The one who knows what to do, how to act, who's strong enough to do the right thing.
ENVY
I want what he has. I need to find a way to get it. To retool myself, reinvent myself, cast away my faults, become a real man.
HUMILITY
I'm not perfect. I'm not close to being finished. I'm so very young in terms of my journey. I have so much to learn...
SUBMISSION
Please teach me. Please show me the way. I'm supine, prostrate, open and vulnerable before you. I am clay. Mold me. 
UNDERSTANDING
Everything I've been through, learned before now wasn't my destination, but to reach my beginning. Now, I am ready to begin...
AWAKENING
I am aware of myself for the first time. I see where I am, see where I need to go...
JOY
Yesterday I felt I knew everything, felt I was right, moral, strong, good ... and yet I was filled with misery. Today I feel small, empty, powerless, ignorant ... yet I am bursting with excitement.
STRENGTH
And though I have admitted that I know nothing, I feel stronger than I've ever felt...
EXHILARATION
And though I know not where my soul is headed, I am excited like never before...
AWE
This is a feeling so powerful, so all-encompassing, it has brought me to my knees.
HARMONY
And I feel truly connected, not just to myself, but to everything, for the first time.
RESPECT
This is much bigger than me. And I bow low, so low my lips brush the dirt. 
HOPE
For the first time in many moons, I think of the future with a smile in my soul.
GRATITUDE
Thank you, Kali Ren, for this gift."

he told me he was sad, he had just met me now, and didn't want me to die
i told him, that if the celebrities feed me, i probably won't die
and told him, he could help spread the word
he apparently has 13 years of experience in media and is setting up a formal press release as i am typing this sentence
i have already seen the first draft 
GOD's Magick

i got my #2 orca towel in the mail today, in time

my friend, who emailed eddie and riz, emailed me this morning to "tone down the aggression towards the celebrities"
now understand, lewis black is my favorite comedian, so things might get out of hand ... 
i took out the word "fucking celebrities" for mr. eddie, the classy harry potter
my friend simon said, riz would be okay with it
​
peta 890 has now been renamed peta 751
one guy responded by unsubscribing and filling in the name field as "fuck off _ weirdo"
​yes, i am pretty sure, that could be his name

---

JAN 11 2019
will be dropping off postcards on tuesday around LA, that is my final personal promotion effort
except for 3 cards i will be mailing to people
the hero bubble has popped again, thank god, and i just look at the state of the whales, and the world, and say FUCK
​what i am doing is right

and i remind myself, that i got the victory card

this morning i got an email from INGE, i love inge
she is a shaman with the mayan lineage, she is the lineage holder on Starr's school, for the Europe division
Inge is also a medical doctor and lives in Germany
her email requested that i don't go forward with this strike, that the whales don't need more martyrs
i agree, the whales don't need martyrs
but sometimes ignorant people do
sometimes i take offense to people's resistance to my doing this, so when i got the email from inge, all i could feel is saddness
i wasn't sad she was emailing me, or telling me to not do it
i felt her saddness, because she is going to watch her friend suffer, and probably die
she didn't email me out of fear
she didn't email me out of hate
she didn't email me out of jealousy
she didn't email me out of ignorance
she didn't email me out of non-intelligence
SHE EMAILED ME OUT OF LOVE

the whales don't need a martyr, i know
but they need someone willing to harness a dragon for them
and if i become a martyr, that is the fault of the celebrities that could feed me, and make this work
if i starve, that is the CHOICE of the celebrities
if the whales continue to rot, that is the CHOICE of the celebrities
they could EASILY get together, and help, and make something big happen, but they don't
they could EASILY make sure i am fed juice, and if they don't, THAT IS THEIR CHOICE

​this isn't just about the whales, this is about EVERYTHING

...
i believe i now have confirmation that both eddie redmayne and riz ahmed have been emailed by an old friend of theirs
​to help
i consider riz a real A-lister
he is a real actor, instead of a "celebrity", apparently he also went to oxford
​he can feed me juice if he wants

once upon a time, my genius ex-boyfriend named aldon, told me about a show called "the night of"
aldon is incredibly picky, and whip smart, almost to the point of misery, but he said this show was really important
i watched it, and agreed with him, completely

the friend that emailed them went to Eton, Cambridge and Oxford apparently... so this man is no joke
# no oxford comma

---

JAN 10 2019
i have been told by my "spirit guides" so many times to stop putting energy forward into this
that it is the responsibility of the people to help me
i have a facebook ad
and i have postcards to drop off
and i have one emailer left to send
but other than that, people are either going to care, or they aren't
and i am literally exhausted
i haven't had a real vacation in 10 years, yes i have gone places ...
but when you are always WORKING, always ON, it wears at your bones
...
MY BODY
the lowest weight i have ever reached is 108 lbs
so i know that i have about 3 months before my body will go into shock
(UPDATE 1/27 - i don't know that ... i have already lost a lot of weight, we will see)
​i know my body pretty well
and my organs will begin the failing process probably around 102 lbs
...
my greatest disappointment is the lack of initiative by anyone in helping me
some people are excluded
the celebrities will meet their fate ... sad

i added a chapter on the dragon king article, at the end, called THE MISSING LINK
elijah wood is neither a nice guy, nor an animal lover
i give up
​
it is sad, people all over the world, want change,
but no-one is willing to CHANGE to make it happen?
i like esperanza's quote "it is when you are uncomfortable, that you grow"

i will continue to build up my website: for free
not because people deserve it, but because now i need a mental distraction

...
sent out the emailer to peta 890 CLICK HERE
​got a visit from a very powerful dragon lady shaman healer > who was totally supportive
guys are sending me non-sense to read
​i have one new A-list celeb connection coming through, will announce once the email sent is confirmed
​

---

JAN 9 2019
elijah and chelsea continue to be tweeted
now jim carey is being tweeted
peta 2
what most people don't know, is a third of my email list, is people at BUZZFEED
and not just any part of buzzfeed
buzzfeed motion pictures
the one who has all the money
you know, cause i worked there
..
i now ALSO have an email list i call Peta 890
it has no technical affiliation with PETA (as neither do i ... yet ... pending maybe, can't starve myself and be affiliated with peta)
but the email list is filled with Animal Lovers
there are 890 recipients that aren't COLD CALLS
it took me 10 minutes to do
​sue me
​this is GOD'S Magick
...
PM
chelsea and elijah being tweeted
along with peta and peta 2
and jared leto, tom hardy and leo ... and ellen
is jared leto an A-lister?
i think we need steven spielberg to sort that out, but tom hardy is ... he is fucking HOT ... LOVED him in the warrior movie, dragon king
maybe jared has some A-list friends
we still need eddie, eddie is the classy harry potter
and i believe we will begin email correspondence with leo ... coming soon

also ... i learned this evening that mr. will smith has been talking about fault vs responsibility
​... as i just wrote an article about that HERE called HOW TO BECOME A DRAGON KING
mr. will smith, prove it ... feed me ... i did call you an ent, and your wife a dragon
and i talk about your kids, reverently ... in my dragon queen article (in the WITCH KIDS section)
i told you, i would fresh princess you ... as we are kinda on the same wavelength

tom hardy and jared leto don't have twitter, so we are going to have to find another way

---

JAN 8 2019
chelsea handler has been tweeted this by around 10 people (from my knowledge - need proof), maybe more
elijah wood has also been tweeted this by a handful of people
i believe email correspondence with eddie redmayne has begun
post cards being ordered to be dropped off at target locations ... (that will be fun) 
​

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